The Blackboard Jungle, Or, Scared Straight Superman Style!

Perry White is strolling through Metropolis, when...

Ah, but nostalgia ain't what it used to be!

Well, Perry is a keen newsman, so...

He arranges for Lois to pose as a teacher so she can get the story.

FACT: Lois Lane could not handle being a teacher:

So in swoops Superman to help her out!

Well, we can all see what's going to happen here, right? Using the classic storeytelling "rule of 3s," Superman's going to play Wishmaster and give these punks exactly what they wish for...

First up:

So, without so much as a permission slip, Superman whisks a teenager across state lines, and:

You have to love the Nelsonian "Ha, ha" there...

So NASA agrees to send an untrained kid into space as a favor to Superman?!?

Next up:

Florida was bad enough--now he's taking kids to other planets?!?

What. The. Frak?!?

Someone please tell me that this planet still exists in the nu52!!

Threatening to abandon students light years from home--approved discipline tecgnique in American schools!! (And since "Superman never lies," if Louie hadn't agreed to behave better, Superman would have just left him there, right?)

Finally:

And after a quick trip to the Fortress Of Solitude...

Why the heck do you even keep something like that around, Kal-El?

You know, that's not a bad deal for 1962...

But Superman relents:

SCIENCE!!

And so, our "juvenile delinquents" are now model citizens!

And it only took multiple felonies to accomplish!! Well played, Man Of Steel!!

From Superman #151 (1962)

And then There Was That Time Popeye Boxed With J'onn J'onzz...?

There are a lot of folks who think that Superman vs Muhammad Ali is the greatest comic book boxing match ever.

Those people are wrong.

 As we saw last week, Popeye wasn't able to find anyone willing to fight him, because his 66,223-0 record was scaring away prospective opponents.

So Wimpy decides to help out by doing a radio broadcast to find someone for Popeye to fight:

But the signal went a bit farther than intended...

So then this guy shows up...

A shape-shifter? From Mars? Obviously a relative of a certain Manhunter we know.

Oh, and the Martian plans to win:

And the fight is on!

OK, that's just plain cheating!! But...

Lousy Martians!! And...

D'oh!!

But, fortunately for Popeye...

Woo hoo! Popeye wins!!

Except...

And THAT is why J'onn J'onzz eats Oreos, and not spinach!!

From Popeye #21 (1952), as reprinted in Classic Popeye #21 (2014)