Sunday, January 18, 2009

Monsters For A Modern Age

My pal Mark has an ongoing series at his blog looking at some of the vast, lumbering alien monsters who were always invading Earth back in the Atlas/Timely days.

I, however, like to look at when those classic creatures intrude into the Marvel Universe proper. Today, we're going to look at a titanic monster mash-up of epic proportions.

You see, back in 1976, the Hulk had just eluded the latest attempt by the military to kill him...but a nefarious unseen foe is plotting against him:

Oh, so this is an X-Files story?!?
If you're a Hulk villain, you must throw the weord 'Gamma' into every bit of technology
A villain who not only talks to himself, but waxes lyricalAh, all the government's fault, you see.

Anyhoo, Hulk encounters the first of the duplicated extraterrestrials:

You don't realize the effort it took not to do a Surgeon General joke hereHow does Hulk beat him? With his most potent weapon, the slow sarcastic clap:

The best part of any movieNext up?

Lesson--don't talk slow to HulkAnd Jade Jaws beats him by drowning him...

Terminator 2 totally ripped off this sceneWhat else you got, mysterious mastermind?!?

How many alien cultures would name their planet 'X'? Seriously?Hey!! We know Groot!! Hulk fight him with a bestial version of Rock Paper Scissors:

Rock smashes paper?!?If a Groot is killed in the woods, is there any sound? Nope.

StumpedWell, there can't be any monsters left, can there?

A mutated Rocky the Flying SquirrelAh, yes, Goom. Can't forget good old Goom. Fortunately, he's not as all-powerful as he claims, or Hulk wouldn't be able to take him out with a simple rock slide:

And speaking of Rocky...Finally, it's ZZZAX!! Oops, I mean Blip.

Oh, man, you've confused poor Hulk...Blip?? Really? That name is supposed to strike fear into we mere humans? Fortunately, Blip follows the iron clad Marvel Law: All electricity based villains are freaking stupid. So Hulk beats him by tossing into a power line. Yup, that's all:

Shocking. Positively shockingBut, you see, the whole point of this was that our mysterious Big Bad was siphoning power from Hulk this whole time, and it's time for the big reveal:

Oh, come on...the guy's just a big Muppet!!Yes, it's Xemnu the Living Titan, the clown who started out as "The Living Hulk" back in Journey Into Mystery in 1960, but survived Marvel's transition to super-heroes and kept returning to plague Hulk, the Defenders, She-Hulk, etc...

And, in a somewhat rushed and anti-climactic final battle, Hulks gets mad and breaks free, he and Xemnu fight, the military "accidentally" blows up the dam they're fighting upon, Xemnu's body isn't found, and Hulk is the strongest one there is. The end.

So what's my point? Now that we know these goobers can appear in mainstream Marvel continuity, isn't about time someone brought them back? Maybe in Nova or Guardians of the Galaxy, where the heroes can visit the aliens' home planets, chock full of Gooms and Diablos?!? That's an easy set-up, since Groot is a member of the Guardians right now...Or maybe Hercules can fight them...

Monster mash brought you by Claremont and S. Buscema in Incredible Hulk Annual #5 (1976).


Siskoid said...

Maybe there's room in the Fing Fang Four, or whatever that was.

clarkins said...

That was really close to the origins of the JLA. Or is it just me?

Anonymous said...

The Fin Fang Four already has Goo-Gam, son of Goom, so I figure his pop would be redundant.

Of course, some of these guys have appeared in Marvel Adventures. Goom and Orgo at bare minimum.

VariousVarieties said...

These were some of the first Marvel comics I ever read - they were in a British hardback Hulk annual, which I've still got.

Bizarrely, the book also had features on how to exercise, featuring the Hulk demonstrating push-ups, sit-ups and weightlifting. :-?

I think there was a prose story in there as well.