Thursday, September 6, 2007

Olsen Vs. Superman Week--Murder Most Foul!!

We should point out that, while Jimmy Olsen is Superman's Pal, he is not Clark Kent's Pal. As is demonstrated by:
Man, I love Curt Swan covers
Well, this scene really does happen!! Jimmy kills Clark (or so he thinks), and tries to conceal the crime. And he's ready to use the "gamma weapon" on Supes.

Of course, this is DC, so there's an excuse that let's Jimmy off the hook for killing Clark--he was controlled by Parallax!!! Oh, wait...no, he thought Clark was Maxwell Lord...no, wait...

No the real story here is that a secret criminal "assassination gang" is forcing Jimmy to work for them. How secret??
Wow, it's a good thing he didn't try to tell them our secret password is...BLAM
SPOILER ALERT: We eventually learn the organization is named "Assassins Anonymous"...I guess there was no real need for all the secrecy, huh?

Anyway, they use both mind-control gas AND an electronic mind-control set of laurel leaves (?!?!) to brainwash and control Jimmy. They send him to the Daily Planet, because Clark has hidden in his desk a list of "secret kryptonite caches." Question 1: why???? Question 2: if it's so secret, why does everyone, even the criminal element, know that Clark has the list??

Clark walks in on Jimmy rifling his desk, and:
Blap?? The gun goes blap??
Now, a nanosecond after shooting Clark, Jimmy's brainwashing wears off. You'd think he would do the responsible thing, and alert the authorities and Superman. After all, he wasn't in control of his actions, and in DC good guys are never responsible for their bad actions.

But never forget, Jimmy Olsen is a selfish, cowardly bastard who tries to hide his crime like a 6-year old who broke the lamp:
This didn't work for Patty Hearst, Jimmy
Way to man up, James Bartholomew Olsen. Of course, Superman tries to get Jimmy to 'fess up:
In the criminal justice sytem, Metroplois is represented by two separate but equal groups...Clark Kent, and Superman
So, does Jimmy lay it all out for the Man of Steel? What do you think?
Yes, slay, Jimmy, slay...REDRUM!! REDRUM!!
But a sudden pang of "conscience" makes Jimmy change his mind. He instead sends Supes off into the death-trap AA has prepared for him, involving a sexy French scientist, a time machine, kryptonite, and the abominable snowman (please, don't ask, you're better off not knowing).

So let's sum up: under mind control, Jimmy murders Kent. No longer under mind control, Jimmy doesn't immediately seek justice for Clark, or turn over the AA, or stop the plot against Superman. He just tries to protect his own skin. He's even seriously tempted to kill Superman just to cover his tracks!!

Fortunately for all, through an elaborate counter-plot involving finger-tapping Morse Code, a felt-tip pen, a fake circuit burning out, and double exposure (please don't ask) Jimmy and Dr. Sex Kitten eventually save Superman and foil the AA. And apparently, Jimmy is going to win the Pulitzer for being a murderous, cowardly bastard:
Woodward and Bernstein got their big break murdering their friends, too!
As a final question, just what would that "gamma weapon" have done, anyway:
Maybe we can workk with Red Ghost
Oh, man, they had this and gave us that craptacular story instead??? What a rip-off...

This full-length epic was presented in Jimmy Olsen #103. Clark never stopped looking over his shoulder afterwards...

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