Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Re-Asking The Answer Man--1/9/1978

Back in the funky Seventies, DC had a promo page called The Daily Planet Extra which appeared each week in their titles, promoting the books that were out that week without being as relentlessly self-congratulatory as Dan DiDio's DC Nation columns.

A regular feature on these pages was Ask The Answer Man, in which DC editor and writer Bob Rozakis answered fans questions about DC. In an amazingly tiny amount of space, Rozakis banged off 3 or 4 answers per week, about who was from which Earth, what's up with this character, where's X going to appear next. It may not seem like much, but back in the pre-internet days, and with no authoritative reference books available, for a lot of people this was the only source for such official pronouncements.

(I'm obliged to note that, as memory serves me, in the latter days the questions became dominated by kids who were too lazy to go find a Comic Book Price Guide and wrote into the Answer Man such stunning questions as "How much is Flash #172 worth?" Man, I always found that annoying...it's like going to the Oracle at Delphi and asking a question like "How much should I spend on a muffler?" Drove me crazy, I tell you...)

Anyway, I thought it would be interesting to occasionally look back at one of the Answer Man columns, to see how well the answers hold up 30 odd years later. This is not to pick on Rozakis, let me assure you; as far as I know, he was always accurate at the time. But I think "re-asking" the questions can shed a little light about the state of the DC Universe three decades later.

So, presenting, the column from Daily Planet Extra for the week of January 9, 1978:

First up, we have this:

Oy. Could we have started with one more complex, more convoluted, more frakked up than this one? Let's just say that Donna's history has undergone more revisions and patches than Microsoft Vista. First they made her one of the Titans of Myth, than they made her a magical clone of Diana who actually created from a portion of Wonder Woman's soul. Then they decided that it was all true, and Donna was "the real sum of every Donna Troy that existed on every Earth, a living key to the lost Multiverse." I think that's where it stands now.

Remember how the first Crisis was supposed to clean up continuity? In Donna's case, not so much--it just opened the floodgates so every writer decided he could inflict his own clever origin on her. Wikinuity...

Next:

Hmmm...Isis is clearly on New Earth, or Earth-1, these days. But in the new multiverse, Earth-5 is essentially Earth-S, so maybe she's there, too.

Next:

Well, the Titans have reformed, and broken up and reformed and broken up ad infinitum since then. Hell, now we even have 3 Titans teams running around, so there's room for more members.

Power Girl is still a member of the Justice Society, but the Star Spangled Kid is dead. There's been a couple more since then, of course.

If Jimmy isn't a teen anymore, does that mean Elastic Lad was kicked out of the Legion of Super-Heroes?!?

NEXT:

Oooh, not quite, Bob. It was another full decade before we got to see the Secret Six again, as a regular feature in Action Comics Weekly in 1988!! (Sadly, this was after Bridwell had passed away...) Marty Pasko and Dan Spiegle revealed that Mockingbird was indeed one of the Six, Durant. But all of the original Six, including Durant, were killed in the second issue!! Don't fret...they were replaced by another Secret Six, and a new Mockingbird...who died...

It only took 17 more years for the new Secret Six, a ragtag bunch of villains, to be formed during Infinite Crisis. And Luthor was the new Mockingbird...oh, my head...

So what's our lesson? Bob Rozakis, be glad you gave up the Answer man gig, because despite the best intentions, everything became much, much, much more complicated after the various Crises.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Bold Fashion Choices--Supergirl Yet Again!!

Apparently, kids in the 1970s didn't have enough homework...because all they did was think up clothing designs for superheroes and mail them in. Which brings us to Superman Family #174 (Dec/Jan 75-76)...because as long as people would keep sending them in, DC would keep printing them:

Let's take a closer look. The first three sets are by the team of Jean Leiser (Age 19 3/4) and Elizabeth "Liz" Harllee (age 18 1/2). Ladies, a note: once you reach adulthood, you should probably stop listing fractional years in your ages, because, well, adults don't do that.

First up have...oh, dear, isn't a skirt supposed to go all the way around? Or is that just a red butt towel for her, like NFL centers have?

