Tales From the Quarter Bin--Uggh!

When I was a wee tyke, and had relatively few comics, I of course would re-read them ad infinitum. And some of those DC house ads intrigued the living heck outta young me. Say what you want about late 60's/early 70's DC, but they knew how to do fantastic covers. I wanted to read some of those advertised but unattainable stories soooo badly...

So look what I found in the quarter bin this week:

Teen Titans #24, 1969. In my book, that is one GREAT cover. And in the imagination of 'Lil snell, that obviously meant it must contain a GREAT story.

Uhhh....not so much.

So in a week when Bob Haney is (deservedly) getting a lot of good publicity for the posthumous Lost Teen Titans Annual, let's look back at one of his...uhhh...not so good moments.

Story-wise, this issue is completely forgettable. It's literally a Scooby-Doo plot, where the evil restaurant owner is trying to drive tourists away from the ski resort so he can buy the land. Look, they even get called meddling kids at one point!

But since the plot was old school even in 1969, what's left to talk about? Well, there's the great Gil Kane/Nick Cardy art. Or, we could discuss Bob Haney's laughably wonderful attempts to master "hip" teen dialogue:

Because really, there is nothing quite like a 43 year old white-collar guy trying sooooo hard and earnestly to cram every single dialogue balloon with lingo he picked up from Laugh-In...and I do mean every single panel.

But then there is the slightly more off-putting stuff. Specifically, the casually stereotyped ethnic characterizations. You see, the ski resort in question is Medicine Mountain, and is owned Native Americans:

The chap in the hat is Eddie Tallbow; his tribe owns the resort. Now, I'm not too huge on political correctness, and I'm the first to say that when reading material from the past, you've got to "grade on the curve" a bit, to account for the sensitivities of the time in which it was created.

But Eddie's "wampum" reference (in the very first panel of the book!) is not a good sign of things to come. Virtually every single panel with Eddie contains a "paleface" or "ugh" or "heap" or "flipped his wigwam..." And then there's "old Charlie By-And-By, the "half cracked seer and medicine man" of the tribe." Let's see what an adult American Indian has to say:

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear, again!

Hey, maybe we can insult multiple ethnic groups in a single panel:

Sigh....I know I'm being too harsh, but the sheer relentlessness of Haney's characterization by stereotype in the story is embarrassing. You might think that the "hip" 1960's teens that Haney was portraying would be a little more sensitive, but then again, they're not really hip. Haney is just parroting popular culture for teen stereotypes, just as he is for his portrayal of Indians. It's Mod Squad meets F-Troop.

Shoot, I'm being too harsh again. But at a time when some DC mags were at least making an attempt to get away from cartoon portrayals of minorities, Teen Titans was wallowing in them. It makes for a truly disconcerting read in 2008.

But it still has a great cover.

BONUS SEXUAL INNUENDO:

This got by the Comic Code??

"Wax my slats?" Oh, Donna, you and your Amazonian lustiness...

Friady Night Fights--E. Honda Style!!

Earlier this week, I was rhapsodizing on how wonderfully cool Master of Kung Fu was. So it's only natural I turn there for this week's KNOCKOUT!!

The scene: It's the very first appearance of Shang-Chi, who has just figured out that his papa, the insidious Fu Manchu, is really a very very very very evil dude. In classic Bruce Lee fashion, he has worked his way past various guards, and now he must confront Tak, the evil sumo!! Tak is also the cat who crippled Shang's new father figure, Sir Denis Nayland Smith, making this battle a little more personal.

Got that? OK, Jim Starlin, take it away!! First strike to Tak:

But Shang-Chi ain't gonna be shut out:

Tak may be strong, but he can't match Shang-Chi in speed and technique:

Oh, no, Shang, don't go for the pony-tail!!!

Oh, you did! The inevitable result:

KNOCK-OUT!!!!!!!!!

You know, if anybody out there reads Chinese, I've always been curious what it is saying in the borders around the fights...drop me a comment.

You know who can ALWAYS snatch the pebble out your hand? Bahlactus, that's who!!

