Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Dial E For Eternity--Les Miserables Meets The Maltese Falcon?!?

This is a crazy, insane Kid Eternity story. It reaches Bob Haney levels of wackiness, that's how crazy it is. We literally combine Les Miserables with The Maltese Falcon, and spice it with ancient Egyptian action. This is NUTS!!

Kid and Keeper stumble upon a burglary in progress...




OK, a little on the nose, but a good instinct.

Jean Valjean!!


D'oh!!


Javert!! This is the second time you've been summoned!!

However, it probably wasn't a good idea to call the obsessive Javert when Jean Valjean is still on the scene...


HINT: Stop calling bad guys, Kid.

So our ghostly duo tracks the bread thief...

...but someone else is waiting for him!


HOLY CRAP!!!

Stealing a loaf of bread is one thing...but murdering for it?

You have no idea how queer, Kid!

They track the car...

A house designed to look like an ancient Egyptian temple?!? This story gets crazier by the minute!!

Inside is our bread murderer...along with...

OK, this is getting more complicated than The Big Sleep.


HOLY CRAP AGAIN!!!! This story is in-freakin'-sane!!

What is up with this damned loaf of bread that's worth two murders?!?!


Well, that's that. right?

But what was the deal with the bread?

"Food doesn't really interest me"?? Umm...have you seen yourself, Keeper? At some point it seems like it must have interested you...

Anyway...



A jewel-encrusted statue of an animal?!? That's what everyone is chasing?!?! Where the hell is Bogart when you need him?

Time for another story twist!!


Exposition time!


$100,000!!! Holy smokes!!


Chief Justice John Marshall!!

Really? That's all the advice you have?


Nefertiti!!

Oh, great, now we're in the midst of an ancient Egyptian domestic squabble!!

Ikhanton (usually known as Akhenaten)!!

A fake?!?!?!

The revelations keep coming...


Well, that about wraps it up!

I'm not sure what Doan is guilty of...? If it's not based on a actual sculpture, it's not forgery. Attempted fraud? I mean, everyone else in the story is guilty of larceny and murder--Doan is the least criminal guy of the whole lot!!

Good job, Kid. And the moral?

Man, if only the Kid had been around for The Maltese Falcon, he could have wrapped up that case without all the mystery and moral ambiguity...

This was the 67th Kid Eternity story, and our standings are:

