Friday, January 31, 2014

Friday Night Fights--Shirtless Stark Style!!

Remember how your mother always admonished you to wear clean underwear, in case you were in an accident?

It seems that certain super-heroes should have listened to her, as we find out in this week's Friday Night Fights!

There's been a prison break at Ryker's Island, which is kind of embarassing, as Stark Industries has just installed an expensive and controversial new security system there.

So in comes Iron Man! And after wading through a minor gantlet of minor villains, all that's left is one Otto Octavious, who caused the breakout in the first place.

And unfortunately, Doc Ock has two sets of arms available right now--his regular old arms, and a new adamantium sets he's developed. And he can control both sets telepathically.

This won't end well...


At least have a T-shirt on underneath, Tony!!

So traumatic is the sight of Stark's bare chest to the public...

Moral--no going commando if you're Iron Man!!

Spacebooger is very, VERY glad the arms didn't rip off Stark's armored trunks...

Tony shows far too much nipple in Marvel Fanfare #22 (1985), by Roger McKenzie (script) and Ken Steacy ("everything else").

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? Because if I'm happy, I might show you the second part of this tale, where Iron Man gets his groove back!! So go vote, dangit!!

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Bold Fashion Choices--I Suppose It's Better Than Having To Check Your iPhone 40 Times A Day...

Clark Kent has been given an assignment by Morgan Edge to come up with a piece on Superman's family tree. And, rather than consult Wikipedia like any other self-respecting journalistic would do for such a cheesy story, he and Supergirl travel to Kandor for some in-depth research.

[Editor's note--at this point in pre-Crisis history, Kandor had been restored to normal size, and relocated to the planet Brigadoon Rokyn, which at regular interval disappears into an "other-dimensional universe." Also, in this universe, Supergirl's father Zor-El  was never the genocidal Cyborg Superman, Kara never became a Red Lantern, and Superman never let the Parasite almost kill Lois Lane so that she would forget his secret identity. Your editor is just sayin'.]

Anyway, Supergirl enemy Zora has been trying to distract our heroes with gimmickry and tricks, so they'd lose track of time and be stranded when Rokyn fades away again.

But no such luck, evil-doer:

I'm willing to bet that none of your fathers created telepathic belt clocks that gave you dual interplanetary times.

Although needing to use three fingers does seem a bit inefficient, Zor-El...and don't ask me what that middle circle on the belt does (movie show times? Google maps? Facebook? Yelp? Telepathic Comixology?)

From Krypton Chronicles #2 (1981)

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Bold Fashion Choices--Approved Sleepwear

Ladies, these are the types of things you should be wearing to bed tonight:

Millie is an actual model--she can't be wrong about these things!!

From Queen-Size Millie The Model #12 (a.k.a. Millie The Model Annual #12) (1975)

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Female Heroes Have A Special Responsi---OOOH, That Dress Is Adorable!!

Some days, I'm stumped for what to blog about...I have to search and hunt and stay up late & end up being tardy for work. Oh, comics never let me down, but sometimes I really have to work for it.

And then there are the times that something just falls in my lap:

A story so perfect, it almost literally writes itself:

Of course, that puts even more pressure on me...if it's such a perfect topic, well, than any deficiencies in the post are entirely due to me.

So I've got to suck it up, reach down deep, put on my lucky blogging shirt, and try to do justice to:

Fasten your seatbelts, kids...

Supergirl has just rescued the two most famous movie stars in the world from a disastrous on-set accident. But she's not the one getting all the attention...

Oh, Kara...such jealousy ill becomes you...

Supergirl no more?

Kal-El hears of this, and give Kara the "with great power comes great responsibility" speech:

But she's having none of it!! Plus, she calls out Clark's sexuality!!

"Why...uh...ulp..I--I'm very fond of girls...I...uh..." Holy crap, Superman!! Now we know why you hang around Batman and Robin so much in this era...

So you tell your parents you're dropping out of school, and they pay to send you to Europe for a year?!? Girl, you don't know how lucky you are!!

And I like the way farmboy Kent refers to "P-Paris" like it's Mos Eisley.

Well, Superman runs off to Wonder Woman for help...and Diana is ticked off, too:

Man, Haney is sure writing Supes as a tongue-tied dufus here...

So Wonder Woman flies off to Paris to give Kara the "female psychology" version of the "great power/great responsibility" speech. But what does she find?

Supergirl...a supermodel?!?

And surrounded by the men-folk!!

And Wonder Woman really needs to learn how to knock...

"Glamorpuss playgirl"?!? Gigolo?!? (You can say gigolo in a Code-approved book??)

And thus beginneth the lecture:

Ah, but wait for it...

"But--your powers...they make you different--they...OOOH!...That dress--it's adorable! Where'd you get it?"

Announcement: I really, really hope this line of dialogue is in Superman Vs. Batman.

Please, let's continue to make Princess Diana an air-headed fool:

OMG...Now THAT is the dialogue I hope they save for the Diana's solo movie!

Now, let me assure you, dear readers--the is no "out" for this situation. This is not a dream, not a hoax, not an imaginary story. There is no kryptonite involved. There is no magic spell, no Mxyzptlk, no gods of love, no enchanted centaurs. There is no emotional control--no Dr. Psycho or Psycho-Pirate or Psycho-Man. No shapeshifters or body doubles or body switching or characters wearing masks. No love potions. Nothing. No outside influence or "clever" plan to fool a villain or ANYTHING.

No, what you see here is exactly what you get: Put Wonder Woman in an adorable dress and have her kissed by a pushy Frenchman, and boom--she's swept off her feet, and gives up being Wonder Woman.

I suppose we must ask the question--"Steve Trevor never kissed me like that!"?? Does that mean Steve was a poor kisser? That would explain an awful lot, actually. Or is Count Andre that much better a kisser?? Is that the first time Diana has received a French kiss? (Sorry).

So now we've reached the point where both Supergirl and Wonder Woman have given up super-heroics in order to pursue glamor and romance...and we're not even 1/3 of the way into the issue yet!!

Well, long story short, both couples independently decide to go for a lovestruck vacation to the Ile D'Amour. Unfortunately, that's where the single worst villain in the history of ever--Multi-Face--has his secret base, and he is ready to launch "Operation Armageddon." Which consists of hijacking "rocket freighters," which are carrying gold "at super-speed from country to country," with a giant magnet. Not very Armageddon-like.

Look, I told you he was lame. Let us never speak of him again!!

Anyhoo, after a never-ending series of crises threatening their beaus, the ladies stop the villain...but they realize:

So DC's rule against super-hero romances (excepting, of course, Superman/Wonder Woman) is nothing new!! The women both tell us that being a super-heroine and romance don't mix!!

Oh, Bob Haney, the lessons you teach us!

And Steve Trevor--learn how to kiss, man!!

The Brave And The Bold #63 is from 1965

Monday, January 27, 2014

Manic Monday Quadruple Bypass--Sneak Preview!

Coming tomorrow to a Slay Monstrobot near you...

...perhaps the best comic I've ever found in The Quarter Bin...EVER!!

You have been warned...

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--The Top 7 Billion Reasons To Increase SETI's Funding

Poor Robert Walden is trying to overcome government funding cuts by building his own poace exploration program!

But perhaps it has been working just a little bit better than he thought...'s a good thing the guy paused to give his "Make it so!" gesture!!

Not that Robert knows that he saved our bacon:

The most important thing about this story, though?

The "second target in the third galaxy" was Krypton.

Now you know...the rest of the story.

(OK, smartypants, prove that it wasn't Krypton!!)

From Alarming Tales #5 (1958)