Monday, September 3, 2007

Olsen Vs. Superman Week--Superman's Revenge

OK, so I lied about the monkeys coming today. Later this week, I promise. Meanwhile...yesterday we looked at what a dickweed Jimmy Olsen could be to his supposed pal. Today we visit what happens when Superman abuses the friendship:

But I CAN'T pay the rent! But you MUST pay the rent!Once again, we have a cover that's completely true. This scene actually occurs (more or less), and isn't a dream or a red kryptonite hallucination. Which leaves us with one conclusion--Superman is a jerk.

For reasons beyond the ken of mere mortals, Perry White has assigned Jimmy Olsen to do a major expose on Metropolis' slums. This is kind of interesting, because a) Perry gives the same assignment to Lois Lane 6 months later, and b) unlike Lois' trip to "Little Africa," when Jimmy investigates, the "slums of Metropolis" are occupied by 100% white people. Hmmm...

Anyhoo, after Clark declares that Jimmy's story is soooo good that "it could mean the Pulitzer Prize," Perry White shows he skipped a couple of days of journalism ethics class:

And by kill, I mean scrunch up the pages it's written on

I'm also killing this Pentagon Papers piece...can't annoy advertisers, now!Despite Perry kow-towing to The Man, Jimmy is undeterred, and takes his own life savings ($300!) to rent an apartment in the slum. He plans to write a book, and a "publisher friend promised to print it!"

But, Jimmy is a pretty big pussy. Despite the fact that this "ghetto" is filled with lily-white old folks, groovy college kids, and no minorities whatsoever, he freaks out, and commits the single most unjustified use of the signal watch EVER:
Good Lord, no wonder he kills you with a super-whistle, you twit!!!!!!!!
What next? "I can't find my remote control...Zee zee zee zee?"

Well, Superman does show up to help, although he can't help making a snide remark about Jimmy's living conditions:
Gee, Jimmy, you're really SLUMMING today...ha ha...get it? Huh?

Now, maybe Kal-El is a bit peeved at Jimmy calling him for no good reason. But when Jimmy asks for help, Supes shows what a petty dweeb he is:
Superman knows what is best for all of us
OK, so you only help Jimmy out when he consults with you on what projects he does? C'mon, dude--Jimmy is trying to expose a slum lord and help people improve their living conditions (which is more than you're doing), and you refuse to help because he didn't get the Superman seal of approval?? Even after you, as Clark, praised him for how important this story was? Oh, Superman, you've crossed over into dickweedery, haven't you?

Now, I'll grant you, this is better than the cover, which implies Superman is punishing Jimmy for being a "wise guy" by forcing him to live in a slum. But not much better. Jimmy's taken on a hard and icky case, and the Man of Steel can't be bothered to get his fingers dirty (see below).

Even worse, Superman "carelessly" exposes Jimmy to great danger:
Next, to accidently reveal Deep Throat's identity
Smooth move, Man of Tomorrow! Fortunately for Metropolis' downtrodden, Jimmy perseveres. Without any help from Superman, he gets gets kidnapped, has his head shaved (!), and tracks down and exposes "Mr. Squeeze," the mysterious slum lord. But in the end, Superman swoops in and tries to claim all the glory.
Superman helps the poor only AFTER it's popular!!So, to summarize: Jimmy writes a story Clark seems to be jealous of; because Jimmy doesn't "consult" with Superman first, Kal-El refuses to help him out; and only after Jimmy does all the hard work does Superman actually do anything to help anyone. Verdict: Dickweed.

I must note though, that Superman usually isn't as big a dickweed as Jimmy. When Jimmy goes Hal Jordan on Superman, it's usually major and life-threatening: revealing his secret identity, helping villains kill him, murdering Clark Kent. Superman's betrayals are usually much milder, and involve leaving Jimmy in embarrassing situations or treating him like dirt. And then there's the monkeys...

Today's humiliation of Jimmy comes from Jimmy Olsen #127, March 1970. True Fact: this issue was the inspiration for the show Good Times.

Bonus panel with inside mouse-over joke only for MST3K fans:
He'd never touch you, Terry--you're dirt!

1 comment:

  1. Perhaps it is reverse psychology.

    Superman is showing wussy-I-won't-touch-a-roach Jimmy that actually he CAN achieve things on his own without Superman having to do it all for him.

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