Why We're Lucky Batman Vs Superman Didn't Take Place On Earth-2!!

It's easy to forget some of the subtle differences between the Superman of Earth-1 and the Superman of Earth-2. One easy example: Earth-2's is named Kal-L, not Kal-El.

Here's another one most people have forgotten, as Clark Kent-2 has his first meeting with Lana Lang-2:

Wait, wait wait--what was that editor's note again, Julie?

Flash forward a few years, as Batman stands over a prone Kal-L with a kryptonite spear.

BATMAN: You were never a god. You were never even a man.

SUPERMAN: You're letting them kill Mary!!

BATMAN: Sorry, I don't know anyone by that name.

He plunges the spear into Superman's chest, killing him. 

THE END.

See? The ridiculous coincidence of their mothers having the same first name was a great plot point, and the only thing that stopped Batman from straight up murdering Superman (not to mention the brilliant screenwriting that set it up so that coincidence works if and only if Superman says "Save Martha" instead "Save my mom" or such...).

Too bad about Earth-2 getting wiped out by Doomsday, though...

From Superman Family #203 (1980)

Manic Monday Bonus--BvS, The Ultimate Ultimate Ultimate Edition!!

Let's begin at the end, as Batman and Superman have put down another fiendish plan by Lex Luthor.

It's the next day, and by gum, Clark Kent wants a hot dog!

Ah, but fortunately...

Now, this is the kind of Batman v Superman I can get behind--stupid practical jokes and public punking!!

You know, it's too bad that kid fell, because I really want to know what Batman's endgame was with the $72 hot dog bit. Would he have relented, and winked, and let Clark know it was a joke? Would he have continued to embarrass Clark, and make him pay lest the people of Metropolis thought he was a skinflint? What the hell would he have done with the money if Clark paid? 

From Superman Annual #9 (1983)

Manic Monday Bonus--Super-Hero Groupies!!

There's a grand celebration in Central Park--it's Avengers' Day, as the world thanks the Assembled Ones for saving the world from the Mandarin!

Of course, the Super-Adaptoid used that as an opportunity to try and kill them, but no worries--the kicked his keister!

But is the threat over...?

Please, Hercules, tell us more about the god-groupies of ancient Greece!!

Anyway, back to celebrating heroes!

Whoa...people actually like their heroes?

Remember--this was a team that included mutants, pagans, ex-criminals, illegals immigrants...yet instead of this:

...we get this:

Huh. I guess in some universes, the public celebrates their heroes. Who knew?

From Avengers #45 (1967)

A Conspiracy Of Critics?

You know, there's a bunch of folderol out there about how critics who didn't like Batman v. Superman: Dawn Of Justice have some sort of hidden agenda, or are on the Disney payroll, or just hate movies, or whatever.

Sure. If anyone disagrees with you, it must be a conspiracy, right? No one has legitimate differences of aesthetic preferences, right? If someone doesn't validate your opinion, they must be evil, and shunned.

Of course, that takes us back to the halcyon days of 1995:

Oh, yeah, that.

That film has an 18% on Rotten Tomatoes, and a 0%--yes, ZERO--amongst "top" critics. Obviously, we acknowledge the caveats about a lot of that era's reviews not being available on the internet, etc. Maybe only the bad reviews survived Y2K...but obviously, the film was not well-received. Unless you want to argue there was some serious anti-Dredd plotting going on behind the scenes, or that the $227,000,000 global box office (after adjusting for inflation) means it was made for fans and not critics.

Ah, but not EVERYONE hated it. 2000 AD ran a review from then-famous TODAY show critic Gene Shalit (click to embiggen to full rave review size!):

Good lord, he even praises Rob Schneider's performance.

Look, Gene Shalit is 90 now, but if someone would get him to a theater, I'm sure he would enthusiastically help raise BvS's Rotten Tomatoes score...that will teach those (other) snooty critics!!

From 2000 AD #952 (1995). No, Dan Jurgens, Action Comics will NOT be the first comic book to reach #1000...

The True Story Of How Batman V. Superman Got Made!

Well, I haven't seen Batman V. Superman: The Dawn Of Justice yet, but the critical consensus so far has been...unkind. I find out this evening.

