Tuesday, July 31, 2018

Your Tax Dollars At Work--McGruff And The Fourth Wall!

Guess what it's time for, guys?!?

Yeah!! Who doesn't love a surprise?!?

Good question!! Who is the party for, McGruff?!?!

Who? Tell us who!!


After many pages of party preparation (mixed with saying "no" to drugs)...

Who is it!?!?



The comic book is talking to me!!! A DOG WEARING CLOTHES is talking--TO ME!!!!

I am soooo freaking out right now!

Who are you? Why are you talking to me?!?!? How can you even see me?!?!?!!? What is happening?!?!?

I am soooo frakked up right now!! MAKE IT STOP!! MAKE IT STOP!!!

Too late, McGruff.

While I try to chill out and come down, here's some projects for you guys:

Dude, I think reading this while I was high was a big mistake!!

McGruff's Surprise Party is from 1989

Joker's Hit Parade!!

I miss the days when the Joker was just a colorful guy who committed brash crimes, rather than a genocidal maniac who cared about nothing except using a body count to annoy Batman.

Like, for instance, the time he based a whole series of crimes on America's Top 40--and he was so busy getting rich that he didn't even kill anyone!!

We start with the Joker & gang idly listing to the radio...

And so, a new themed crime wave is launched!

So how do you commit a crime based on Old Man River?

Joker made sure that his plan got to Batman...

That's an actual song, by the way...they all are!!

It goes on and on...

Bad guess, Batman!

Well, Batman finally shows up at this crime, but the Joker gets away--and captures Robin!! And he doesn't even kill the Boy Wonder with a crowbar or anything!

Now, if you thought the Joker was coming up with crimes on the spot, planning instantly once he heard what the day's most requested song was--WRONG!!

He's the Joker...of course he cheated!

Wait--people request songs...by mail? They had to send in letters? It's 1947--did Gotham not have telephones yet? Did folks really have time to write letters to their local radio stations requesting songs?? What the heck?

Still, it makes it easy for Batman to track down the Joker's lair...

Unfortunately, Batman hadn't been elevated to godhood yet by writers desperate to top each other, so of course he gets captured, while the Joker leaves for one more crime:

Gotham City has an "Electric Company Hall Of Wonders!" How could anyone think this city could be a hellhole?

Anyway, batman finally beats the Clown Prince Of Crime:

Ha ha ha!

If you were to ask me, Batman missed two major opportunities to wrap this case up earlier.

First of all, the radio station surely didn't decide at the last moment what the most requested song of the day was. And of course they would have cooperated with Batman and the police, letting them know ahead of time what the #1 song was, So Batman could crack the clue early and beat the Joker there.

Secondly--and this is the way I would have written the story--Batman himself (together with Robin and Alfred, of course) should have written hundreds of letters of his own, so his song would be #1 instead of the Joker's!! And to save face with his gang and the public, Joker wouldn't be able to admit that--he'd have to pretend it was his choice, and concoct some crime to go with the song Batman picked. And of course, Batman would be there waiting for him.

That's why I'm not allowed to write comics. Even 1940s comics.

From Detective Comics #124 (1947)

Monday, July 30, 2018

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Personality Workshop!!

You know that time that you were just trying to watch some TV with your friends in the rec room, when...

...when that goofy aunt of yours had to butt in with her opinions on personality!

Well, Aunt Eileen might have a point, as the kids are pretty clueless as to what "personality" is:

Yeah, keep on dreaming, George.

Don't worry, Aunt Eileen is here to crush all their childish dreams and hopes!

So, wait?!? Personality is how you look? How you feel?

"Your ability to enjoy beautiful things" is personality? What about your ability to appreciate ugly things? Or look beyond the surface?!?1

Anyway, here comes the clincher:

Yes, the most important part of your personality is...your religion.

Look, this is from Treasure Chest Of Fun and Fact Volume 13 #1 (1957). It was distributed in Catholic schools (which is kind of a rip-off, because my school never gave me comic books!), from a publisher that specialized in Catholic publications. So it's probably no surprise that religion got worked into Aunt Eileen's "personality workshop."

But to basically say that if you don't believe in God, you don't have a personality?

Bite me.

We end with perhaps a better way to state our message:

Umm, if you have to think about it, it's not your personality, it's a facade, kid.


Oh, trust me, we'll come back for that story.