Next up, we have to note that Supergirl is either playing coy, or is just too embarrassed to face us in this outfit.

You know, if Supergirl ever showed up during the Mike Grell days in the Legion, I can see her in these:

Our final entry is by Scott Cassman, apparently envisioning Kara in the Mod Squad:

In case you can't read it, the "captions" behind her say, "This costume isn't actually practical, but it sure looks nice." You have to love a designer who critiques his own work...

Monday, December 15, 2008

Manic Monday--Creepy, Creepy Butler

Uhhhhh......

Alfred, you're not my type...Alfred's totally hitting on Dick here, isn't he?

While the Bat's away...

Frederic Wertham would have a field day with Detective Comics #851, by and Denny O'Neil and Guillem March.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

...To Write me Down An Ass

There's a pretty good scene for Black Canary as team chairperson in JLA #27 this week (or is it last week already? I was kinda lost in 1978...).

Stars and Garters shows you the page, and I won't reprint it here, so I don't crib his act. But I do want to show you the page before, which COMPLETELY undermines the scene:

The quote is Shakespeare, by the way...Much Ado About Nothing.Really.

Black Canary is about to have a big leadership moment, we're supposed to take her seriously as JLA chairperson, and Ed Benes introduces the scene with a page specifically designed to make you ignore everything else, designed to draw your eye right to her buttcheeks.

The JLA is essentially a broken book, a damaged concept right now, and I'm not sure what it would take to fix it. But of all the things wrong with it, nothing is more dire than having an artist who directly undermines the story points the writer is trying to establish, who undercuts Dwayne McDuffie's attempts to build up Black Canary with his immaturity and his fetish for close-ups of female body parts at inappropriate times.

So maybe instead of worrying about the Big Three undermining her, Dinah should worry more about the idiot they have drawing her, which does far more damage.

(Although I praised McDuffie's scene above, I have a couple of quibbles about his script.. One, Dinah never lays out any specific grievances about the Big Three, except that they're meeting in private. And since she establishes that no one else knows about the private meetings, it's not clear how they're actually "undermining her authority." No example of orders countermanded, or secret plots, or anything. A good manager always has specific examples when laying down the law. Given that just a meeting is ticking her off, I shudder how Dinah is going to respond to Trinity.

Secondly, they get a distress call from Dr. Light (the good one) on a JLI communicator...and they take a Quinjet (or whatever they call it) to Metropolis? They have a freakin' teleporter. Zatanna could just magic them there. Superman or Flash could certainly get there more quickly. It's a distress call, she might be dead or dying...and they don't take the fastest way there. Good show, League.

So it's not just the art of JLA that's broken.)

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Marvel 1978 Week--Captain America #228

Sometimes when you go back in time, you find a comics franchise that's just a little bit lost.

Case in point: Captain America.

After the end of the 1970's Kirby run, it quickly became evident that the Marvel Powers-That-Be had no real idea of what the hell to do with Cap. It was the late 70s, still post-Watergate and beginning to invest heavily in the "malaise" of the Carter years. What to do with a patriotic hero, the symbol of America?

The first couple of post-Kirby issues were fill-ins or reprints, re-capping Cap's origin and history. Then, under a seemingly endless rotation of writers and artists, we proceeded on "The Search For Steve Rogers." Cap, it seems, suddenly realized he had no memories of his life before he took the super-soldier serum. So he begins a long...and long...and long quest to find out the truth about his roots. 9 issues (plus another fill-in) were spent canoodling around doing nothing (except for a couple of truly bizarre issues by Steve Gerber, which still accomplished nothing but were so nutty you didn't notice).

At the same time, Falcon had left Cap to train the "S.H.I.E.L.D. Super-Agents," and then had gone missing. And a mysterious evil organization known only as "The Corporation" was trying to destroy Cap and S.H.I.E.L.D.

The Corporation?!? Really, that's the best you could come up with? I guess to some in those days, a faceless corporation was the epitome of evil. Whatever floats your boat. Me, I would have at least given it a flippin' name...

