Damn You!! Damn You All To Hell!!

Man, I'm kinda stuck.

I'm trying to write some dystopian fiction, something post-apocalyptic.

But I can't seem to find a proper symbol, something that both demonstrates that this is the future of our world while simultaneously depicting how far we've fallen.

Something that shows the unthinkable has happened to our once-powerful culture...

...a one-time symbol of strength that is now in ruins, showing how far the world to come has fallen...

I need an instantly recognizable icon, so every reader can instantly grok where the story is set...

...yet that same icon is now decaying in an Ozymandian state of despair, so the reader can also instantly understand how for we've fallen.

I need some icon whose destruction would mirror our fears both militarily...

...and ecologically.

I need a landmark whose condition, at a single glance, depicts how far our society has fallen.

I'm looking for a symbol of hope and freedom that invading aliens would destroy not just once...

...but twice!!

Or, if not aliens, well, maybe dinosaurs?

Nah, it should probably be aliens.

I need an icon that's so versatile, shlocky film producers couldn't make up their minds how to destroy it.

I just can't seem to come up with an image shocking enough...

...devastating enough...

...to convey how terrible this future is.

Well, don't worry...I'm sure I'll think of something...

Crazy Crossover Fever!!

I'm not sure which insane cross-intellectual property cross-over was the more joyously nuts yesterday...

I mean, it's hard to beat Tarzan fighting General Ursus:

And yet, when you have John Stewart, Guy Gardner and Kilowog summoned to a meeting with a Star Fleet admiral:

And Hal Jordan discussing logic and temporal mechanics with Spock:

AND Carol Ferris knocking boots with Scotty:

Well, I'm only human, guys. Star Trek/Green Lantern for the nerd win!!

From Tarzan On The Planet Of The Apes #5 (2017) and Star Trek/Green Lantern #2 (2017)

When You Combine Civil War 2 & Planet Of The Apes, We All Win!!

This post that you're about to read...well, it just may change you're mind about Superman, and re-think everything you know about movie blockbusters, and...well, you'll see.

Some members of the Time Patrol have arrived in the present day, asserting that Superman will become evil in the near future, and go on to destroy the 40th century!

So they go all Minority Report/Civil War II, and convince Batman and Robin to capture Superman, and put him on trial for pre-crimes before the United Nations!!

And what a testimony it is!!

Uh-oh!

Yup, that's evil, all right!

But the worst is yet to come!

Wait--what was it? What happened?!?!

And Batman, how could you betray your buddy?!?!

YYECCHHH!!!

And what was so terrible?!?!

Yes, future evil-Superman will create the Planet Of The Apes!!!!!!!

That may be the best sentence that I have ever written.

Well, the court allows Superman to fly to the future to check it out for himself:

Which means, conclusively and 100% canonically:

Superman: "I will turn the Earth into a world of apes!"

OMG, this is the best story ever!!

Well, that's it, folks, we now know the sad future of Superman, and...

What? This is a Silver Age story? There's a big twist coming? Oh I doubt--

Never mind.

See, it was all a plot by Brainiac and Luthor to trick Batman into giving Superman a kryptonite lobotomy, except they would secretly substitute Luthor's Maligno-Ray for the laser, so Kal-El would really turn evil and join the two for a reign of terror through time and space.

Yes, that was their plan.

[Please, please PLEASE don't ask how Superman and Batman sussed out the villains' disguise. Please. Just don't.]

But, if it was all a hoax, what did Superman and Batman actually see on their trip to the 40th century?!?

Wait....

You're burying the lead here, guys--in the 2000 years from now, they'll still be churning out Planet Of The Apes movies!! I imagine two blocks over, they're making Transformers CCCIX!

Which leads us to the the most fantastical thing of all:

People in the DC Universe actually liking and respecting super-heroes?!?!?!? What a bunch of naive fools...

From World's Finest Comics #183 (1969)