Ask Monstrobot: Sad Shellhead

Dear Monstrobot:

I'm a major industrialist who recently has undertaken a program to help make life better for everyone in America. I've sacrificed a lot, spent billions of my own money, and risked my own safety and sanity to bring about a better world for all.

My problem is that no one seems to appreciate what I've done. Many of my friends have abandoned me, and many of my former business allies have acted to undermine me. I used to have a lot of fans, but now I receive tons of hate mail every day.

My question is, why have my friends turned on me, when I only had their best interests at heart? How can I win my friends and fans back, Monstrobot?

Sad Shellhead

Dear Sad Shellhead:

Stop being such a mamby-pamby whiner. I've been following your career, and you've made impressive progress. Why, over the past year you've:
*killed dozens of people just to advance your political agenda
*imprisoned hundreds while denying habeus corpus and due process
*taken effective control of several your government's most powerful agencies
*committed acts of war against a sovereign nation
*invaded another dimension

Shellhead, this is a resumé that Victor Von Doom would be proud of!! Don't fret about a few hurt feelings amongst those obviously inferior to yourself! Instead, embrace your inner Monstrobot. Slay a few miscreants, remove a few more rights from your countrymen, and invade Canada!

You're already one of the most promising megalomaniacs in years. Please don't let a few hurt feelings by former "fans" stop your progress! Cowboy up, slay, and rule--it's your destiny!!