But the bottom line is that, by December of 1978, Captain America was essentially floating aimlessly, and had become a big whiny dope. Which brings us to:

I really have nothing to say about this cover...sorry...This issue has been brought to us by:

Damned crooked credits boxes...Roger McKenzie had just come on board--this was only his third issue--and he'd hang around for 8 more, leave for a while, then come back for about 4 more, establishing a pretty sad post-Kirby record. Sal Buscema we all know, and "Espo & Tartag" are Mike Esposito and John Tartag, the inker with a Klingon name.

And since this is 1978 Captain America, we start with him brooding like a teenager with his first Cure album:

Is that Morrissey in the background?It's pretty sad days when Tony Stark has to be the one to give Cap a pep talk about how to have a happy private life...

Well, you wouldn't want to go look for your missing partner or anything, would you??But Steve is so mopey, he even invents the first Geico commercial:

Private life--so simple even a synthezoid can have oneOh, Steve...Iron Man takes Cap outside in the rain, and basically kicks him in the seat of the pants, telling him to grow up. Does it take?

Captain America has become a chick flick...Heavens, no. Cap has gone from staring out the window brooding to standing out in rain brooding. Yup, this is why I read Captain America--for maximum emo!!

Jesus, Cap...you're making ME broody hereWell, perhaps because McKenzie realizes that this is a super-hero comic and absolutely nothing has happened yet, we then get a three page sequence--THREE PAGES!!--that consist entirely of Cap saving one child from being hit by a truck. Yes, 3 pages for the "save the kid from getting hit" shtick. Lord, talk about padded...

I won't reprint those panels here, because they bore even my computer to death. But at the end we get an interesting bit:

The biggest 'DUH' in superhero historyThat's right, Rogers--Falcon is missing!! And you're standing around feeling sorry for yourself!! Great Googly Moogly!! "Busy with your own problems?!?" You were standing around brooding in a storm like Slash in the November Rain music video!!

By the way, I can pretty much guarantee that' this is the only blog post you'll ever see comparing Captain America to Slash. You're welcome.

So Cap takes off for the secret entrance to S.H.I.E.L.D.'s NY HQ, which owes more than a little to Get Smart and The Man From U.N.C.L.E.:

You think that Cap would good with a fade?
No barber chair seems innocent, McKenzie...didn't you see Sweeney Todd?!?Surprisingly, the base is deserted--except for the obligatory robot guard...

...of Dracula??
Please, sir, I prefer Defense Robert, if you don't mind......whom Cap destroys with the wussiest sound effect in comics history:

The world's first mouse-powered defense robReally? He goes "Squee" when you destroy him???

So why is the HQ deserted??

Because massive underground explosions in Manhattan will NEVER be noticedApparently, unannounced, massive demolition activity in the middle of the night is OK in New York City? I guess if you're S.H.I.E.L.D. it is.

Because of this stupidity, Cap is trapped:

S.H.I.E.L.D. hasn't yet invented the Emergency Don't Blow-Up Yet buttonAnd he's not alone!!

Why hide him from us--he's on the cover, dammit!!Who could it be? Well, if you happened to miss looking at the cover:

That sound effect shouldn't be taken out of context
Man, this guy is *such* an Iron man villain...We get a couple of shots to establish how tough (chortle) the Constrictor is...

You know, heroes don't lie that often...you'd think that villains would learn to start believing them on this kind of thing...
Hint--this attempt to detroy Cap's shield fails...before Cap turns the tables on him with simple acrobatics:

I'm not going to say what that looks like
You'd think a whip based villain would have come up with some defense against his whips being tied together...But it was too late...

So S.H.I.E.L.D. really sucks hereSPOILER ALERT: They survive.

I shouldn't be too harsh on this issue...it's just the latest in what was over a year of time-killing and belly-scratching because nobody at Marvel seemed to know what to do with the Star Spangled Avenger. (Here's a hint of what you do with Cap...who says I never have anything nice to say about Geoff Johns?).

Everything was so meandering and navel-gazing and broody that even I wasn't buying Cap, and I was a Marvel Zombie by this point. Which is rather a shame, because Cap was actually getting better treatment in the pages of the Avengers, so we know it could be done. Happier days would come, but not for awhile.