Engelhart and Starlin bring us The Rising and Advancing of a Spirit fighting Fat Bastard in Special Marvel Edition #15, 1973. The comics world would never be the same again...

It's a Random Note Kinda Day

No theme today, just a lazy bullet point kinda thing.

*Now that we're well past it, and get some sense of what the aftermath might be, I've a couple of Deep Thoughts on World War Hulk.

First, it was really kind of mis-named, wasn't it? It wasn't actually a World war at all, as essentially just New York was involved. No other countries, even! The most blatant case of false advertising since The Neverending Story!!

Secondly, it's nice to see that the complete devastation of the nation's largest city has had ZERO impact on the rest of the Marvel Universe, including the mags set in NYC. Spider-Man, FF, Daredevil, Red and Blue Avengers...nary a damaged building, not even a stray mention of evacuation or devastation or rebuilding. Nada. For all the impact this "must-read" event had on the rest of the Marvel Universe, it might as well have taken place in Exiles or What If?? Maybe that was part of Mephisto's continuity revamp, too...

Finally, don't you think that maybe we'd see Stark, Richards, et al hauled in front of Congress for hearings into how they caused this mess? I mean, if one mildly damaged city block was enough to make the public turn on Captain America in Civil War, you'd think the destruction of the entire city would have some repercussions, too, like Stark being removed from S.H.I.E.L.D. command or something...

Secondly finally, Red Hulk #1 was a massive waste of time. Oh, and Amadeus Cho is still a colossal tool.

*OK, how do I say this? There aren't enough drugs in the world to cause my head to trip out like the "Lost" Teen Titans Annual did. And do you know why there aren't enough drugs for that? Because Bob Haney must have consumed them ALL when writing this...ahhhhhhhh!!!!!

*"Brand New Day?" Let's see...Peter's broke, can't get a decent job, Aunt May is sweet but clueless, J. Jonah Jameson is an asshole. Yup, this was a brand new day, alright--in 1974, maybe...

*Hey, look, now Mighty Avengers is only 17 issues behind New Avenger's continuity! Pro-tip for colorist Justin Ponsor and letterer Dave Lanphear: dudes, Stark's "armor captions" are impossible to read when you make them light green lettering on a bright yellow background. Seriously. Fix this.

And I used to like Mark Bagley's art. Wha happened? Maybe it's the 14 different inkers they used this issue...but that doesn't explain why you can't understand what the frak is going on in that page set in space...

Oh, and by the way: is there ANY reason for this book to exist? Just askin'.

*I've been a good boy, not complaining about Countdown, and about how the explanations for the Monitors' behaviors not only make no sense but also directly contradict everything shown so far; about how the characterizations on Monarch (Captain Atom!!) or Ray Palmer seem like the writers have never even heard of these characters before before; or about how the series is still just treading water, but disguising it better by not even mentioning certain plot lines for issues at a time so we don't realize how slooooooowly everything is moving as we kill time for 16 more weeks. And how am I rewarded?

The Batman from Earth-51 cares more about the resurrection of Jason Todd than our Batman does. Kudos, DC, kudos.

*My co-worker Robert didn't think I would post his picture in my blog.

I like to tease him because he waits for the trades on the Walking Dead. So I taunt with with my knowledge gleaned from the floppies. That's what kind of guy I am.

Fu Manchu 1, Dr. Doom 0

Given that my blog's title is taken from an issue of Master of Kung Fu (or to be complete: The Hands of Shang-Chi, Master of Kung Fu...phew, and I thought Countdown tie-in titles were long...), I've spent precious little time actually blogging about MOKF.

And since, due to rights issues, we're never going to see Essential MOKF or MOKF omnibi, then I guess I'd damn well better pick up the torch and start proselytizing for this series (while coincidentally driving up demand, and hence the value, of my recently completed run...hee hee).

I'll get more in depth later, but right now I want to focus on the very real irony that the reason we'll never see MOKF collections is one of the same reasons that the series was so friggin' cool--Fu Manchu.

You see, Fu Manchu and Sir Denis Nayland Smith (the original Fu Fighter, as it were) were characters from the works of Sax Rohmer, and Marvel no longer has the rights to his material (PRO-TIP: Open the wallet and buy those damn rights, Marvel!). And since those characters were in about 96.2% of the issues, well, there's obviously not much to reprint.

