Follow Me As I Waste My Life

Hang on, guys--we're going down the rabbit hole here...

If you've been here long enough, you know how obsessed I am with comic book geography, and comic book movie geography. I'm the idiot who will spend hours on Google Earth trying to find the Batcave with data from one half-glimpsed frame in The Dark Knight Rises. Hours!(Spoiler alert--it's under Universal Studios!!)

So when Tony Stark gives us his freakin' address, you know I'm going to completely waste a day or three tracking this down.

Start with this clip from Iron Man Three:


Dude...you gave you street address to a major terrorist. That is so bad-ass!!

Or is it?

Because it turns out that there is no "10880 Malibu Point" (or "Pointe" or "Pt") in ZIP Code 90265. Google Maps gives us the disappointment:

There's a number of 10880s--Malibu Colony Rd, Malibu Pier, Malibu Crest Drive, Malibu Canyon Road. There are a number of other eponymous roads in Malibu--Malibu Road, Malibu Country Drive, Malibu Cove Colony Drive--not a lot of imagination from the city planners, it looks like--all of which are in different ZIP codes or have street numbers far above or below 10880.

So we're stymied, right?

Hahahahaha, you know not the depths of my obsession. Let's turn to the bonus materials that came with the awesome Marvel Movies Briefcase...namely, Tony Stark's bio sheet:

(Now, before you ask, 200 Park Avenue is a real address, and that is the correct ZIP Code. No, Avengers Towers is not really there. Yes, of course I spent hours researching this. Sigh...)

Anyhow, we should look at his California address from the S.H.I.E.L.D. data:

Yes, there is a Cliffside Drive in Malibu. No, there is no 39 Cliffside Drive...the street numbers are all in the 20,000s.

And that ZIP Code? Obviously not California. So where is it from?

People, there is NO 56677 ZIP Code. It does not exist. (56676 and 56678 are in Minnesota, of all places...but 56677 doesn't exist!!)

And now it all begins to make sense! Obviously, S.H.I.E.L.D. has been providing Stark with fictitious addresses, fake locations, to help deter attacks from terrorist warlords and evil think tanks and the Soulfather and whomever!

So when people have complained that Tony Stark was crazy to give out his address like that, well, crazy like a fox!! It was all a trap, trying to draw the Mandarin to a fictitious address!! And that just shows how clever his organization was...because they found Stark anyway, at his real address!!

Damn, I am a loser...

Snappy Answers To Silly Critiques (**Spoilers For Iron Man Three**)

THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR IRON MAN THREE--BEWARE.

I thought Iron Man Three was rather good. Still, any movie has it's flaws, and is subject to legitimate critiques.

These critiques, however, are not legitimate.

I. WHY DIDN'T S.H.I.E.L.D. OR THE OTHER AVENGERS COME TO HELP OUT? HUH?!?

Yes, I am certain that every time Iron Man has faced off against the Mandarin, all of his allies showed up to help...

Err...OK, I'm sure that whenever Tony faced off against AIM and assorted other super-villains, S.H.I.E.L.D. was right there to help--they'd never let Tony go solo...

Ummm...All right, if ever a colossal menace threatened our entire federal government, there's no way that the Avengers would let Iron Man face it all on his lonesome...

Well...you have to acknowledge, if Tony Stark were believed to be dead, well, every super-hero and secret government agency would be there to pick up the slack...

Look, the problem with this critique is that it also applies to virtually every issue of every hero's solo title EVER. OMG, the Red Skull has the Cosmic Cube--how come Captain America has to deal with that alone? Brainiac about to destroy Earth? Where the hell is the Justice League? This is one of those things we accept with a wink and a nod in our comics. It's Comics Trope 101, right after "glasses or a domino mask won't hide your identity!" But because it's in a movie now, some people think it's somehow different. It's not. In the Marvel Movie Universe, not everyone is going to show up in every movie. Deal with it.

Plus, the movie explains it fairly well. Rhodey tells Stark that the government doesn't want any super-heroes involved in this. See how easy that was? The other guys listened, or were busy. And when Stark did get involved only he had all the data and the smarts to figure out where to go. For all we know, Hawkeye and Black Widow were looking for him or the baddies--but they had no clue where to start. Easy peasy.

