Sunday, September 30, 2018

When The Comics Won't Come To Man-Mountain Marko...

You know who doesn't get nearly enough respect?

Man-Mountain Marko, that's who.

He's big, he's strong--super-humanly so, he can fight Spider-Man--or Spider-Man 2099!!--to a stand-still, he's got ins with the Maggia and the Hand, and his name is freaking MAN-MOUNTAIN MARKO!!

As if we needed more bonus, well, we have three important bonus factors:

1) Man-Mountain Marko loooooves to refer to himself in the third person:

2) Man-Mountain Marko starred in his own Hostess ad (which Spider-Man rudely intruded on):

3) Perhaps most importantly: Man-Mountain Marko had a cousin named, and I am not making this up, Man-Mountain Mario.

Yes, Man-Mountain Mario.

Which leaves us hope--palpable hope--for a Man-Mountain Luigi. Or even a Man-Mountain Wario. Or, dare I say it aloud, a Man-Mountain Waluigi?!?

But let's not be sexist. I, for one, embrace the concept of a Woman-Mountain Mavis...

From Amazing Spider-Man #73-74 (1969)

Friday, September 28, 2018

Wait--Metropolis Is WHERE?!?!?!

You all know my ridiculous obsession with DC Geography.

Well, this week, Geoff Johns dropped a bombshell. Or a bomb full of manure.

Here's an out of context, spoiler free panel from the pretty damned terrible Doomsday Clock:

Wait now.

So Metropolis is in the state of New York?!?

Now, most people have considered that, since Metropolis has a sea port, it's more likely elsewhere, because unless you place The City Of Tomorrow on Long Island, there's not really any place for a seaport outside of Manhattan.

Of course, if you accept the Busiek Hypothesis, that DC Earth is physically larger than our Earth so it has room for all those extra cities, than maybe there's more room in New York state than we thought.

But wait--look at that ZIP code! 10025 is a Manhattan ZIP code:

And that address!! Yes, 2525 Broadway is an actual Manhattan address, and yes, it is in ZIP code 10025:

What the WHAT? Does that mean Metropolis is New York City? Does New York City even exist in the DC Universe? What the living hell, Geoff Johns???

Well, of course, there are a dozen ways out of this conundrum.

If the Busiek Hypotheis is correct, a different physical scale could easily mean the ZIP codes are different than our Earth. And the address is just a coincidence--a lot of towns have a Broadway street!! So we could have both New York and Metropolis.

Or, Geoff Johns has been doing his damnedest to blame the nu52 on Doctor Manhattan's interfering with the DCU timeline--because why not meta-textually deflect responsibility for the biggest misstep DC ever made onto a fictional character? Anyhoo, maybe it's possible that, in this rejiggered reality, New York City has been replaced/overwritten with Metropolis?

[Bonus mini-rant: This week's issue of Doomsday Clock makes it definite that Dr. Manhattan did indeed actually change history to create the post-Flushpoint DCU-even though the Watchman series made it clear that, as powerful as he was, Dr. M. most certainly did NOT have the power to change history. Different rules of physics in a different universe, or lazy hack work? You decide!!]

Or, the person mailing that envelope--we don't learn who it is--could be deluded or nuts or something, because this series is filled with people who are insane and/or demented and/or are from another it's all just some big mistake...which the creators chose to do a close-up panel on...?

Oh, well, Doomsday Clock only has 10 more months left to go--TEN MORE MONTHS--so, if there are no more delays, maybe we'll eventually learn...

Panel from Doomsday Clock #7 (2018)

Thursday, September 27, 2018

Don't Bring A Knife To A Mr. Terrific Fight!

Just how terrific is Mr. Terrific?

That's how terrific!!

From Sensation Comics #34 (1944)

Galactus Hungers...For Cash!!

Apparently, being a word-devouring cosmic entity is better than you'd expect for merchandising:

Take that, C'Thulu!!

And just who on Earth gets the benefit of all this Galactus money?

Well, if you believe Henry Peter Gyrich, it's...

...the Fantastic Four!

Silly, but it's entirely worth it to see Ben rolling around like Uncle Scrooge in his money bin...

