Mad Rick Jones--Fury Road!

Because on some rainy Sunday mornings...

...you need to see Rick Jones, Kang, and the Kree Supreme Intelligence swooping in to save the day, loaded for bear on a time-traveling, dimension hopping "Supreme-Cycle."

Because goddamn, I love comics.

BTW, I might have missed something...but I'm pretty sure that Rick Jones has never had his own comic book. Am I wrong, did I miss some one-shot title sometime?

I mean, even flipping Snapper Carr got his own dang one-shot, as leaser of The Blasters.

Rick Jones: There at the birth of the Hulk, and the birth of the Avengers; he was Captain America's partner; he kinda saved the whole universe during the Kree-Skrull War, and the several universes during the Destiny War; he hung out with ROM; he's been bonded with two different Captain Marvels; he hung with Hulks grey and green; he's run an organization for wayward teen super-heroes; he's actually been both a Hulk and an Abomination; he's had a successful career as author and rock star and TV talk show host. Plus, he rides a Supreme-Cycle with Kang and the Supreme Intelligence.

This is a dude who has touched virtually every corner of the Marvel Universe (and, conveniently for certain Marvel/Disney butthead executives, not too much interaction with the FF/X-Men/Spider-Man branches). Yet Rick Jones has had not one mention in an MCU film, and he's never had his own damned comic book.

Look, Marvel, when this whole Secret Wars square dance at done, you could do a lot worse than to give Rick Jones his own title as a Rosetta Stone for your new-fangled/refurbished/refreshed/don't-you-dare-say-rebooted universe.

From Avengers Forever #10 (1999)

Best Covers You've Never Seen--Cap '66!!

I'm just sayin'...1966 was a really good year for Captain America covers...

Jack Kirby and Sol Brodsky...

Jack and John Romita...

Jack and Frank Giacoia...

Jack and Don Heck (!)...

Jack and Giacoia...

Jack and Giacoia...

Friday Night Fights--Goliath Style!!

Well, we've spent far too much time this week discussing how cool Clint Barton is.

So let's continue that trend for this week's Friday Night Fights!

Black Widow has been kidnapped by villains unknown!

While everyone else on the team is following a false lead, Clint gets a "come help me call" from Natasha, and decides that the situation calls for borrowing a little bit of Doc Pym's Super-Growth formula!

It turns out that Widow is being held by a TED Talk of evil scientists--Egghead, the Puppet Master and the Mad Thinker! They're holding her at their secret HQ--at Coney Island!! And they have a secret wepaon!

So...game on!!

KROK!!!

Spacebooger believes that it's a very good think that Oliver Queen never got his hands on growth serum...

Hawkeye changes job titles in Avengers #63 (1969), by Roy Thomas, Gene Colan, and George Klein

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? Giant Hawkeye saves the girl, that's why!! So go vote!!

Don't Say I Didn't Warn You--DC And The 1/2 Page Ads

Last Friday I did a post warning of some rumors that DC was going to start running half page ads on the same pages as actual story...like Marvel used to do for a couple of months 40-odds years ago:

No one responded...hey, it was only a rumor, and it was a holiday weekend, and DC would never do anything like that in 2015, right?

Well, it turns out that it wasn't so much a rumor as a "hey, this is really happening starting in June."

As artist Chris Burnham confirmed upon receiving his comp copy's of next week's books:

What the fuck is up with these Nick Lachey Twix ads? pic.twitter.com/TR2t8o9VaB

— Chris Burnham (@TheBurnham) May 28, 2015

Burnham goes on to say that all the new DC #1's have this "feature." It's unclear if this will be happening only in the new books, which are $2.99, or in the continuing titles, which are anywhere from $2.99-$4.99, or what.

Great way to run a re-launch, DC!!

So while this sad plan may be a fait accompli, it's not too late to register your displeasure. As I said last week, "We should let DC know, before it happens, that, in the 21st century, this really isn't acceptable. We should tell Time/Warner that it might be unseemly and counter-productive for a multi-billion dollar media empire to try and eke out a few thousand extra dollars at the price of aesthetically wrecking the product we're paying for (and they're basing toys and movies upon). We should say loudly and often that any advertiser who buys space like that won't be patronized by us."

Or, we can sit there and meekly eat our Twix bars and shrug, not minding the distractions of having our stories even more interrupted by advertising than it already is. Your call.

The Deadlier Secret Agent Of The Species!

Look, if we're going to go to all the trouble of doing a big-screen big-budget remake of The Man From U.N.C.L.E., we might as well go all the way, right?

I'll leave it to you guys to cast who should play April Dancer in 2015...

p.s. Director Guy Ritchie wasn't even alive when Man From U.N.C.L.E. was on the air. Feel old...

Batman Is Always Thinking Of Your Safety

WARNING:

That's true. I can't remember the last time I heard someone expressing the proper concern about quicksand!

Thank you, Caped Crusader!!

From this week's Batman'66 #23

Hawkeye Is Better Than Green Arrow--Proven With SCIENCE!!!!!

