Not As Elemental As Metamorpho, Not As Good A Shot As Green Arrow, Not...

You have to give DC house ads of the late 1960s one thing: they could be cheeky and self-aware as all get out:

Well, technically, that could apply to 99% of the people in the world, so it would be a pretty terrible Jeopardy answer (Who are 3 people who have never been in my kitchen, Alex?)

 So whom are we pushing today?

Oh, Plas...Even in one of the rare instances when DC was actually publishing you, they could only market you by telling everyone that you're not as good as their "real" heroes...

From Capt. Storm #17 (1967)

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Quit Interrupting!!

A house ad from Capt. Storm #17 (1967):

Wow, B'wana Beast! There's a blast from the past! There's a lot we could talk about with--

Ahem! I was talking here.

Anyway, as I was saying--

Dudes! You're being kind of rude!! Could you let me finish a sent--

Damn, I hate pushy house ads.

The Giant DC Comics Slogan Contest!!

It's 1956, so it's time for...

Tell us more...

Of special note:

You have to mutilate *5* different comic book to enter--FIVE!!

In fairness, the other side of the coupon was just a text piece that nobody ever read. But still--5 mutilated comics books.

But hey, it is "definitely possible" to win more than one prize, so please, deface 10 comics! 15! 20!! There's no limit!!

As to the slogan itself...?

Wow. If those are the best example you can come up with, no wonder you need to outsource your sloganeering to children!

It is interesting, because this ad appeared in October 1956 comics, which means it was exact the same  month as Barry Allen's debut. Most of DC's Silver Age had debuted yet, which limits a lot of your slogan possibilities.

And only 15 words? How can you come up with something better than "DC Comics are Decent Comics"?!?

And our prizes?

So, wait: there are 200 Third Prizes for boys, and only 120 Third Prizes for girls? That is some serious bullshit there, DC. Maybe the slogan should have been "DC COMICS--Mostly for boys!"

Anyway, you guys work on your own slogans for DC--15 words or less! No prizes, but eternal fame awaits!!

From Detective Comics #236 (1956)

Why Are They Outside???

I'm a little late to the party with this one, but I still have questions.

This house ad ran back in November's DC issues, pushing their annual You Must Buy These As Christmas Gifts  Essential Reading List for graphic novels.

So, umm...

A) Are these guys locked out of the Hall of Justice, or what? Because yeah, they've got powers and insulated costumes...but damn, it's cold out there!

B) Do you really think longboxes could support Cyborg's weight?

C) Why exactly are their stacks of longboxes outside in the winter, anyway?

D) Leaving graphic novels lying in the snow?!? What kind of inhuman monsters are you guys?!!!?

E) What are the odds Batman smacks Flash for reading over his shoulder? Especially since there's another copy of the same book just lying in the snow 7 feet away?

Plus, I mean, does Barry reading over anyone's shoulder make any sense? Every nanosecond he's finished a page, and has to wait a relative eternity for the non-Speed Force reader to turn the damn page!!

F) Really, there's no way Finch could have drawn this scene indoors, so all the books would get ruined?!? No way you could convey "Christmas" that way?

G) Why the hell are graphic novels falling from the sky?

H) Superman's lack of red trunks is really front and center here--let's make Kal-El's area the focus of the scene!! Why?!? Why not?!?

I) Seriously...WHY ARE WE STACKING COMICS IN THE SNOW?!?!?!?

Crime, Crime, Everywhere There's Crime (Not)!

Since certain folks out there seem to think that crime is at an all-time high, when it is really at historically low levels, might I suggest a low-tech solution to this "problem"?

Let's bring back crime comics!

Let's let these criminals know that they'll live in fear and paranoia if they continue their wicked ways!

Let 'em know they'll be gunned down like dogs!!

Tell 'em they'll be tracked, tormented and trapped!

Show them their violent end!!

Crime comics--the perfect solution to the problem that isn't there!!

High-Concept Pitches, Aftershock-Style!

Part of the decline of Hollywood, or at least so the legend goes, was the loss of attention span of the studio execs. They could no longer be expected to read entire scripts, or even real synopses. The producer/writer/agent/whomever had to make "elevator pitches," i.e. you had the length of an elevator ride to sell the story.

The execs must have gotten even more jealous of their time, though, as those elevator pitches were apparently too long. Now they only wanted high-concept pitches, where you describe your concept as as mash-up of two (or more) other successful projects: "It's like Ghostbusters meets the Beverly Hillbillies, but in 1950s Las Vegas!!" (That idea is copyright me, btw) No wonder so many of our movies are, well, crap now, as studio executive care about nothing more than the pitch, and let people like Max Landis keep writing the finished product.

But the high-concept pitch exists in comics, too...at least when they try to sell the comics to retailers and customers.

A couple of weeks ago, this freebie turned up at my LCS:

Hey, I'll snag anything free!

And it's what you'd expect...synopses of the comics, sample pages, quotes from reviewers. But Aftershock thought that wasn't enough, so for virtually every project, they felt compelled to put, unattributed but in far bigger print than anything else, the high-concept pitch for each book.

Please note, I'm not slamming the books, or the creators. I get and enjoy couple of the books, some just aren't my cup of tea, and some just aren't out yet.

But I just find it amusing that Aftershock's marketing department found it necessary to break almost every single one of there books down to a lowest-common-denominator, "this book is really just concept X + concept Y" high-concept pitch.

Take, for example, American Monster:

Apparently, an interesting synopsis, preview pages, and actual reviews aren't enough to sell us the book. Let's try this:

Sold, I guess?

How about Replica?

I haven't read the book, but I'm willing to wager that it's nothing like this:

What about Insexts?

Gotta dumb it down to attract the fans:

Then there's Super Zero:

In case the actual premise isn't attractive enough for you, well, let's try this:

No, I read the book, and it's really not that in the least.

What about Second Sight?

Hmm, how can we sell this book?

Again, I read the book, and it's pretty good, and really, it's not like that at all. "It's like Silence Of The Lambs and Chinatown on SHROOMS"? That's borderline insulting to the book (although one character does partake of mushrooms, so...)

B.E.K.?

Seriously, you guys have got to stop this...

Jackpot!?

Seriously.

Maybe these are really the high-concept pitches that the creators themselves used to sell the books to Aftershock. But somehow I doubt it.

We grown up readers, Aftershock. You really don't need to dumb down the premises of your books for us. Have your marketing guys calm down a bit, and sell the work, not some two-bit elevator pitch that often has little to do with the actual work.

Unless, of course, you're interested in my new book, which is an X-Files/Gilligan's Island mash-up on steroids, and...