But...what if...the heroes deliberately made the film bad?!?

Before Gotham City became a hellhole, Commissioner Gordon had nothing better to do than cajole Batman and Robin to entertain the public!

Superman hears and decides to join in. And a certain filmmaker is going to make a big donation to charity for the right to film to show!

But he has an ulterior motive, of course...

Well, over a harrowing three days, every single reenactment goes disastrously wrong!! For example:

No exaggeration--every single stunt goes wrong!! So Zack Snyder Henry Bartle is pretty cheesed!

So much for the orphans!

Of course there's an explanation...

You bastards! How dare you try to make money after legitimately purchasing the right to make a movie!!

D'oh!!!

So, anyway, you can believe that WB deliberately made a Superman/Batman movie that's received critical disdain.

OR you can believe that Kal-El & Bruce deliberately ruined the movie thermselves, so that DC and Zack Snyder would give back the rights, and then the heroes could go on to make the good movie which would make millions for charity. Except, of course, DC didn't realize it was a turkey, and released it anyway.

I know which theory I believe...

From World's Finest Comics #86 (1957)

Zack Snyder's Superman, Or, Damn That Aborist Cabal!!

Allow me to present a stern rebuke for those who don't think that Zack Snyder knows how to make a Superman movie!

Speaking to DC All Access (you can see the interview on the last interior page in this week's DC books, if you're still reading any DC books), Mr. Snyder tells us what's up with the Man Of Steel since snapping Zod's neck:

Over the last two years he’s basically been Superman as pop culture would know him. He’s been righting wrongs, there have been floods, mines have collapsed, bridges have collapsed, churches have caught on fire. He’s basically been a hero. When we find him, he’s been dealing with the everyday world of being a superhero, but there’s a paradigm shift happening in that the unintended consequences of some of those rescues are starting to come into fruition. He’s starting to see that every action has a reaction. Like, if you’re just taking a cat out of a tree, you can’t touch anything or the arborists will say, ‘He damaged the tree branch when he got the cat down.’ Or, ‘The cat wasn’t neutered, so now there’s thousands of cats.’ There’s no winning anymore for Superman.

 So, let's hope that you're not a cat stuck in a tree in Metropolis, because a simple act like this...


...is now fraught with controversy and political implications.You might damage a twig! The cat might breed! Roving bands of  "arborists" street-fighting with PETA!! The humanity!!!

Yup, that's the kind of Superman movie America wants and needs--one where "there's no winning" for Superman. Because that's the only reason Kal-El does these heroics--not because of intrinsic goodness, but because of how others might react! Someone might write a mean tweet about him for Rao's sake!! Ohs nos!! He can never "win."

Yup. Really nailed the essence of Superman there, Zack. Uh-huh. Yep.

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Mano A Mano

Look, if DC is going to insist on having Batman fight Superman, because that somehow leads to justice, can we at the very least insist on a straight up gladiator fight?

Isn't that much more tolerable? No innocent bystanders, no collateral damage...just pump in some of the original Star Trek fight music, and you've got you're damned movie!!

Or, if shields and swords are too boring for you:

Of course, if we have to have a Superman vs. Somebody movie, you know who it should be:

Because, man, I would buy an awful lot of tickets to watch Kal-El pummel Hal Jordan...

World's Finest Comics #143 is from 1964, #163 from 1966. and #201 from 1971

It's Also A Better Idea Than Yet Another Ra's Al Ghul Appearance!

If we ever get another Batman solo movie, I would pay an awful lot of money to ensure that this was the plot:

Come on, you have to admit that it's a better plot than "Superman accidentally drops a building on Wayne Enterprise employees, so Batman vows to kill him." No one would make a movie like that...oh, wait...

From The Essential Batman Encyclopedia (2008)

Proof Positive That DC's TV Shows Are Better Than Its Movies

Not to state the obvious...

...but when your own kids would rather hang out with Green Arrow and Flash than with you, well, perhaps it's time to admit that the CW is kicking Warner movie division's ass.

Don't worry, Zack Snyder and David Goyer, someone will still show up to your gloomy film...just not the Super-Sons, apparently...

From World's Finest #231 (1975)