Friday, March 30, 2018

The Neverending Story

In for some procedures today...I'll be taking the weekend off here. Sorry...

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Dial E For Eternity--PIRATES!!

Generally, since the advent of Kid Eternity's solo magazine, the longer stories in Hit Comics have been better--the increased space making for deeper and more developed plots, better villains, etc.

But not in this case. We have a wafer thin plot, a repetitive story, and in all honesty, Kid doesn't accomplish a single thing: the story turns out exactly the same as if he had never showed up!!

We start with much confusion in Eternity's bureaucracy.

My guidance counselor never told me that "bookkeeper for Eternity" was a career option!

OK, that is at least the third major cock-up since we've been following this series--Keeper took Kid's soul 75 years early; another collector brought Kathryn to Eternity early to look for her dead cat, even though the cat wasn't dead and Kathryn didn't die; and now this! Let's just say that Eternity really needs to get its act together!!

Well, it doesn't take Kid long to find a clue as to who is missing from the afterlife:

Ye olde tyme pirates sailing modern oceans?!?!? That's gotta be our missing deadites!

So Kid calls for help...

But...summonus interruptus!!

What gives? A quick jaunt back to Eternity reveals...

True--Kid had summoned Kidd before!

Seriously. I think 3 times in 23 stories is pretty "often," Kid. Heads need to roll in that Collection Bureau!!

So it's back to Earth...

John Paul Jones!! (No, not the Zeppelin bassist!) And he puts up a mighty battle!!

...but loses!

The Kid gets the Billy Batson treatment...

...but finds a painful way out:

To finish the escape, he call upon...

Breitbart?!?! No, not that Breitbart--it's Zishe Breitbart, famous circus strongman!!

And to take care of the sword-wielding pirates on deck?

D'artagnan!! (Before you quibble, he was a real guy...Dumas created a highly fictionalized version of him for his romance novels!)

Anyway, D'artagnan holds off the pirates.


The U.S. Coast Guard!!

Well, that ends that...even a skilled 17th century pirate wouldn't stand a chance against a modern naval warship, right?

Don't tell that to Captain Kidd!

Well, this can't go well...

Sir Francis Drake!!

But, seriously, do you really think even he can beat a modern naval vessel?

Anyway, Captain Kidd seizes the moment... be a treacherous dickweed!!

Hey, he's a pirate--what do you expect?

Anyway, the whole adventure is for naught, as...

How convenient for you, Kid!

Back in the afterlife...

So...Kidd & crew would have been sent back to Eternity anyway by the Coast Guard; John Paul Jones and Francis Drake were failures, and got messily "re-killed" for their troubles; and really, the whole thing was as exciting as a bookkeeping error.

But still...PIRATES!!

After 23 stories, the standings are...

Achilles 2
Antony, Marc 1
Atlas 2
Attila The Hun 1
Attucks, Crispin 1
Barry's father 1
Bernhardt, Sarah 1
Bertillon, Alphonse 1
Blackhawk 1
Boone, Daniel 1
Breitbart, Zishe 1
Bucephalus 1
Bunyan, Paul 2
Byron, George Gordon 1
Caesar, Octavian 1
Canary, Martha “Calamity” 1
Cannon, John W. 1
Carden, Foster 1
Cherry Sisters 1
Clancy, Patrick 1
Cody, “Buffalo” Bill 1
Columbus 1
Corbett, Jim 1
Custer, George Armstrong 1
D'artagnan 1
de Leon, Ponce 1
Decatur, Stephen 1
Dockstader, Lew 1
Don Quixote 1
Drake, Sir Francis 1
Emery 1
Ericson, Leif 1
Galahad 1
Grant, Ulysses S. 1
Greb, Harry 1
Griffiths, Albert 1
Hercules 1
Hickok, Wild Bill 1
Holmes, Sherlock 1
Houdini 2
Hyer, Tom 1
Jackson, Andrew 1
Jeffries, Jim 1
Jones, John Paul 1
Khan, Genghis 1
Kidd, William 1
King Arthur 1
Leander 1
Lee, Robert E. 1
Leonidas 1
Lincoln, Abraham 1
Marable, Fate 1
Mercury 3
Murphy, Charles 1
Napoleon 1
Nation, Carrie 1
Nightingale, Florence 1
Noah 1
Nobody 1
Osceola 1
Paddock, Charley 1
Pheidippides 1
Pinkerton, Allan 1
Plastic Man 1
Porthos 1
Prometheus 1
Robin Hood 2
Russell, Lillian 1
Samson 2
Sandow, Eugen 1
Schleyer, Johann 1
Siegfried 1
Solomon 1
Sullivan, John L. 1
Tell, William 1
Thor 1
Thurston, Howard 1
Tiglath IV 1
Tut-ankh-amen 1
Twain, Mark 1
Vercingetorix 1
Washington, George 1
Webster, Daniel 1
Zbyzko, Stanislaus 1

NEXT--It does NOT take a thief to catch a thief!!

From Hit Comics #41 (1946)

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

The Greatest Namor-Green Lantern Fight You Never Saw!!

Namor's looking for some gangsters who are trying to make a bundle by getting around war-time gasoline rationing...
The Green Lantern?!?!

Indeed, that's the pub's name!

Namor's busting up the joint...

But the place is called the Green Lantern for a reason...


Green Lantern 1, Namor 0!!!

From All-Winners Comics #13 (1944)

The Lady Or The Tiger...Or The Whizzer?

Nutty scientist Dr. Krool is one of those evil, unethical type of guys...

Well, he kidnaps a girl and invites her fiance to rescue her by successfully navigating his "death maze."

Fortunately, the Whizzer is there to help...with the impassable treadmill...

...or the tar floor...

...or the floor full of mines...

...or the room you have to run one million laps around...

...or the giant hamster wheel...

Geez, Doc, it's like you designed each of your death traps to be thwared beaten by a super-speed character!!

Well, there's one more kind of familiar trap:

A conundrum for most, to sure...but not when you're the Whizzer!!

The lady or the tiger doesn't work against someone with mongoose blood, Krool!!

From All-Winners Comics #13 (1944)