Monday, February 15, 2010

Presidents Day Special--The Day Luthor Killed Lincoln

One of the absolute physical laws of the pre-Crisis DC Universe was: you can't change history. It's all written, and unalterable. If you try, "fate" will step in, and prevent you--or make you part of what was supposed to happen. And the story that was the archetypal proof of this was Superboy #85 (1960):

OK, OK, this ain't philosophy class, it's a Superboy story.

While attending events at "Abraham Lincoln Day" in Smallville, young Clark Kent is inspired:


Uh-oh.

Arriving in the past, Superboy searches for Lincoln on that fateful day. Honest Abe is not at the White House, because...

Sure, whatever you say, Mrs. Lincoln..."certain pressing matters"=assignation with an intern, methinks...

So Superboy searches the hotel, and sees one room registered to a "Mr. L." Why, that must be President Lincoln, right??


D'oh!!!!!!!!


Double d'oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So what is adult Lex Luthor doing across the street from the Ford Theater on that fateful day??

Yup, it's just a redonkulous coincidence. He doesn't even seem to realize this is the day of the assassination...he just assumes Superboy was hunting for him. Ego much, Lex? Or pay attention to your history classes?

Luthor proceeds to prove that he's evil by being the biggest dickweed possible to Superboy:




So Superboy is frozen stiff when the inevitable happens:

And when Luthor hears the commotion, and sees Lincoln being carried over to the hotel, he realizes:

And Lex proceeds to cry like a little baby about how one of the biggest tragedies in human history is really all about him:


The moral: even evil people love Lincoln. And Luthor's not alone in that...

So the Silver Age ironclad law that you can't change history is re-affirmed. But Pa Kent still decides to rub Clark's nose in his failure:

Geez, Pa, you're kind of a jerk...


2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Snell,

It's awesome to find someone who knows their comic $#*& the way you do. Between this and the last post, that's awesome stuff. Question: Did JFK ever show up in any stories like these (or any others, I suppose)?

Best,
Lawrence
aka Mr. Digressius

snell said...

Me? I just read waay too many comics.

JFK quite famously met Superman, when he asked Superman to push his physical fitness programs. Sadly, JFK was killed before the story was published, and DC pulled it for a few months, until the Johnson administration urged them to run it. Full story here, including several pages of the story.