Your Tax Dollars At Work---Military Courtesy!!

You know those episodes of Star Trek where alien cultures had customs and taboos that were so byzantine and difficult to understand that the captain had to spend weeks studying them, lest there be an interplanetary incident?

Those aliens have nothing on the U.S. military!!

This is a loooong comic, so we'll just focus on how and when to salute. That can't be too tough, can it?

See, that was easy!

Why salute?

Fair enough.

But when do I salute? (Pack your bags and bring along a snack--this is going to be a lengthy journey!)

Well, OK, that was easier than I thought!

Women, too? Gosh...

So, we've got everything covered, right?

Wait...no one told me there was calculus involved! If we are travel east at x mph and the officer is moving west at y mph, when do we salute...?

But what if...?

OK, that has to cover all of the possible situations, right?

Right...foreign officers, but only outdoors, unless it's raining or he's smoking, or...

...except when reporting, but never at dusk...

But if the engine is running, and it's a full moon, and...

Phew...that has to cover everything, right?

That was pretty complex...we better have lots of pillow talk to recap:

Well, that has to be all possible permutations, right?

Finally!! That must cover every possible situation, right?

OK, OK, I think I have this...salute every officer except a pay officer on a bus that has its engine running indoors...

Fact: ladies love being saluted!!

Fortunately, we've surely exhausted every possible saluting situation, right?

Let me guess...there are exceptions?

Tom is learning...and showing off to his gal!

All right, you are now fully trained in saluting courtesy, and--no, there are 154 more exceptions:

Man, this is so damned complicated...

Well, why the hell didn't you just say that in the first place?!?

And now...the quizzes:

Look, this is ridiculously complex...so we'd better recap!

This is why Star Fleet doesn't salute...

Military Courtesy was published in 1950. Just be glad I didn't cover the when to salute which flags and which songs sections...