Where The Hell Is Henry Pym When You Need Him?!?

Your parents and grandparents probably forgot to tell you this little bit of history:

Yeah, it was no big deal, really...

"It may be a comet! Run!" What the hell, buddy? Do you always run when you see a comet?

Fortunately, it was neither an H-Bomb nor an A-Bomb...

Perhaps you shouldn't have been so cocky, guy...because the scientist who dresses like Jimmy Olson has made a keen observation:

No, not puppies!!! :-(

Oh, but the worst is yet to come...

Look, rapidly-growing ants is sooo clearly a Hank Pym experiment gone wrong.

Fortunately, a select group of non-Pym scientists managed to find themselves a hidey-hole:

Lucky for me, I had "ants on my Fantasy What Species Will Rule The Earth league...

Fortunately, one of the surviving scientists invented a type of suspended animation!

"A line of living mummies waited in death-slumber for the life-touch of oxygen!" Admit it, that's a great line!

Well, years and years (and YEARS) go by...

Until the year 2052...

Oh, no, they had Deathmate in this universe, too? Nooooo...

But this time:

And the world was repopulated by insect-slaughtering nerds.

And I bet the history books barely even mention this...typical white-washing.

From Captain Science #6 (1951)

Cosmic Skyping!

You ever wonder how these cosmic entities meet and greet each other?

Galactus is just chillin', waiting on Eternity...

Click to embiggen that...Galactus says "Whatsup, Eterni-dog?" and Eternity is all like "Hows it hangin' Holmes?"

Well, after a few pages of mind-blowing cosmic exposition, the best buds part...

Yeah, that just happened. So how was your morning?

That was Marshall Rogers and Joe Rubenstein on art by the way. If you prefer, here's Walt Simonson's (cover) version of the confab:

Straight trippin'.

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Play Me No Plays, Kid Eternity!!

It's a cutthroat world in the field analyzing literary manuscripts, let me tell you.

Kid Eternity encounters a newly-arrived spirit in heaven, who was murdered before he could authenticate a huge find:

Holy schnikes, a new Shakespeare play?!?

Well, Kid Eternity decides to help Delven finish his task, and solve his murder...because what the hell else does he have to do?

Yeah, Kid, maybe this isn't your forte. Maybe you need some help...?

Woo hoo!! I guess this resolves the "did Shakespeare really write his plays" controversy. Heavenly forces wouldn't lie to us, right?

But Kid Eternity is about to learn a very valuable lesson...

Don't mix authors and alcohol!!

Again, don't try to get between a writer and his liquor!!

Well, eventually Kid Eternity sobers William up (SPOILER ALERT: 3 witches!), and he comes back to look at the manuscript!

But!!

Dude, you can't kill Shakespeare!! That's rude!! Plus, he's already dead. Plus, c'mon, man--Shakespeare!! Double plus, someone's already done Kill Shakespeare!

Fortunately, Kid Eternity has lots of friends:

Phew!!

But what about Damocles?!? What about the play?!!?!

Well, that's that!!

Oh, the old "find a fake Shakespeare play and sell it to a millionaire" scheme. That trick never works!!

The lesson--keep the playwrights liquored up, if you want to scam your way to millions. And, really, murder is kind of stupid.

Manic Monday Bonus--It's Important To Have Variety In Your Diet!

Galactus doesn't eat only planets, you know.

The Elders Of The Universe just tried to destroy Galactus, because dumbasses. But they failed. And now it's time to pay the piper:

Man, he went through them like I go through the dollar menu at Taco Bell...

But there is a downside...

Hmmm...maybe you don't want to use the bathroom after Galactus that day...

From Silver Surfer #10 (1988)