Why 1970s Spider-Man Was The Best Spider-Man--Tarantula-Style!

How good was Spider-Man in the 1970s?

Spider-Man was sooo good that you could run the exact same cover three different times...

...and people would just beg for more.

Seriously...exact same angle and leg position for Tarantula, same yellow sky in New York City...

Let it be noted that it was the 1980s, and not the 1970s, that turned him into a human-sized tarantula and killed him. Sigh...

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Maybe they Should Have Used A Dictionary

Oh,the perils of getting your comics from the Quarter Bin...

I mean, here I am ready to enjoy some no doubt realistic, touching, and no doubt not-at-all sexist tales of Career Girl Romances...

...when I'm distracted by this on the cover:

Sure, romance comics may seem a funny place to stick find-a-word puzzles--"No Dictionary Needed!" But Charlton had just launched a couple of seek-a-word puzzle magazines, and this was as good a cross-promotion as any, I suppose.

So I turned to the exciting page--

Ready to employ my sharp eye--

Eh, not so much.

You pays your quarter, you takes your chances.

From Career Girl Romance #77 (1973)

Manic Monday Bonus--Yeah, I Still Haven't Forgiven JJ Abrams

In the letters page of Star Trek: Starfleet Academy #18 (1998), Andrew Hogan of South Glen Falls, NY had a very interesting question:

Well, since this was the penultimate issue, no, they wouldn't. 

Still, a serious question deserves a serious answer:

That's right--of course cadets can't get starships of their own!! That's the most ridiculous idea I've ever--

Oh.

Damn. I guess cadets do get starships of their own, promoted to Captain straight out of the Academy. Seems like a silly way to run a Starfleet, if you ask me...

Manic Monday--How To Alienate Neighbors And Relatives!

Ready for a Monday morning test?

Oh, don't fret...this is the type of test that can make you money!!

Woo hoo!! I'm on board!! Let's go (with a little help from whoever owned this book before it was exiled to the Quarter Bin):

Sure, we all do!

Well, as long as it's only a little work...

I run a blog--of course they trust me!!

Oh, sorry. You lose.

Let's be honest--I'm reading a Charlton romance comic--what are the odds that I even have neighbors or relatives that I know well??

It's probably for the best--any get-rich-quick-scheme from inside the back cover of a comic book that depended on dumping your goods on neighbors and relatives was probably one to avoid getting involved with...

Ad appeared in Secret Romance #28 (1973)

Marvel's Version Of Matches Malone!!

So, Spider-Man is helping the ghost of a murdered FBI agent (no, really) capture the scum who killed him.

Well, Peter decides the best way is to infiltrate the gang! But how does mild-mannered young adult Peter Parker join a rough and tumble crime crew?

Oh, Peter...don't use your real name!! I mean, a leather jacket and 5 o'clock shadow is a fair disguise, but your real name? Batman used Matches Malone, not Matches Wayne, for heaven's sake!!

And what happens when your gang of killers is going to, well, kill someone?

Smooth, Peter. Damn smooth.

But of course, you're destined to run into someone who knows you...

D'oh!!

That was the last we ever saw of "Kid Parker, the dude with the baby face and the fists of steel." But really, we should see some more undercover work from Peter...

This was just another reason 70s Spider-Man was the best Spider-Man!

From Amazing Spider-Man Annual #13 (1979)

The Best Cover You've Never Seen--For Lovers Only #78 (1975)

Admit it, fair reader...

...you've always wanted to see a Joe Staton painted cover for a romance comic.

Well, now you have.

You're welcome.

Friday Night Fights--Don't Make Hack O'Hara Angry, You Wouldn't Like Him WHen He's Angry Style!!

There are few people more good-natured and friendly than Hack O'Hara, The Cabbie With A Conscience.

But man, oh man, do not try to chisel him out of a fare! We learn that lesson the hard way in this week's Friday Night Fights!

A gang of jewel thieves is trying to keep Hack away from his usual cab stand, so they can park their getaway car there for the big job.

Brilliant plan...but then they have to go and get cheap...

Well, that's not where it ends, as Hack chases down the gangsters like a newspaper delivery boy chasing down John Cusack for his $2:

Yes, now it's war!!

Let's see a Uber driver do that!!

Spacebooger would like to mention that the crooks were pretty stupid, because if they just paid the $2.85, they'd have gotten away with the heist!! Cheapness never pays!!

The rage of a stiffed cabbie comes from Crack Comics #40 (1945), by Vernon Henkel

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? Look, you don't want to make Hack O'Hara mad again, do you? Do you? So go and vote!!

How Big A Rube Town Is Central City?

Actor Fred Pearson is having a bad day...

No, that call isn't to his agent, wondering why he can't get a better gig than walking around in a monkey suit.

Well, it turn's out that Fred's problems are all caused by Grodd (this story was Grodd's debut!). The gorilla creep has been messing with Pearson's mind, and taking his place on stage:

Now, it's hard to review a show from just one panel...but I will anyway! This looks like the "show" is just a guy walking around the stage in a gorilla costume!

That's not so bad, is it? Well...

This show has been held over for 3 years in Central City!! THREE. YEARS. And it's still selling out as Centralians flock to see...a man dressed in a gorilla suit cavorting about the stage. Did they not have TV yet? No interesting movies to go see? No touring companies of real shows coming to Central City? No movies?

So, basically, Central City-ites are a couple of notches below Springfield in their love of legitimate the-ater...

From Flash #106 (1959)