But Fu Manchu, as presented in MOKF, was one of the best villains EVER. Doctor Doom wishes he were as evil as Fu. The Mandarin? Sad, pathetic imitator. Pick your evil overlord, and Fu will trump him.

For evidence, allow me to present a panel from Special Marvel Edition #15 (or, technically, Special Marvel Edition Featuring The Hands of Shang-Chi Master of Kung Fu #15...phew), Shang-Chi's debut, as presented by Steve Englehart and Jim Starlin(!!). This panel says it all:

Oh, the fight scene is insanely cool enough...I mean, Shang-Chi is fighting a gorilla, for god's sake. If your mind hasn't exploded yet, well, why are you hanging around here?

But for the true villainy, let's blow up this caption:

Think about it. Fu Manchu experimented on a gorilla to make it more intelligent. Why? Just so he could drive it insane. Why? Just because he thought an insane gorilla would make a great guard. Now stop and re-read this paragraph. Ladies and gentleman, that is pure EVIL.

In your face, Doom.

More MOKF posts to follow irregularly...

Beam Us Up, Martiany UPDATED

Here's a dumb question: what's the deal with the Justice League teleporter?

I grew up a Marvel rat, and freely admit that I'm not 100% up to snuff on 70's DC minutiae, including the "Satellite Era" of the JLA. But I'm sure that someone out there can enlighten me:

*Obviously, it's not based on Earth tech...I'm assuming it's derived from Martian or Rannian or Thanagarian technology, or some combination.

*I dimly recall from the 70's that you couldn't just beam up/down from anywhere...there were specific transport points hidden in the home cities of Leaguers.

Yet that doesn't seem to be the case nowadays. During the "Resurrection of Ra's Al Ghul" arc, for example, Nightwing uses Batman's "emergency override" code to teleport from a random New York City alley to the grounds of Wayne Manor.

*So what are the limitations on its use? Is there some restriction on the number of people, or the number of times it can be used? In that same arc Dick flies a jet to Tibet, and at the end he and Tim and Bruce fly back, despite being wounded--so why didn't they teleport? So can it be used only for JLA business, and the emergency override was a one-time card used up? (That would make no sense, of course)

*And really, why don't the Leaguers use their teleporter more often? Aside from Flash and Superman, it's got to be much faster for, say, Wonder Woman to teleport to Rio than fly her magic plane. So why don't we see them use it more often?

*And what about letting others use it? I understand such technology could be very dangerous in the wrong hands, but when you've got famines and floods and alien invasions and cities being wiped out, what rationale do the JLA give for not using their teleporter to immediately get relief supplies where needed, or evacuate New Orleans and Bludhaven, or whatever?

*And when bad guys break into JLA headquarters (The Least Secure Headquarters in Comics®), why don't they, you know, steal such an incredibly valuable piece of alien (?) technology and sell it on the black market to Luthor or the dictator of Evilastan, instead of raping the women and beat up the men??

Just askin'.

UPDATE:
In addition to a number of suggestions in the comments, we may have a new theory (although maybe not). This week's JLA Classified #50 by Stern and Byrne implies that the Watchtower transport tubes were based on the work of Dr. Erdel, whose experiments had accidently brought J'onn J'onzz to Earth in the first place.

Of course, if so, that means their teleporter is based on human technology, so there's no Prime Directive or such preventing them from sharing it with humanity in general. Which once again begs all of the questions I asked above, and would make us wonder why the JLA is the one who gets to decide what tech is safe for humans to have and what tech isn't...heading into Authority land here...

Captain Dunsel

Well, that's it. We comic bloggers are now obsolete. We're officially co-opted by The Man.

How can we ever compete with this?

Great. Now I have to keep my day job.

Some Answers (Maybe and Sort Of)

Perhaps realizing that no one knows WTF is going on with Spider-Man's continuity now, Marvel has released this double page spread from the first issue of Brand New Day (click for a jumbo readable version):

Hmmm. "Absolutely no one knows that Peter Parker is Spider-Man. Not Daredevil, not the Avengers, not anyone."