From The Marvels Channel: Monsters, Myths and Marvels #3 (2008)

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Dial E For Eternity--The Kid Vs. Goldfinger?!?

You know, there's one big problem that no one has considered with alchemy:

What if it's simply not cost effective? Sure, gold is valuable, but what if costs more in materials than the gold you produce is worth?!?

Nobody tell Diablo.

Ah, but femme fatale Berta convinces Dr. Midas that massive terrorism is a tiny price to pay for gold!


Dude, there had to be people in that building!! What a dick!!

Well, the sound of a collapsing skyscraper is enough to reach Eternity...

Damn, Lumpkin can punch!

When our rogue alchemist and henchamn get away, Kid calls for some physics advice:

Michael Faraday!! It's a good things he's stayed up-to-date on modern physics...

And to track the miscreants?

Pocahontas!! Congratulations, ma'am, you are the 200th character summoned by Kid Eternity!!

Meanwhile, Berta wants to go on a spending spree, but Midas is too much of a nerd to do it!!

The greatest alchemist in history? Don't tell that to Diablo...

Obviously, Midas hasn't watched enough films to know that this was inevitable.

Kid arrives, but...

...Lumpkin can't be stopped. Except, maybe, by...

Peter Corcoran!

He makes short work of Lumpkin.

And to take care of Midas?


Now, this is confusing. In a story four years ago, we saw Merlin, and Kid didn't summon him--he was still alive!! And he was a villain!!

So did Merlin die in the interim? Was there more than one Merlin? What the hell? Am I the only one paying attention?!?!

Anyway, this Merlin can out-alchemy Dr. Midas!

With Lumpkin out of the way, Kid can handle this!

But Berta has recovered, and she's taking the formula!!

How to stop her??

The Pied Piper!!

And now for your gratuitous sexism of the day:

Oh, Kid.

But that cop isn't going to let Kid get away with leaving the street filled wit rats!

So why not summon...

Sir Richard Whittington and Graymalkin!!

Now, there was a real Richard Whittingon, who was actually 4-time mayor of London, back in the 14th & 15th centuries. Now, there's no evidence he had a cat, but he was quite popular, and was the inspiration for the bit of folklore Dick Whittington And His Cat. So, we're confused again. I'll just count the (real) historical figure and the no doubt fictional cat as separate summons. Because it's my blog.

And because Graymalkin does most of the work!

So, wait--you were going to run Kid Eternity in for leaving a bunch of live rats and mice around--but for leaving a bunch of dead ones, you'll let him go?!?! Come on, beat cop!!

The bad guys are sent away...

...and we end with a bad joke:


This was the sixtieth Kid Eternity story--60!!. Time flies when you're having fun!! Our standings are:

