Well, if the
Guardians Of The Galaxy film proved one thing, it's that Marvel can make a film out of pretty much
any of its properties, no matter how obscure. If you write it well and direct it well (and advertise the living hell out of it and give it a bitchin' soundtrack), people will come.
And the (modern) Guardians comic proved that if you just take a bunch of random, underused characters (
ahem LOSERS ahem) who really don't have any relation to each other and throw them together, that can work. A more successful version of the
Defenders, it seems.
So I'm going to help Marvel find it's "
next Guardians," the C and D characters who will rack of a few hundred million at the box office.
And to make it a challenge, I'm
only going to use characters who've starred in
Marvel Premiere and
Marvel Spotlight, because that's a key breeding ground for losers.
Let's start with
this guy...
...and his sister:
People keep forgetting that
Disney owns
Satan (at least, Marvel's version!)
People keep saying, "
Demons are the new zombies," whatever that means. Well, if it's true, the
Marvel Cinematic Universe is primed to take advantage, with a brother/sister act that makes
Pietro and
Wanda look like
Sugar & Spike.
Next up:
I know,
I know...but people said a talking raccoon would never work, either. Bonus: it recaptures the
Mantlo/Giffen magic of
Rocket! Bonus: hundreds of "They made a
Woodgod movie before they made a
Wonder Woman movie" tweets.
Next:
Look, if Marvel is going keep making their movies
3D, they might as well get
meta about it, right? Plus, his origin is a prime opportunity to work
Skrulls into the MCU...
Next:
Oh, come on, just
look at that! It's already a damn movie poster! Sci-fi sword and sorcery werewolf?!? That's higher than high concept--it's
brilliant!
Finally:
Let's out-obscure
Star Lord, shall we? A blind bounty-hunter from an alternate future who uses a golden mechanical falcon named
Ulyssess to see?!? Think of all the "
bird's-point-of-view" shots the director could indulge himself with!
So that's our new Guardians:
Son Of Satan and
Satana, Woodgod,
3D Man,
Man-Wolf, and
Monark Starstalker! Hmm...what shall we call our new franchise? The Defenders?
The Champions? Whatever, it's money in the bank!
Wait, you say...what about
this guy?
Sorry, even Marvel couldn't make a good film out of this guy...