Hmmm...I wonder how that works with Venom. And Norman Osborn doesn't know? How many stories--even 40+ year old stories--were premised on the original Green Goblin knowing Spidey's identity? Did they not happen, or are everyone's memories just altered?

I wonder if the Watcher still knows--just how powerful is Mephisto?

I'll bet you a billion dollars that Bendis blows this in New Avengers...

You know, some DC characters could use this kind of knowledge-erasing bomb to go off (I'm lookin' at you, Bruce Wayne). I wonder if Mephisto can work in the DC Universe? Hey, maybe the mysterious Earth-52 is the Marvel Universe!

See? Was that negative? I can be positive about this Spider-Man mess...grrrrrrrr.

Anti-Climax

SPOILER ALERT: I know a lot of us got our comics late this week. So please don't read this post if you haven't yet read Detective Comics #840. C'mon back later...I'll still be here...

So, I've already made clear the fact that I wasn't a big fan of the Resurrection of Ra's Al Ghul storyline. Well, after a prologue and 7 parts, we get the epilogue this week (or last week, whatever....grrr, I hate holidays). Heck, that's even the title of the issue: "The Resurrection of Ra's Al Ghul Epilogue." Good imagination, there, guys.

The cover features the phrase, "After the Resurrection..." Convenient, those ellipses, as they cover a hideous truth. If DC had completed the phrase on the cover, it would read "After the Resurrection...Batman Defeats Ra's in One Page and Locks Him in a Basement in Arkham Forever."

Seriously.

Talk about your dramatic "THUD"s. After 8 issues of build-up, globe-trotting, body-switching and angst, that is really how they end it. Really.

Can I ask, why, exactly, DC went to all the sturm und drang to revive Ra's, give him a shiny new body, and re-establish him as a threat in Batman's world, if Dini is just going to have Batman whoop him faster than the average mugger and immediately remove him from the field only one issue later? Baffling, simply baffling.

Wouldn't it have been simpler to not revive him? Or have him actually hang around for a few issues, in the background at least, as a menace, so there was actually some point to the crossover? Seriously, Ra's return lasted less time than the New Guardians...and thus the arc actually had less impact on the DC Universe than Millennium. It's as if they revived him, and looked at each other, and said, "We have no idea what to do with him now." And Dini stepped up and said, "OK, I'll get rid of him..."

Here's what the complete cover blurb should have been: "After the Resurrection...You Realize We Suckered You Outta Your Money Again."

Some bullet points, because it's easier than actually writing:

• Remember two weeks ago, in Detective #839, when Ra's in his new body essentially fought Batman to a draw? This week, not so much...Ghul doesn't even land a single blow. HUH?


• Remember those 5,000 ninjas of Ra's', who broke into Wayne Manor a few weeks ago, and who chased Batman away this issue? Even if the Caped Crusader has successfully taken Ghul off the board, aren't they still out there? Don't they still know where Batman works and lives? Isn't that the first place they'll go if they're hunting for their missing master? 5,000 unemployed ninjas who know Batman's secret identity running loose around Gotham...odds that this will ever be followed up on? 10,000-1.


• In the final scene, the first time someone refers to Arkham, he says "Arkman." Nice editing, Mike Marts. Yeah, I know typos happen, but these was a fairly blatant one, and interfered with our understanding of the scene. What, no one at DC can proofread?


• Speaking of Arkman, that sounds like ALMOST as silly a Batman villain pastiche as the one Dini actually presents to lead off this issue: The Globe!! Prediction as to when we'll next see the Globe? Never. Then again, The Globe did put up more of a fight against Batman than Ra's did...
• "NEXT ISSUE: Zatanna guest-stars!" Probably a good idea, now that Bruce Wayne has entered Identity Crisis mode of dealing with inconvenient villains...maybe he can get a few pointers from her...

The MOST Disturbing Thing I've Seen This Week

Maybe Wertham was right...

Yeah, that's the Superman from the 853rd century having a...grand old time...riding a Rocket Red suit which contains an unconscious Arsenal.