II. OMG TONY STARK HARDLY SPENT ANY TIME IN HIS ARMOR!! I THOUGHT THIS WAS IRON MAN 3, NOT TONY STARK I!!

Fair enough, because really, who would ever want to see Tony Stark playing secret agent?

Urrr...no one would ever desire to see Stark out of the armor...that's the only reason to see the mvoie or read the comic--to see him as Iron Man!!

Maybe the blunt summary at the end ("the armor was becoming a cocoon") was too subtle. But the whole theme of the freaking movie was Tony finding himself and becoming less reliant on the armor. So, no, we didn't need more "Tony as Iron Man" scenes.

As for me, I enjoyed seeing CSI Tony, Secret Agent Tony, Mechanic Tony, etc...

III. TONY WAS REALLY STUPID FOR GIVING OUT HIS ADDRESS ON LIVE TV

Yes, because no one in the world knew where Tony Stark lived. It's not like he took reporters back to his crib for intimate encounters; he never threw huge birthday parties with hundreds of guests there whilst doing Iron Man tricks. Nope, his home was a classified secret.

Yes, publicly challenging the Mandarin like that was reckless and stupid, as he acknowledged. He was distraught over Happy, and his other troubles had him way off his A game. But giving out his address had nothing whatsoever to do with his being attacked (unless we assume that our villains can't use Google, or even a phone book). And, in Tony's defense, the helicopter attack on his home was absolutely nothing like the Mandarin's M.O. He was expecting a suicide bomber, not air-to-ground missiles.

IV. STARK TOLD RHODEY THE ARMORS WOULD ONLY WORK FOR TONY--BUT PEPPER USED IT!! WTF?!?

Yes, but all of the armors at Rhodey's portion of the battle were older armors. The one Pepper used each time was the Mark 42, which was an unfinished prototype, so presumably it hadn't been finally "set" to the "only-Stark" setting yet. It probably would have worked for Rhodey, too, but it didn't show up until after he left. Or, alternately, Tony did specifically design it to work for Pepper, to better protect her...he just didn't want to hurt Rhodey's feelings by telling him that.

Thus endeth the rant.

Manic Monday--HOLY CRAP?!?! WTF?!?!?!

I would suggest that this may be a spoiler for Iron Man 3, but A) It's based on a frame taken directly from the trailer, so it's already out there, and B) is based on wild-ass guessing by me. So read at your own risk...

So, I'm watching Oblivion in IMAX yesterday (I know, I know, sue me).

And whilst I have seen the Iron Man 3 trailer many a time, this is the first time I've seen said trailer on a huge screen in ridiculously clear digital. (Now's the time to leave if you don't want to know...)

And what did I notice for the very first time on this viewing?

Watch or download "Trailer 2," preferably at 720p or 1080p, as it can be too hard to see at smaller resolutions.

 And at precisely 45 seconds in, the Mandarin lowers the hood of his robe as we see him from behind.

And what do we see there on his neck?

Wait a minute.

WAIT JUST ONE COTTON-PICKING MINUTE!!

Is that...could that be...?

Does the Mandarin have a tattoo of Captain America's shield on his neck?!?

Let's take a closer look, shall we?

HO. LY. CRAP. 

It's even got the same color scheme...Red, white, red, blue field with white symbol.

Now, granted, that looks like an "A," not the proper white star. But maybe it's a crude attempt at a star...or maybe the tattooist just got it wrong (and nobody dared mention it to the Mandarin, because, hey, who wants to give that guy bad news?).

Surely it's not a coincidence, right? Not in our shared Marvel Movie Universe. But what does it mean?

Is Captain America somehow involved in the Mandarin's origin? Was the Mandarin working for Hydra during Marvel WWII? Did Cap somehow cause his defeat or disgrace, and Mandarin tattooed that symbol on his neck so he would always remember? Or, did the Red Skull do that to him as a punishment? Was the mandarin somehow involved in the Super Soldier program?

Does this mean that we can except a surprise guest appearance from Cap in Iron Man 3? Maybe in a flashback? A cameo from Zola or the Red Skull?!?!? Some tie-in with next Cap movie, The Winter Soldier?!?!?!

Is it May 3rd yet?