The Fourth Member--First There Were Three

Before we start to take a look at whom the Frightful Four would turn to in a never-ending quest to find a fourth member, we should take a moment or two to look at the 3 original members, and see why, exactly, they needed help.

Well, long answer made short: because they were a bunch of pathetic losers.

Let's start with Bentley Wittman, also known as the Wizard. Bentley was born a super-genius. Unfortunately, he was one of those Wile E. Coyote type of super-geniuses, in that he felt compelled to take on the Human Torch (in his solo series in Strange Tales) again...and again...and again...And remember, this is Johnny Storm we're talking about here, hardly an Einstein. All of the Wizard's brains and technological wonders couldn't beat even one member of the Fantastic Four.

Heck, in his last solo attempt, his new invention, the anti-gravity disc, backfired on him and carried him up almost into orbit. If it wasn't Acme brand, it might as well have been.

Next up in our Trio of Tepidity is Peter Petruski, a.k.a. Paste-Pot Pete, a.k.a. The Trapster. Pete was a loser who somehow invented the "ultimate weapon"--a gun that shoots out paste. Seriously. You'd think there would be limits on how many plots you could come up with involving a guy who shoots glue--but Stan kept running him out there. (In fairness, Pete does occasionally pull out other high tech traps...but he's a paste guy at heart).

Now, I'm willing to admit that "Paste-Pot Pete" is, without doubt, the stupidest name Stan Lee ever came up with. But let's not let the King of the hook here. Shield your eyes and hide the children, friends: here's the world's first glimpse, via Jack Kirby, of Paste-Pot Pete.

Oh. My. God.

Rounding out our Founding Three is Flint Marko, the Sandman. Now, remember, this long before Spider-Man 3 idiotically decided to retcon Flint into the man who actually pulled the trigger on Uncle Ben (so therefore, even if Spidey had stopped the thief at the wrestling match, Ben would have died anyway...).

Now, I know the Sandman, if used properly, can be a pretty powerful foe. But I also know that, at this point in his career, he was a big-time loser who had struck out every single time against Spider-Man and/or the Torch. Need I remind you that, in Sandy's first appearance, Web-Head beat him with a vacuum cleaner??

And it wasn't even an Oreck...

So, these nineteen-time losers meet through a quirk of fate, and they have a brainstorm...


OK, an idiotic brainstorm, but still. "I know we're 0-27 individually against solo Marvel heroes, but if we team up and take on the most powerful super-team out there, we're guaranteed to win!!" It's so pathetic, it's almost cute. Oh, and "let's get a woman!!" Slick, Wizard, slick.

So that's where we stand, with a triumvirate of no-accounts waiting desperately for a fourth member to make them the equal of the FF:

I suspect that even if they picked the Watcher, this group would strike out.

Stay tuned next week, wherein we introduce the First Fourth Member, and start our tally of Ways To Snatch Defeat From The Jaws Of Certain Victory. Be there, won't you?

Let's see...The Wizard's mug is from New Avengers #33 (2007), Pete's first appearance is Strange Tales #104 (1963), Sandman's suckage is Amazing Spider-Man #4 (1963), and their titanic first team-up occurred in Fantastic Four #36 (1965). Phew...