And shouting "YEE-HAAAA!"

Ummm....OK.

I hope that Jerry Ordway and Karl Kesel were thinking of Slim Pickens when they put together Superman: Man of Steel #1,000,000 (1998 our time).

Friday Night Fights--Uru Style

I set the scene for this one yesterday. But a quick and dirty recap: Captain America has to prevent Thor from attacking the Slokovian army, lest WWIII result.

At first, Cap holds his own for a few, using speed and agility to his advantage:



But that can't work in the long term. Not against an enraged God of Thunder with an enchanted hammer:



Ouch.

Exactly how hard was that blow?

Hard enough to dent the shield. OUCH!!

You know the only thing tougher than Mjolnir? That's right, Bahlactus.

Shield-denting blow courtesy of Avengers #63, 2003

Stand. Your. Ground.

Since we're now less than three weeks away from the debut of the new Captain America, I figure that this a good opportunity to present my favorite Captain America moment EVER.

Setting the scene: 2003 (our time). In the Eastern European nation of Slokovia, a movement worshipping Thor and Asgard has taken hold among the populace. The ruling junta doesn't like this, and targets the Thor followers for genocide. They pray to Thor for help, and he brings down the host of Asgard.

To counter, the junta buys a lot of advanced weaponry from Dr. Doom (Protip: don't do this, small countries). All the surrounding countries are getting nervous, as are the US and Russia. Doom is using his ability to remotely control the weapons to ratchet up the situation. The Pentagon sends Iron Man in to intercede with Thor, but America has troops massed at the border in case that fails. Russia has bombers in the air, with orders to blow up everybody if the US gets involved. World War III is imminent, as Doom chuckles. And it's all up to Cap to prevent it:











Ladies and gentleman, that is Captain Freakin' America.

Geoff Johns and Alan Davis show us who wears the pants in the U.S. military in Avengers #63 (or 478, whatever floats your boat), 2003.

Not Very Brave, Not So Bold

There is one question that my millions of readers are constantly asking me: "Hey, snell, can you find us a comic book that featured a team-up between Superbaby and Kazaam, the Rapping Genie With an Attitude (Who's Ready For Slam-Dunk Fun)??"

'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished, but sadly, no such comic book exists. But never let it be said that I won't go to the ends of the Earth to helps you guys out, because here's the next best thing:

Yes, lads and lasses, we may not have Superbaby teaming up with Kazaam, but we do have Wonder Tot teaming up with a genie named Genro!!

A couple of notes/questions before we dig in:

• This is Wonder Tot, not Wonder Baby...please note that she is older than Superbaby, as demonstrated by her slightly less Bizarro-like speech patterns



• Even though the lying cover says "Introducing the Amazon Babe" (snicker), this ain't Wonder Tot's first appearance, which was back in issue #105.



• If the Silver Age could give us Superbaby and Wonder Tot, where the hell is Bat-Toddler?

Anyhoo, I want to point out one completely irrelevant panel earlier in the story, positing an ability Wonder Women..ahem, Tot...never displayed before or since. But of course, that wouldn't be in any way foreshadowing for this story, would it?

So, while being an naughty little tot and gliding around, Wonder Tot stumbles upon a treasure chest on an island, opens it, and--Kazaam!!

Sigh, OK, it's not Kazaam...but Genro!! Unfortunately, he turns out to be not a happy, grateful genie, but a pissed-off, vengeful genie:

Does that count as a bondage scene? Sorry.

Gee, I hope Wonder Tot has some ability, discussed previously in the issue, that would enable her to escape her captivity...

Wow, Genro is not too smart, eh? After Lil' Diana re-imprisons him, they reach a bargain, she lets him out, and he promises to fulfill her wish to make a star into a pony-tail clip (Protip: don't give wishes to tots, because they wish for stupid stuff), he prepares to take her into outer space with a frightening drug reference:

While flying out there, they encounter an eerie space phenomenon:

Yup...time bands. Uh huh.