Abu 1
Achilles 4
Adam 1
Antony, Marc 2
Apollo 1
Aramis 2
Arnold, Benedict 1
Arthur, King 2
Astor, John Jacob 1
Athos 2
Atlas 3
Attila The Hun 1
Attucks, Crispin 1
Baker, Lafayette 1
Barry's father 1
Barton, Clara 1
Bernhardt, Sarah 1
Bertillon, Alphonse 2
Blackhawk 1
Bloodhounds (Legree's) 1
Bluebeard 1
Bolivar, Simon 1
Boone, Daniel 1
Bowie, Jim 1
Boyd, Belle 1
Brady, Diamond Jim 1
Breitbart, Zishe 1
British Tank crew 1
Bucephalus 2
Bunyan, Paul 3
Byron, George Gordon 2
Caesar, Octavian 1
Cagliostro, Alessandro 1
Calhoun, John C. 1
Canary, Martha “Calamity” 1
Cannon, John W. 1
Capulet, Juliet 1
Carden, Foster 1
Carpenter, Daniel 1
Cave Man 1
Cherry Sisters 1
Christian, Fletcher 1
Clancy, Patrick 1
Cleopatra 1
Cody, “Buffalo” Bill 2
Colt, Samuel 1
Columbus, Christopher 2
Corbett, Jim 3
Corcoran, Peter 1
Crockett, Davy 1
Cronson, Gerald 1
Crusoe, Robinson 1
Custer, George Armstrong 1
D'artagnan 2
d'Aubigny. Julie 1
Daedalus 1
Davis, Richard Harding 1
de Bergerac, Cyrano 2
de Leon, Ponce 1
de Rais, Gilles 1
Decatur, Stephen 1
Discus Thrower 1
Dockstader, Lew 1
Dracula 1
Drake, Sir Francis 1
Dupin, C. Auguste 1
Edison, Thomas 1
Emery 1
Ericson, Leif 2
Fagin 1
Fairbanks, Douglas Sr. 1
Faraday, Michael 1
Fink, Mike 1
Frankenstein's Monster 1
Franklin, Ben 1
Galahad 1
Geronimo 2
Goliath 1
Gotch, Frank 1
Gothicus, Claudius 1
Grant, Ulysses S. 1
Graymalkin 1
Greb, Harry 1
Griffiths, Albert 1
Gulliver, Lemuel 1
Hamilton, Alexander 1
Hatfield, John 1
Hathorne, John 1
Hauser, Kaspar 1
Henry, Patrick 1
Hercules 2
Hermann, Alexander 1
Hickathrift, Tom 1
Hickok, Wild Bill 1
Hippocrates 1
Hodges, Joe 1
Holmes, Sherlock 4
Hopkins, Matthew 1
Horatius Cocles 1
Houdini, Harry 3
Houston, Sam 1
Hyde, Edward 1
Hyer, Tom 1
Ikhnaton 1
Ismail, Yusuf 1
Jackson, Andrew 1
James, Jesse 1
Javert 2
Jeffries, Jim 1
Johnson, Martin 1
Jones, John Paul 1
Jove 2
Kamehameha 1
Khan, Genghis 2
Kidd, William 1
Lafayette, General 1
Lancelot 1
Laughing Cavalier 1
Laveran, Charles 1
Leander 3
Lee, Robert E. 1
Legree, Simon 1
Leonidas 2
Light Brigade 1
Lincoln, Abraham 1
Lister, Joseph 2
Marable, Fate 1
Marshall, John 1
Masterson, Bat 1
Mercury 5
Merlin 1
Mesmer, Franz 1
Milo Of Croton 2
Minutemen 1
Mix, Tom 1
Montague, Romeo 1
Montezuma 1
Morgan, Henry 1
Mounties 1
Mulgrew, Jason 1
Murphy, Charles 1
Napoleon 1
Nation, Carrie 1
Neanderthal 2
Nefertiti 1
Neptune 1
Nightingale, Florence 1
Noah 1
Nobel, Alfred 1
Nobody 1
North Wind 1
Nostradamus 2
O'Brien, David 1
Oakley, Annie 1
Og 1
Orpheus 1
Osceola 1
Paddock, Charley 1
Pasteur, Louis 1
Penelope 1
Perseus 1
Pheidippides 2
Pied Piper 1
Pinkerton, Allan 1
Plastic Man 1
Pocahontas 1
Porthos 3
Post, Wiley 1
Prometheus 1
Quixote, Don 1
Revere, Paul 1
Richard the LionHeart 1
Rin-Tin-Tin 2
Robespierre, Maximilien 1
Robin Hood 3
Roc 1
Rogers' Rangers 2
Röntgen, Wilhelm 1
Russell, Lillian 1
Rustum 1
Ryan, Paddy 1
Samson 3
Sandow, Eugen 1
Sayers, Tom 1
Schleyer, Johann 1
Serra, Junipero 1
Siegfried 1
Silver, Long John 2
Skunk, Jimmy 1
Socrates 1
Solomon 1
Stanley, Henry 1
Steinmetz, Charles 2
Stogie 1
Sullivan, John L. 2
Tecumseh 1
Tell, William 1
Thalfi 1
Thor 3
Thumb, Tom 1
Thurston, Howard 1
Tiglath IV 1
Tuck, Friar 1
Tut-ankh-amen 1
Twain, Mark 1
Ulysses 1
Uncas 1
Valjean, Jean 1
Vercingetorix 1
Villa, Pancho 1
Villon, Francois 1
von Helmholtz, Hermann 1
Vulcan 1
Washington, George 3
Watson, John H 1
Webster, Daniel 2
Whittington, Richard 1
Xanthippe 1
Zbyzko, Stanislaus 1

NEXT--Again with the cavemen?

From Kid Eternity #11 (1948)

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