Marvel 1968 Week--Iron Man #3

Faithful fans, we're going to do things a bit differently today, as we head back 4 decades:

How different? Well, I won't be narrating the highlights of Iron Man #3 alone. No, I've brought along a special guest commentator: Mr. Tony Stark himself!!

snell: Well, Mr. Stark, are you ready to review this blast from your past?

Stark: Yes, I am, snell. And please, call me Tony!!

snell: So I shall. Let's start with the splash page from the issue in question:

Stark: Wow, that brings back memories!!

snell: How so?

Stark: Well, you see me thinking about Janice Cord (had her!!) She died in my arms awhile after this...what a tragedy...

snell: Perhaps if you'd been a registered hero, that tragedy wouldn't have happened.

Stark: What was that?

snell: Nothing. Let's look, as we always do, at the credits for this issue:

Stark (laughing): Good old Archie and Johnny!! Always good for a joke!!

snell: Huh?

Stark: Well, just look at it--they feature a shot of my iron-clad ass (and a nice ass it is, too), in the same panel they talk about the Uranus rocket!! Oh, what cards!! The nights we spent laughing about that at the night clubs...

snell: Now, now, Tony...remember your 12 steps. Anyway, tell us what happens next:




Stark: Well, Uranus is collapsing (laughing)--sorry--and I've got to catch it, or lots of innocent folks will die. But, my batteries were almost drained dry from the previous issue's battle, so it's going to be rough.

snell: That's right. A lot of are readers might not remember, but back in those days, your heart was severely weakened, and only your fully powered chest plate could keep it beating!

Stark: That's right. Medical science hadn't yet caught up with my fantastic technological abilities, so I was trapped in that damned chest plate forever. Try explaining that to the ladies!!

snell: And what's that Viet Nam reference? That would make you, what, in your 70s today?

Stark (coughing): Wha--?? No, no, obviously the letterer made a mistake... I remember clearly thinking "Afghanistan" in that panel.

snell: Well, it looks like you succeeded in rescuing those folks--

Stark (interrupting): Of course!

snell:--but at considerable cost to yourself! Still, doesn't it seem like you're over-dramatizing just a bit?

Stark: Hey, you try holding up a freakin' rocket with a defective ticker. When things start to go black for you, maybe you'll emote a little bit, too.

snell: But look at this:

snell: You walk past some people who could help you! Friends of Iron Man, who would be glad to plug you in!! Yet you keep all this pain to your interior monologue!!

Stark: Well, snell, the first thing to remember is, back in those days, women went for the strong, silent types. They weren't yet ready for men who wore their emotions on their sleeves. That's why I scored so many babes, as opposed to--just for example--Spider-Man. He whined all the time, and what did it get him?

Secondly, that's Whitney Frost. Doesn't she look hot? Well, I had her. So I guess I was doing something right.

snell: Let's follow along, as you make it to your lab and manage to save yourself:


snell: Do you still think you don't come across as a little melodramatic here?

Stark: Well, in my defense, in those days very few people knew my secret identity...so it's not as if I could go talk over my problems with someone. And without teammates around, well, all my emotions had to go into interior monologues, unless you wanted blank panels.

snell: Fair enough. Well, we saw that you temporarily saved yourself, but your heart was too damaged for your old armor to help anymore. So what did you do?

Stark: Well, as you know, I am a futurist. And as the panel above shows you, I pretty much invented integrated circuits back in 1968. Eat my shorts, Intel!! Hmmm, I think I'll buy them tomorrow!!

snell: Too bad the "futurist" hadn't upgraded the armor earlier, as now you were too weak to do it yourself. How did you get around that?

Stark: Well, fortunately, my good friend Happy Hogan figured out I was in trouble from press reports, and as he was one of the few who knew my secret identity, he came to help.

Oh, and there's Pepper Potts, my once and former and once again secretary. Had her.

snell: Hmmm, I'd never noticed this before--Marvel had Happy Hogan and Hogun the Grim.

Stark (laughing): That's great!! Marvel should have teamed them up!! With Hulk Hogan!! Hogan's Heroes!! (Laughter)

snell: Well, you have Happy help you build and power up your new armor, but things go awry:



snell: Now, given that you're a futurist, couldn't you have foreseen that having Happy working with cobalt radiation could have a bad result, as it had turned him into the Freak once before?

Stark: I resent that! I was dying! Happy volunteered! And his disobeyed my orders by turning the device all the way up!!

snell: Well, Tony, it seems like you put Happy into an awful lot of danger over the years. Here, you even think so yourself:


snell: In fact, Happy dies from injuries received while working for you. And then in your recent movie, the character is given just a cameo. It almost seems like you're trying to marginalize him from the beginning, to give yourself a shot at Pepper.

Stark: I don't think I like the direction this is taking! Besides, have you seen Gwyneth Paltrow? No way am I letting Jon Favreau be her boyfriend in the movie. And, since I know what the next question is, yes, I had her. Can we move on to the last panel now?

Stark: See, all's well that ends well. I saved Pepper, and restored Happy. And as he was around for another 38 years, I don't think you can say I was trying to harm him.

snell: Well, before we go Mr. Stark, I just want to discuss some of your changes with you. As we see here, in the olden days you were in constant danger of over-taxing your heart, and your Iron Man identity masked a lot of real human frailty beneath it. Now, your body is in perfect health, and with Extremis, you're powerful beyond human imagining. You're also the driving force behind the biggest political revolution of modern times, the Super Hero Registration Act. And you've become Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. How do you feel about the path you've traveled?

Stark: Well, first of all, I'm not that powerful. Whenever comic writers amp up a character's powers, they almost immediately have to make up a bunch of new weaknesses, lest he become uninteresting. It's like giving Hal Jordan "the most powerful weapon in the universe" and then telling him he can't use it on yellow. In my case, despite Extremis, I've recently been slapped around by Doctor Doom, by Skrulls, hell, by Jarvis...so I'm not as powerful as everyone seems to think.

As to the other changes, well, as I said, I am a futurist. I saw the path the country was on if I didn't act, so I did. The rest just fell into place.

snell: But some have hinted that maybe you orchestrated some of the events of the so-called Civil War, to better the chances for the agenda you wished to push through. Is that true?

Stark (loudly): No comment! (He leaves).

Well, just me again. Sensitive guy for someone who effectively runs the free world these days. I didn't even get a chance to ask him to help me sort out whether or not S.H.I.E.L.D. is an American or international group...it seems to act like both, depending on what issue it is.

Anyway, here's this issue's letter:

I applaud you, David Hodgen, for being appropriately nerdy about your super-heroes. And, whoever edited the letter column, I applaud you for the implication that Iron Man is bi-sexual!!

ELSEWHERE IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE:


Ahhh, Gene Colan-drawn Daredevil....from the Bullpen Bulletins: "It had to happen! You are about to witness 'The Death of Mike Murdock!' But, what happens to Matt Murdock? And how does Daredevil battle the Exterminator and his Unholy Three? Well, why not see for yourself?"

You know, given the pathetic tatters of Daredevil's secret identity these days, a revival of Mike Murdock might not be a bad idea...are you listening, Rucka and Brubaker??

Stark: Sorry...just wanted to pop back in and say that I've invented a device that would help Daredevil regain his sight...if only he were registered...

snell: What a dick you are, Tony.