Well, what follows is a series of misadventures the merely prove Genro to be, a crappy genie. He can't find the star, and adult Wonder Woman has to explain to him the concept of the speed of light and stellar mechanics and why the star isn't there any more. On the trip back, they're attacked by a random spaceship, and the de-aging Wonder Girl has to save them with her lasso. And later, fully de-aged, Wonder Tot has to save Genro from a meteor shower:

"Black shiny rocks?" Fortunately, busting up those meteors reveals a diamond, so Lil' Diana has her pony tail clip! And despite the fact that Genro was generally incompetent, they part with the promise of future team-ups:

And they kept that promise, as Genro returned for about 5 more appearances with Wonder Tot over the next year or so. Even though he was a crappy genie.

So there you go. I'm still hoping for Superbaby/Kazaam, though...

BONUS PANEL: Oh, yeah, there was a fire-breathing dragon in this story, too:

The Wonder Tot/Mister Genie team first appeared in Wonder Woman #126. But no Kazaam. Dammit.

Things That Make me Smile--Lucky Cow

Why You Should Have Studied Harder In Math Class

OK, let's see if I get this:

Dkrtzy RRR? A "bio-sentient mathematical equation?"

OK, Geoff Johns...I dare you to make a good Green Lantern story starring Dkrtzy RRR.

I double dog dare you.

Other interesting tidbits/questions:

• No mention is made in John Stewart's bio of Mosaic. Is that still canon, or was that wiped out by One More Day (oops, I mean Infinite Crisis)?



• So G'Nort is only "presumed dead"? Oh, c'mon, don't be coy, Johns and DC. Because if he is dead, and he gets resurrected in "Blackest Night," than we'll have a zombie dog wearing a Green Lantern Ring. And what could be cooler than that? Except, of course, a bio-sentient mathematical equation...



• This encyclopedia wouldn't be possible without variations of the phrases "left for dead fighting Hal Jordan" and "found in stasis on the Manhunter homeworld." C'mon, now, guys--what's the point of inventing this whole Parallax nonsense to prove it wasn't really Hal Jordan who killed people...if you're then going to say nobody was really killed?

Profile of Dkrtzy RRR found in the surprisingly enjoyable and informative Green Lantern Sinestro Corps Secret Files and Origins #1. 200 Lantern profiles, so, what, only 7000 left to go? Let's get writing, guys...

Quote of the Week

Well, folks, there's a two way tie for Quote of the Week. Fortunately, both come from the same character in the same comic book. Let's chat with Tovar, the Lava King!

Sounds like a Miller Lite commercial, eh? And Tovar further dazzles us with:

Rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? "Tovar's incredulity is surpassed only by Tovar's rage!" I promise you, I WILL use that phrase at work tomorrow.

By the way, I hope Tovar survived, because I would totally buy a series based on him. Seriously.

Tovar's dialogue gems come from Blue Beetle #22. Perhaps DC should make the book's motto "Blue Beetle--at least one good thing came outta Infinite Crisis, huh?"

One More Post

OK, so I know I've already made my position clear. And you are all probably tired of me ripping on One More Day.

But I've got a few more things I've got to rant about. No more about how idiotic and offensive the general idea was, though. This time I'll focus on how sloppy and abysmal the actual execution was.

A) Does anyone at Marvel have any sense of irony? The last page is a list of testimonials on how great JMS's run on Amazing Spider-Man was...in a story that effectively wiped out what, 85% of the stories he wrote? 90%? 95%?

B) Speaking of which, this is stunning--this is a Crisis on Infinite Earths level of continuity reboot, which Marvel generally hasn't done. Yet it affects only one character. It's as if DC had re-done only Superman's continuity after Crisis, while everybody else stayed the same.

Aside from Harry Osborn remaining alive (which you think would impact all the Goblin stories post-Harry's death, not to mention Norman and Thunderbolts), what about all the myriad Marvel heroes and villains who knew Peter's identity? Did Mephisto wipe out only the grand Super Hero Registration Act revelation of Spidey's secret ID? What about Daredevil, or Venom? Does Norman Osborn still know?

