It's time again to judge the heroes of our forefathers by today's snarky standards...to see who is worthy to be resurrected as a 21st century superhero...it's time for Golden Age Idol!!
Previously, we've seen that foppish artists and their animated statues of cannibalistic titans (wearing dresses, no less) couldn't make the grade. But, we then saw how the most generic of heroic concepts could be made future-worthy by the inclusion of FIRE APES!! Damn, I still get shivers at that!
What does this week bring? Well, sometimes, our Golden Age forefathers just didn't put a lot of work into coming up with actual powers and identities and stuff. Case in point:
Let's see..."a professor" (whom they never even bother to name in the story!), a "secret discovery," well, you can't get much more generic than that. So he becomes:
OK, it's kind of a cool logo, in a kitschy 1940's way. Speaking of which, it's the 1940's, so Airmale (shudder) has to have a teen sidekick, right? True enough, he does. And that sidekick is...
OK, you might not want to see this. Move along. Protect your eyes (and mind). Don't say I didn't warn you. Airmale's sidekick is:
Sigh...Airmale and Stampy. Good thing Peter David isn't writing this book. Oh, and Stampy talks funny and isn't very bright:
Anyway, what's the deal with our nameless heroes? Well, Airmale is a surprisingly responsible Golden Age scientist:
Airmale's power? He's lighter than air.
That's it.
No, really.
Now, somehow, he's able to propel himself, and actually fly...that's the Golden Age, bro, just roll with it! But aside from that, no other powers. And there are some definite drawbacks to being "lighter than air":
In some stories, Airmale apparently had a "gravity belt" that allowed him to walk on the ground like a normal dude...no evidence of that here, though. Also, I see that our professor's name was Kenneth Stevens. Here's a Pro-Tip: Google searches for "Airmale" turn up a disquieting number of links to male strippers...
When a new diabolical villain rears his head, Airmale relents and shoots up Stampy faster than Speedy in an O'Neil/Adams story:
Who is our evil genius?
Hmmm...looks nothing like Emil Gargunza...And yes, that is his master plan--drive around and shoot things with his "makes things heavy" gun until "the authorities" give him the keys to the kingdom or money or whatever.
What a putz.
And how do Airmale and Stampy defeat him? By flying around a lot.
Oh, yeah, and by getting grazed by the heavy beam, so now they're normal weight, and can punch the crap out of him, and...
And lame. Heroes we can't even bother to name and have no personal life...sidekicks who are named for stupid puns...the power to fly and that's it...there's not a whole lot of "there" there, is there? Paula, what do you think?
Agreed...Sorry, Airmale and Stampy, you've been canceled!! Return to sender!? Postage Due!! Stampy's been licked!
Dammit, somebody let Peter David in here....
This Airmale and Stampy story is from Atomic Bomb #1 (1946)
Previously, we've seen that foppish artists and their animated statues of cannibalistic titans (wearing dresses, no less) couldn't make the grade. But, we then saw how the most generic of heroic concepts could be made future-worthy by the inclusion of FIRE APES!! Damn, I still get shivers at that!
What does this week bring? Well, sometimes, our Golden Age forefathers just didn't put a lot of work into coming up with actual powers and identities and stuff. Case in point:
Let's see..."a professor" (whom they never even bother to name in the story!), a "secret discovery," well, you can't get much more generic than that. So he becomes:
OK, it's kind of a cool logo, in a kitschy 1940's way. Speaking of which, it's the 1940's, so Airmale (shudder) has to have a teen sidekick, right? True enough, he does. And that sidekick is...OK, you might not want to see this. Move along. Protect your eyes (and mind). Don't say I didn't warn you. Airmale's sidekick is:
Sigh...Airmale and Stampy. Good thing Peter David isn't writing this book. Oh, and Stampy talks funny and isn't very bright:
Anyway, what's the deal with our nameless heroes? Well, Airmale is a surprisingly responsible Golden Age scientist:
Airmale's power? He's lighter than air.That's it.
No, really.
Now, somehow, he's able to propel himself, and actually fly...that's the Golden Age, bro, just roll with it! But aside from that, no other powers. And there are some definite drawbacks to being "lighter than air":
In some stories, Airmale apparently had a "gravity belt" that allowed him to walk on the ground like a normal dude...no evidence of that here, though. Also, I see that our professor's name was Kenneth Stevens. Here's a Pro-Tip: Google searches for "Airmale" turn up a disquieting number of links to male strippers...When a new diabolical villain rears his head, Airmale relents and shoots up Stampy faster than Speedy in an O'Neil/Adams story:
Who is our evil genius?
Hmmm...looks nothing like Emil Gargunza...And yes, that is his master plan--drive around and shoot things with his "makes things heavy" gun until "the authorities" give him the keys to the kingdom or money or whatever.
What a putz.And how do Airmale and Stampy defeat him? By flying around a lot.
Oh, yeah, and by getting grazed by the heavy beam, so now they're normal weight, and can punch the crap out of him, and...And lame. Heroes we can't even bother to name and have no personal life...sidekicks who are named for stupid puns...the power to fly and that's it...there's not a whole lot of "there" there, is there? Paula, what do you think?
Agreed...Sorry, Airmale and Stampy, you've been canceled!! Return to sender!? Postage Due!! Stampy's been licked!Dammit, somebody let Peter David in here....
This Airmale and Stampy story is from Atomic Bomb #1 (1946)
Transformers has their own Stampy, in the Japanese "Beast Wars Neo". He turns into a rabbit. I like him better.
ReplyDeleteAtomic bomb indeed!
ReplyDeleteWeirded me out!
ReplyDelete