Mercury 5
Achilles 4
Atlas 3
Bunyan, Paul 3
Corbett, Jim 3
Holmes, Sherlock 3
Houdini, Harry 3
Leander 3
Robin Hood 3
Thor 3
Washington, George 3
Antony, Marc 2
Arthur, King 2
Bucephalus 2
Byron, George Gordon 2
Cody, “Buffalo” Bill 2
Columbus, Christopher 2
D'artagnan 2
de Bergerac, Cyrano 2
Ericson, Leif 2
Geronimo 2
Hercules 2
Jove 2
Khan, Genghis 2
Lister, Joseph 2
Milo Of Croton 2
Nostradamus 2
Porthos 2
Rin-Tin-Tin 2
Rogers' Rangers 2
Samson 2
Silver, Long John 2
Sullivan, John L. 2
Webster, Daniel 2
Abu 1
Adam 1
Apollo 1
Aramis 1
Arnold, Benedict 1
Astor, John Jacob 1
Athos 1
Attila The Hun 1
Attucks, Crispin 1
Baker, Lafayette 1
Barry's father 1
Barton, Clara 1
Bernhardt, Sarah 1
Bertillon, Alphonse 1
Blackhawk 1
Bluebeard 1
Bolivar, Simon 1
Boone, Daniel 1
Bowie, Jim 1
Boyd, Belle 1
Brady, Diamond Jim 1
Breitbart, Zishe 1
Caesar, Octavian 1
Cagliostro, Alessandro 1
Calhoun, John C. 1
Canary, Martha “Calamity” 1
Cannon, John W. 1
Capulet, Juliet 1
Carden, Foster 1
Carpenter, Daniel 1
Cave Man 1
Cherry Sisters 1
Christian, Fletcher 1
Clancy, Patrick 1
Cleopatra 1
Colt, Samuel 1
Corcoran, Peter 1
Crockett, Davy 1
Cronson, Gerald 1
Crusoe, Robinson 1
Custer, George Armstrong 1
d'Aubigny. Julie 1
Davis, Richard Harding 1
de Leon, Ponce 1
de Rais, Gilles 1
Decatur, Stephen 1
Discus Thrower 1
Dockstader, Lew 1
Dracula 1
Drake, Sir Francis 1
Dupin, C. Auguste 1
Edison, Thomas 1
Emery 1
Fagin 1
Fairbanks, Douglas Sr. 1
Faraday, Michael 1
Fink, Mike 1
Frankenstein's Monster 1
Franklin, Ben 1
Galahad 1
Goliath 1
Gotch, Frank 1
Gothicus, Claudius 1
Grant, Ulysses S. 1
Graymalkin 1
Greb, Harry 1
Griffiths, Albert 1
Gulliver, Lemuel 1
Hamilton, Alexander 1
Hatfield, John 1
Hathorne, John 1
Hauser, Kaspar 1
Henry, Patrick 1
Hermann, Alexander 1
Hickathrift, Tom 1
Hickok, Wild Bill 1
Hippocrates 1
Hodges, Joe 1
Hopkins, Matthew 1
Houston, Sam 1
Hyde, Edward 1
Hyer, Tom 1
Jackson, Andrew 1
James, Jesse 1
Javert 1
Jeffries, Jim 1
Johnson, Martin 1
Jones, John Paul 1
Kamehameha 1
Kidd, William 1
Lafayette, General 1
Lancelot 1
Laughing Cavalier 1
Laveran, Charles 1
Lee, Robert E. 1
Legree, Simon 1
Leonidas 1
Light Brigade 1
Lincoln, Abraham 1
Marable, Fate 1
Masterson, Bat 1
Merlin 1
Minutemen 1
Mix, Tom 1
Montague, Romeo 1
Montezuma 1
Morgan, Henry 1
Mulgrew, Jason 1
Murphy, Charles 1
Napoleon 1
Nation, Carrie 1
Neanderthal 1
Neptune 1
Nightingale, Florence 1
Noah 1
Nobel, Alfred 1
Nobody 1
North Wind 1
O'Brien, David 1
Oakley, Annie 1
Og 1
Orpheus 1
Osceola 1
Paddock, Charley 1
Pasteur, Louis 1
Penelope 1
Perseus 1
Pheidippides 1
Pied Piper 1
Pinkerton, Allan 1
Plastic Man 1
Pocahontas 1
Post, Wiley 1
Prometheus 1
Quixote, Don 1
Revere, Paul 1
Richard the LionHeart 1
Robespierre, Maximilien 1
Roc 1
Russell, Lillian 1
Rustum 1
Ryan, Paddy 1
Sandow, Eugen 1
Sayers, Tom 1
Schleyer, Johann 1
Serra, Junipero 1
Siegfried 1
Skunk, Jimmy 1
Socrates 1
Solomon 1
Stanley, Henry 1
Steinmetz, Charles 1
Tecumseh 1
Tell, William 1
Thalfi 1
Thumb, Tom 1
Thurston, Howard 1
Tiglath IV 1
Tuck, Friar 1
Tut-ankh-amen 1
Twain, Mark 1
Ulysses 1
Uncas 1
Vercingetorix 1
Villa, Pancho 1
Villon, Francois 1
Vulcan 1
Watson, John H 1
Whittington, Richard 1
Xanthippe 1
Zbyzko, Stanislaus 1

NEXT--Kid Vs. The Phantom Stranger?!?

From Kid Eternity #10 (1948)