Well, it's about time that we start to look ahead (albeit not too enthusiastically) to the Battle For The Cowl, when apparently everyone who was even tangentially connected to Batman decides they want to pick up the mantle. Why, I wouldn't know...Gotham's a big enough city for everyone to do their thing, I would think. And who really cares what they wear?
But DC doesn't make any money by listening to me. So, here to help us evaluate the various candidates to seize the Cowl, is Simon Cowell, for our first edition of Cowell on the Cowl:
Thank you, snell. I thought we'd start with the fashion-blind acrobatic orphan, Dick Grayson. Now, in some ways, he's the most logical candidate to become the new Batman, having been raised and trained by the original.
The only, problem, however, is that Dick Grayson is so stupid, he makes Bizarro look like Einstein.
You want proof? Inaptly-named counterfeiter Brainy Walker has put together a (fairly dumb) plan to convince the Dynamic Duo that he knows where Batcave is. Let's watch Robin at work, shall we?
D'oh!!
Now, Batman makes it all better, using Alfred's shadow, a tape recorder, and a papier mache Buddha to convince Walker that it was all just a deliberate trick. No, I'm not making any of that up. And it's not like 578 people don't already know Batman's secret identity at the moment.
But good lord, was that a wretched performance!! It was so abysmal, , it should permanently disqualify the original Boy Wonder from ever becoming the Darknight Detective.
Simon Sez:
Robin's massive brain freeze occurred in Detective Comics #242 (1957). Keep checking in, because more Cowell on the Cowl will be coming soon...
But DC doesn't make any money by listening to me. So, here to help us evaluate the various candidates to seize the Cowl, is Simon Cowell, for our first edition of Cowell on the Cowl:
Thank you, snell. I thought we'd start with the fashion-blind acrobatic orphan, Dick Grayson. Now, in some ways, he's the most logical candidate to become the new Batman, having been raised and trained by the original.The only, problem, however, is that Dick Grayson is so stupid, he makes Bizarro look like Einstein.
You want proof? Inaptly-named counterfeiter Brainy Walker has put together a (fairly dumb) plan to convince the Dynamic Duo that he knows where Batcave is. Let's watch Robin at work, shall we?
D'oh!!Now, Batman makes it all better, using Alfred's shadow, a tape recorder, and a papier mache Buddha to convince Walker that it was all just a deliberate trick. No, I'm not making any of that up. And it's not like 578 people don't already know Batman's secret identity at the moment.
But good lord, was that a wretched performance!! It was so abysmal, , it should permanently disqualify the original Boy Wonder from ever becoming the Darknight Detective.
Simon Sez:
Robin's massive brain freeze occurred in Detective Comics #242 (1957). Keep checking in, because more Cowell on the Cowl will be coming soon...
That made me smile :)
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see who Cowell dumps on next!
Guh. Even putting aside egregious stupidity, I don't think Dick would be a great full-time Batman. (On occasion or filling in, maybe, but full-time no.) He's worked through enough of his parents' death that he doesn't have the level of rage/committment Bruce had; and Dick wants to be a Superman-style hero too much to be a shadowy avenger.
ReplyDeleteThat, and the stupid. Next!