In Which snell Gets Cranky Over A Comic Promotion He's Not Even Participating In

You know, they don't make mail-in offers they way they used to...

This is the "rules" half of the mail-in coupon in this week's Harbinger Renegade #1.

If you mail in the four coupons--one from each of the 1st four issues of Harbinger Renegade--you get a copy of Harbinger Wars 2 #0!! What a deal, right?

Hang on.

First of all, you have to mutilate your copies of the comics. OK, OK, it's on a separate insert that's bound to the staple. But, you know as well as I do that that folks grading the comics will be looking to see if that insert is intact, if you want to get a good grade on the book.

Still, minor detail, right? Just send in 4 coupons, get a free comic.

Not so fast.

They'll send you the comic, all right--for a $10 "shipping and handling" fee. TEN DOLLARS. And it's gotta be by snail mail, so no plastic--cash or check only!! (Kids, ask me, I can explain to you what "checks" are.)

Well, TEN DOLLARS is pretty ridiculous s & h fee. But the beauty part is, it won't ship until December 31, 2017. 

Assuming Renegades makes schedules, that means you're sending Valiant $10 in February...for a comics you won't get for at least 10 months. (They only guarantee that it will "ship by" 12/31/17...given 4th class mail and the holiday season, don't take any bets on when the comic actually arrives in your mailbox.) They'll sit on your money (and whatever feeble interest it might earn) for more than 3/4 of a year.

Still, it's an investment, right? Obviously, Harbinger Wars 2 #0 will have very limited quantities in circulation--a collectors item!! Big bucks!!

Sorry to stop you again.

But did you look at the fine print?? Despite the fact that you're giving Valiant TEN DOLLARS for "shipping and handling," they "assume no responsibility for damages or loss incurred in transit." Yup, you're paying TEN DOLLARS for shipping and handling, but hey, if it gets damaged in the shipping or handling, well, your loss.

To summarize: if you despoil 4 of your comics, and send in the coupons, and send them 10 bucks, Valiant will sit on your money for almost a year, and then mail you an "exclusive" comic (which will likely be reprinted for FCBD 2018 anyway!), which they won't even guarantee arrives in good condition.

Helluva deal there.

Because We Won't Tolerate Scientific Innacuracy In Our Super-Hero Universe!!

You may have hard of Amazon's Kindle Worlds. It's a program wherein certain intellectual property owners allow folks to write and e-publish "fan-fics" set in their worlds. And the authors get paid royalties off any sales.

So if you had a yen to write a story set in the Gossip Girl universe you can--legally, and without fear of the lawyers coming after you--and get paid for it, to boot.

I bring this up on my cow-town comic book blog because Valiant has allowed most of their series to be used here. If I want to write and publish an Archer & Armstrong story, it's all good. Eternal Warrior? Fine by them!!

Now, each of the "Worlds" does have a set of content guidelines you have to follow. After all, they don't want you putting out something that might damage the brand, or somehow infringe someone's copyright. So it's mostly not terribly surprising boilerplate--no pornography, no slurs, no crossovers with other Worlds, no product placement, etc.

But each of the Valiant Worlds has has a specific content guideline that none of the others do:

Right.

Because in a universe where Goths are kidnapped by aliens for 1500 years and return to Earth wearing super-powerful sentient space armor, we wouldn't want any wanton disregard for scientific and historical accuracy.

And in a World where a band of rogue mutants psiots contest against another group of powerful mutants psiots for world domination, we can't have wanton disregard for scientific and historical accuracy.

And in a story featuring a soldier transformed into an unstoppable killing machine by nanites that instantly heal any wound, well, I think you know what I'm going to say.

Valiant--disregarding scientific and historical accuracy--but not wantonly, apparently.

Oh, and if you want to write a story set in the G.I. Joe universe, there's a very special rule for you:

I have absolutely no idea what the hell that's about, but then again, I've never even read a G.I. Joe comic or seen the cartoon...

Tales From The Quarter Bin--For Your Protection!

Found in the Quarter Bin yesterday:

Oh, the memories.

This is how the book appeared on the shelf when new, back in 1995: a white wrap-around prophylactic cover, warning us how potentially dangerous the real cover is.

Of course, there is absolutely nothing on the cover to indicate what comic it is, or even what company published it (the back cover is pure white). So this little sales gimmick meant you had to pick the book up of the shelf, and look inside at the "graphic" cover to even know what you might be passing up. To that extent, effective gimmick, I guess.

And inside, the real cover?

Oh, sweet and naive 1995. "Graphic nature"??? This would be just another panel in a 21st century Geoff Johns comic. And these days, we don't even get the benefit of a special cover warning us of gratuitously severed limbs.

Still, Paul Gulacy drew the hell out of that detached arm, right?

SPOILER ALERT: Gilad had the arm reattached. All better...

SPOILER ALERT--Our Princess (And Project Rising Spirit) Is In Another Castle!!

You all know by now that I am no fan of incentive covers, especially for "theme" months.

Back in my day a cover told you what was in the comic--even the lyingest covers--and helped to sell the books. And, in concession to my crappy memory, a good cover helped me remember what books I had already read when I encountered a stack at garage sale of quarter bin.

Whereas these specialty covers so rampant today--attractive only to obsessive collectors--exist solely as a way to artificially boost sales numbers, and probably do nothing to help gain new reader., Which is the opposite of what covers should be doing.

But I'll be damned if these "8-bit" covers for Valiant's June releases--by Matthew Waite--don't have me lusting after them:

I guess I'm not so old and cranky after all...