Speaking of which, what about the Civil War? Spider-Man revealed his ID to Tony Stark BEFORE the Civil War...did that still happen? Do the rest of the "New" Avengers still know his secret? Did Spider-man still play such a pivotal part in the Civil War? If he's unregistered and still super-heroing, well, the head of the Thunderbolts and maybe Tony Stark know his civilian identity...so much for keeping Aunt May safe, eh? Or has EVERYTHING been wiped out?

I'm not sure why such an extensive revision of history was needed (and geez, if Mephisto has that much power over time and space, wouldn't he own everybody's soul by now?). Hopefully Quesada will give us a flow chart or something. But just you wait--with our luck it will turn out that all of Spider-man's recent history EXCEPT for "Sins Past" will have been wiped out...

Of course, none of this ridiculously confusing reboot would have necessary had Quesada merely had the courage of his convictions and actually ended the Peter/Mary Jane marriage rather than pretending it had never happened.

C) Just so no one thinks that I'm letting JMS off the hook here, let's note the sheer hypocrisy of his infamous blog post: He was going to take his name off the last two issues of OMD, but he didn't because he "didn't want to sabotage Joe or Marvel..." Fine, except rather than going through with the "silent" protest of removing his name, he publicly calls out Quesada and Marvel on his blog. So that's less sabotaging, JMS?

Also, why is it that whenever JMS writes an arc that proves intensely unpopular with the fans, it always turns out to be the fault of the editors? Just askin'...

D) Hey, Joe Quesada: just how slow do you draw, man? Given the number of panels that were photocopies in this issue, I shudder to think when this storyline would have finished had you actually pencilled EVERY page...

E) Remember the marketing tagline, "What would you do...with one more day?" Apparently, the answer is "Sit around a dark motel room for 24 hours." And judging by the lighting effects on page 10, spend most of that time frozen in one position.

F) Well, at least this means Mary Jane won't turn out to be a Skrull. Doesn't it? Then again, I must admit it would be a very Mephisto-y turn if he saved "Aunt May" only to have Peter shattered when she turns out to be a Skrull. OK, now I'm kind of rooting for that...

G) Remember how a large chunk of Part 3 consisted of Mephisto taking Peter around and showing him alternate versions of Peter? What exactly was the point of that? By showing Peter how unhappy his life could have turned out without Mary Jane, isn't he actually making it less likely that Peter would accept his deal?

And really, was there any reason, besides sucking still more money out of us, to have this be a 4-parter? They could have dumped the reprints (of only half of stories!!) and Handbook pages, condensed down the events of 1 & 2 into one issue, cut out the "Possible Peter tour" and done a little less Xeroxing, and we've got a 2 issue story here. Yeah, it would still suck, but I'd be $8 less broke.

All right, that's enough. I've got to sleep now.

UPDATE: After posting I saw that Caleb had previously posted similar thoughts on OMD, especially my points A & B. Sorry, bro. I promise I didn't steal...just warped minds thinking alike.

An Open Letter To Marvel

Thank you, Marvel.

Thank you for showing us that "heroes" should have the courage to make deals with the devil.

Thank you for giving your readers role models who would rather rather give into temptations offered by the embodiment of evil than deal with a traumatic death, as adults must do every day.

Thanks for teaching us that a whole new, happy life (with only "some small part of your soul" unhappy) is available, if you just make a deal with a powerful evil entity. I truly hope that the next time Dr. Doom or Thanos offer up a Faustian bargain to one of your heroes, they emulate Peter Parker's example and accept it. Because you've taught us that heroes should do the thing that makes them feel better, no matter who offers the deal.

Thank you for showing us that heroes shouldn't resist evil. That when something goes bad in your life, the only alternative is to further empower the most evil being in your universe. That evil is more powerful than a love "that comes along but once in a millennia," and therefore what's the point of us non-heroes trying to resist temptation.

And finally, thank you, Marvel, for taking a hero I had grown up with; a hero who I admired for always persevering, no matter the hardship or tragedy that came his way; a hero dedicated to doing the right thing no matter the temptation thrown his way...thank you for taking that hero and turning him into a whining, selfish, solipsistic, emotionally stunted coward who makes bargains with Mephisto.

Fuck you, Marvel. Fuck you very much.