One Panel That Explains Everything About The Daily Bugle

Not even Marmaduke? Oh, Jonah...

From Amazing Spider-Man #1.4 (2014)

The Best Cover (And House Ad) You've Never Seen--Lois Lane #80 (1968)

Let's start with the house ad (that appeared on the inside back cover of Green Lantern #58 (1968)):

Oh, DC, you were so hip and "Mod," weren't you?"!? 5 different fonts for one ad?!?! That's the 60's, baby!!

And the actual cover:

Curt Swan inked by Neal Adams, breaking the fourth wall by tearing apart the cover? By definition, that's mod!!

Friday Night Fights--Hal Jordan Is No Batman Style!!

Oh, Hal Jordan...

This week, we're going to do something fairly rare in these parts: watch Hal Jordan win a Friday Night Fights!! Well, sorta kinda...

Hal is on a forced vacation, while his ring is in the shop for repair--yes, that is literally true!

But the house where he is staying is being burglarized!!! What to do?!?

Oh, Hal, you just had to go an jinx it, didn't you?

Because what's a Hal Jordan story without traumatic brain injury?

Oh, Hal, honey...

Spacebooger would like you to know that at just that moment, the Guardians teleported his ring back to him, so a founding member of the Justice League was finally able to take out petty thugs...

Hal's (brief) triumph was brought to you by Gardner Fox, Gil Kane and Sid Greene in Green Lantern #58 (1968)

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? No earthly reason. Now go and vote!!

Stan Needed To Recharge His Thesaurus!

For 3 consecutive issues in 1970...

Spider-villains did an awful lot of coming.

I'm just sayin'.

The Perverse Discipline Of Professor Lang!

Lana Lang is working hard on her project to prove that Clark Kent is Superboy...apparently with charts and graphs and Powerpoint. (If she were a certain hack "explanatory journalism" site, she would bellow "40 Maps That Explain Why Superboy Really IS Clark Kent!")

Her father, the normally mellow and somewhat befuddled Professor Lang, isn't impressed:

It is interesting that his first reaction is to think of underworld figures ransacking the bedrooms of teenage girls, looking for their diaries or such...

Ah, but his delightfully disproportionate reaction?

Geez louise!?!

Phew indeed. Still, my scan of that panel will end being posted on many a special-interest tumblr, I'd wager...

But Professor Lang has other punishments at his disposal...

D'oh!!

(Note to modern readers: read as "I'm taking away your MP3 collection.")

OK, no dates and no records. That will teach her good.

(Note to modern readers: read as "I'm taking away your iPad.")

Fine. Surely she's punished enough now, right?

Great--you're going to starve her. Overreact much?

Man, I can't wait to see how he punished when she did something that was actually, you know, bad. It's a wonder Lana survived to her teenage years...

From Superboy #93 (1961)

If A Venusian Rock Decides Not To Float, Has It Still Made A Choice?

Superboy raises deep theological questions:

Wait a minute--rocks have free will?

A thousand graduate philosophy theses have just been launched...

From Superboy #93 (1961)

The Best Covers That haven't Been Published Yet!

Check out the cover to November's All-New Invaders #12:

That cover is by Michael Komark. The story?

"In 1917, what brought together UNION JACK, IRON FIST, and FREEDOM’S FIVE? Would you believe…invading MARTIANS?!"

Yeah, I'm all over that. FYI, if you're curious about Freedom's Five, here's their bio. That's why I love what James Robinson is doing on this book...he's taking a one-panel throwaway idea by Roy Thomas and blowing it up into it's own thing---which is exactly the same thing that Roy Thomas himself did to other throw-away long-forgotten characters/concepts.

And then there's this:

That's the cover of Constantine #19, by Juan Ferreyra. The solicit, sadly, seems to have little to do with this image--the story is something about him going to Earth-2, because I guess pulling John Constantine from Vertigo means you embroil him in stupid crossovers.

Still, that's one heck of a bitching cover!

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Rank Is Important!

As Cap and Sharon are escaping from a country nothing at all like North Korea...

You tell him, Sharon.

From Captain America #454 (1996)

Manic Monday Bonus--Someone Have Nate Silver Analyze This Poll...

In the letters page of Avengers #396 (1996), they printed the results of a poll of everyone's favorite Avengers:

Please note:

A) Hank Pym probably gets a somewhat unfair boost because of his multiple identities. Because, really, Hank Pym as the second favorite Avenger? I don't think I want to live in that world...

B) Clearly, the Vision IS radder than you think!!

C) How in the hell can you not have the ever-lovin' blue-eyed Beast on this list?!? How?!?! What is the matter with you, America? Oh, my stars and garters!

D) Given that the Hulk hadn't been an active Avenger for 23 years, #16-20 should be pretty embarrassed by their performance.

E) Wonder Man doesn't even make the top 20? Ouch, babe.

F) Quicksilver at #7? Really? I mean, there are Quicksilver fans out there? Who like him better than any other Avenger? What a strange world this is...

G) I see The Forgotten One lived up to his name...

H) I would have expected Janet to finish higher...

Manic Monday--How Many Times Can One Comic Book Misinform The Youth Of America?!

Where the hell to start with this story?

Superboy has been sent on a sort of super-scavenger hunt by a dying hunter who has threatened to blow up Smallville, so following the clues he ends up...

Well, see now, that is completely false, Kal-El. The etymology of the words "news" is fairly well known, and has nothing to do with compass directions. What are they teaching you at Smallville High?

Anyway, on the island:

Wait--that's not how it works, goofball!! Heating up the egg with super-vision doesn't make the embryo grow days more quickly!! Seriously, Clark Kent, what are your grades in biology?

Awwwwwwww....

But...

HOLD ON!!

TIME OUT!!!!!!

A flying penguin? A flying baby penguin? Any bird flying just after hatching?!?!?

Well, I would accuse this story of being aggressively anti-facts, but I guess seeing is believing:

Fly, baby penguin, fly!!

And then...

Look, I have no problem with making up fictional places for a comic book story. But really--a city "where everybody earns his living by making clocks"?? I doubt that's even economically feasible!

"Honey, let's go out to eat!" "Sorry, there are no restaurants--everyone here makes clocks, nothing else!"

No one collects garbage? No police, no medical care, no grocery stores?

OK, I'm being a jerk on this one.  But still...

No street cleaners? No newspaper? No schools?

Still, it makes more sense than flying baby penguins...

From Superboy #93 (1961)