It's too bad I didn't do Marvel 1978 week a few months earlier, or I could have done this issue:

Take that, Gerald Way!!Yes, that cover scene really happens, 30 years before Umbrella Academy. Also in that issue, Cap is chased through his apartment by a remote controlled Volkswagon Beetle. And no, his apartment wasn't on the ground floor. Oh, Steve Gerber, you mad genius, you.

ELSEWHERE IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE
:

Surprisingly, no scene even 1/1000th as cool as this EVER took place on the TV show they're pimpingPeter Parker, The Spectacular Spider-Man #25 was, well, nuts. There wasn't a terribly strong continuity between the 2 Spidey titles back then, and Bill Mantlo just ran wild, in a fun way. As you can see from the cover this issue featured the Masked Marauder and the Tri-Man (don't ask). Unseen on the cover are the fact that it guest stars the White Tiger, and more significantly, it was the debut appearance of Carrion.

Sure, Carrion was a decrepit clone of Professor Miles Warren, who had been the Jackyl and made clones of Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy, so Carrion is a step towards the madness of the Clone Saga. Forget about that. What's most significant is that Carrion got me a post card from Mantlo, which was a pretty big thrill. They had a letters page contest to guess Carrion's identity, and even though my guess was wrong, I got a postcard in the mail. All it said was "Nope," with Mantlo's signature...and for all I know he had some intern do them...but it was still a pretty exciting moment in my young life.

So that's Marvel 1978 week. Hope you had as much fun as I did...

Friday, December 12, 2008

Friday Night Fights--Spider-Man 1978 Style!!

As we here at Slay Monstrobot Central are spending the week wallowing in the decadence of Marvel 1978, we have to ask ourselves: when is a surprise villain not a surprise villain??

Seriously--did that caption 'Marvel's TV Sensation' make ANYONE more likely to buy the book?Given that pretty distinctive silhouette, and the fact that his name is on the cover in Electric font, you wouldn't think that Electro's presence in the story would be a big surprise...and look on the splash page:

Take that, Hal Jordan groupies...now there's an ass!His name is the freakin' title to the story, in HUGE letters. So there's no way they'd try to hide the villain's identity, right? We'll see.

30 years ago irony department:

Oh, how Peter will come to regret this line of thoughtThank "goodness," Webhead?? I think not-- bwa hahahahaha....oh, never mind.

Anyway, Spidey is investigating why S.H.I.E.L.D. has quarantined an entire small town in upstate New York. And who turns up to drive him away?

It's a 'How Low Can You Crouch' contest!!Spider-Man is a little ticked off at getting the runaround, so he unwisely lashes out at Cap:

Dream on, Spider-Man, dream onAnd you know how that's going to end, don't you?

If only Cap were this tough during Civil War...Ouch. Spidey pretends to learn his lesson and leave, while Cap storms the local power plant. It turns out a millionaire's sick child is being held for ransom there. By whom? Well, just pretend you didn't see the cover or the title page, because the creators are going to pretend it's a surprise:

Hmmm who could it be?? Sandman? Vulture? I feel like I should know this...Oh, come on, Marv--you already told us twice that it was--

And with one magic word, Billy Batson transforms himself...Shocking. Positively shocking.

But of course, Peter Parker didn't really leave, so...

Electro's red bolts equal rage
SPONG??!! Really??
KIRK!!
But that's not the end. Why all the urgency, why the quarantine?

Tonight's unlikely disease-of-the-week on House...You're not serious. Oh, you are? Oh dear...

Anyhoo, Electro freaks:

Kids--electricity cures sickness--plug in today!!...and you just know that's not gonna end well:

Blitz, blitz, BARROOOMM blitz!So remember, kids, when your town is threatened by the plague, just blow up the power station, and everything will be well.

One final question: How come we've never had a story featuring both Electro AND Elektra?!? Talk about a natural...perhaps Spacebooger knows the answer!!

The story that probably should have been in Marvel Team-Up comes to you from Amazing Spider-Man #187 (1978), courtesy of Marv Wolfman, Jim Starlin, and Bob McLeod.