Some people, it seems, disagreed with my statement yesterday that "there is no possible universe in which Green Arrow will ever be as cool as Hawkeye."

Well, not to stir a tempest in a teapot, but my statement was empirically, objectively, logically and certifiably true.

 VS.

Let's go to the science, shall we? [FYI, we're going with comic book incarnations here. Which actually levels the playing field a bit, as MCU Hawkeye blew up Loki with an exploding arrow]

ORIGIN:
Oliver Queen is the original 1%-er, a billionaire. Not a particularly good one, as he's lost and restored his fortune more times than DC has announced and changed plans for a Wonder Woman film. He became a hero because that's what billionaires did back then.

Hawkeye was an orphan who ran away and joined the circus. Literally. And was taught to be a marksman by a super-villain.

Easy win for Hawkeye.

COSTUME:
People like to make fun of Hawkeye's purple outfit.

And that's OK. Because the thing actually looks pretty good in the hands of a good artist:

And most people forget about this one:

PHWOOOOAARRRRRR!!!

I'll take that over ersatz Robin Hood any day.

OTHER POWERS:
Green Arrow fires arrows. And more arrows.

Clint Barton, however, also was...

GOLIATH.

Another clear decision for Hawkeye.

HOTTER GIRLFRIEND:

I'm not sure that this is a valid criteria, but let's play anyway.

Sure, Oliver has had, in some continuities, a long-term relationship with Black Canary.

Of course, despite having a hot girlfriend, Green Arrow has had multiple (multiple) infidelities, and a string of illegitimate children (apparently he never packed the condom arrow). And Dinah dumped him (more than once).

And I really think you're selling Hawkeye's hot girlfriend/wife short:

And let's not forget--Clint Barton has probably the ultimate tie-breaker:

So, yeah...Black Widow AND Mockingbird. Pretty clear win for the Hawkster.

SIDEKICK:

I'm pretty sure that this hasn't happened to Kate Bishop yet:

Another win for Hawkguy!

GREATEST TRIUMPHS:

Well, Hawkeye once beat the Collector, all by himself, after all of the other Avengers had been captured.

Oh, yeah, and Hawkeye also once beat the Grandmaster all by his lonesome, after all of the East and West Coast Avengers were all killed (they got better).

Meanwhile, Green Arrow had a tough time with this guy.

This is getting repetitive. A win for Hawkeye!!

LEADERSHIP: 

Hawkeye was chairman and founder of the West Coast Avengers.

Hawkeye was leader of the Thunderbolts for quite awhile, getting super-villains to go straight, and turning them into effective heroes.

Green Arrow once led...well, he once...well, erm...as near as I can tell, Oliver Queen has never been in charge of anything (except for failing businesses). He's more interested in reflexively arguing with whomever is in charge...

I think you know where this is going...

RANDOM POINTS:

They both died and came back. A toss-up, unless you want to give Ollie demerits for being revived by the Hal Jordan Spectre.

Hawkeye went back in time to ye olde West, and fought Kang with the Two-Gun Kid.

Green Arrow had an Arrow Cave and an Arrow-Mobile and an Arrow-Signal...and obviously the world's biggest case of Batman envy.

Green Arrow's beard, man...that chin hair...

Green Arrow has killed crooks. A lot. Big demerits in my book.

Well, none of that is enough to sway the final results: Hawkeye 1,000,000,000 and Green Arrow 0.

Sorry, Green Arrow fans--it's science!

Green Arrow Is No Hawkeye, But...

Let's start with a bit of gratuitous Hal Jordan bashing, shall we?

That feels so good. But Ollie feels left out...

Anyway, as we saw yesterday, Black Canary was severely injured by a hit and run driver. And apparently, Oliver Queen is the only guy anywhere near by with matching blood.

Unfortunately, Ollie is hanging out at a monastery. Why? Well, a few issues ago, he accidentally killed a crook with an arrow! He feels so guilty, he can't use his bow anymore, so he quits heroing, and retires to a California monastery!!

[Special Note To The Arrow TV Show: See, heroes feel guilty when they kill someone. Like it's not something that heroes should be doing. A-hem]

So Hal goes to fetch Oliver, and needlessly humiliates a hunter in the process. That's the guy who cold-cocked our heroes. And for a civilian hunter, well, he comes up with a pretty good death-trap for a rookie:

Most powerful weapon in the universe? Greatest Green Lantern of all? Puh-lease...

Oliver uses an arrowhead to to cut himself loose...but can he take the shot?

Look, there is no possible universe in which Green Arrow will ever be as cool as Hawkeye. Just won't happen.

But that wasn't bad, Oliver. Not too bad at all.

From Flash #219 (1973)

Manic Memeorial Day Triple Overtime--The Best Argument For Cell Phones!

The #1 reason we don't have phone booths anymore:

Ow!! That never happened to Clark Kent!!

Oh, and the reason the doofus ran down Dinah?

Oh, 1970s....

From The Flash #219 (1973)