Friday, November 2, 2018

Dial E For Eternity--Ghost Town Hijinks'!!

After a pretty good run of Kid Eternity stories, we're back to Hit Comics, and sadly, a pretty unimpressive tale.

We start in "a western ghost town":



What the hell was that? A laser beam? 

Don't worry, we'll get to that in a bit of final panel rushed bit of exposition. For now, all you have to know, the guy's dead!

And for once, we've got a pretty good idea of who the killer is!

"Pesky fools!"

He has a friend leave a calling card:

Ah, the days before spell-check!!

This is the point when, several pages into the story, Kid Eternity and Keeper finally show up! For no particular reason, they're following the offensively stereotypical Native American whom Jed Bailey had hired to put that note up.

But apparently, they're not very good at following.

For some reason, Keeper remembers the town.

The local cowpokes--yes, this is a present day story, 1948--the local posse shows up to investigate,. But...





What the hell is that weapon?!?

The good guys obviously need help, so...


Jim Bridger! Well, sure, why not assert that he's completely familiar with this fictional town?!?



WHAT THE HELL IS THAT WEAPON?!?




Damn! it's a good thing this real historical character was so knowledgeable about this fictional town and its fictional inhabitants!

(And given that Bridger died in 1881, and assuming that Jed Bailey was at least 20 when he "ran" the local paper, Bailey must be at least 87 years old for this story--likely older!!)

Anyway, Kid and Steve spend the next 3 pages--3 pages!!--exploring secret passages and trap doors and hidden tunnels and cemeteries. The "highlights"?


The colorist could have done a better job on that panel, no? Because it looks like the whole damn wall is "gold!"

Anyway...

How to protect themselves from that phantom weapon?

"Crusaders"!

Leaving aside whether "crusaders"--which crusade?--are "fighters for justice," did you seriously summon these guys from the afterlife just to borrow their armor?!?

Yep.
You know, I'm willing to bet that a lot of crusader armor wasn't too "bullet-proof." But who am I to say?

Well, since he can't shoot 'em, Jed decides to use fire to trap them in the secret tunnel!


And it works!


So Kid calls...

Alfred Nobel!! Congratulations, Alfred, this is your second summons!!

Of course, Kid only loves you for your dynamite!

Cue the special effects budget!


Well, that's all wrapped up. But we haven't actually explained anything yet! And we have less than 1 page left in the story! Hurry!! It time for Coincidence Theater and Exposition Dump!


So it was just a rifle with a silencer, and a flashlight taped to it? Clever enough, i suppose, but disappointingly prosaic.

But where did he get it? More exposition, please!

Ah, Jed escaped from the asylum!

He's from an asylum, so multiple murders and arson are OK!!

There's just one panel left!! Quick, sheriff--one last bit of exposition!!

My god how ridiculously convenient and unlikely but everything's wrapped up THE END!!

Whew, out of breath from that rushed finale!! Anyway, this was the 70th Kid Eternity story, and our standing are:

Mercury 5
Achilles 4
Holmes, Sherlock 4
Atlas 3
Bunyan, Paul 3
Corbett, Jim 3
Houdini, Harry 3
Leander 3
Porthos 3
Robin Hood 3
Samson 3
Thor 3
Washington, George 3
Antony, Marc 2
Aramis 2
Arthur, King 2
Athos 2
Bertillon, Alphonse 2
Bucephalus 2
Byron, George Gordon 2
Cody, “Buffalo” Bill 2
Columbus, Christopher 2
D'artagnan 2
de Bergerac, Cyrano 2
Ericson, Leif 2
Geronimo 2
Hercules 2
Javert 2
Jove 2
Khan, Genghis 2
Leonidas 2
Lister, Joseph 2
Milo Of Croton 2
Neanderthal 2
Nobel, Alfred 2
Nobody 2
Nostradamus 2
Pheidippides 2
Rin-Tin-Tin 2
Rogers' Rangers 2
Silver, Long John 2
Steinmetz, Charles 2
Sullivan, John L. 2
Webster, Daniel 2
Abu 1
Adam 1
Apollo 1
Arnold, Benedict 1
Astor, John Jacob 1
Attila The Hun 1
Attucks, Crispin 1
Baker, Lafayette 1
Barry's father 1
Barton, Clara 1
Bernhardt, Sarah 1
Blackhawk 1
Bloodhounds (Legree's) 1
Bluebeard 1
Bolivar, Simon 1
Boone, Daniel 1
Bowie, Jim 1
Boyd, Belle 1
Brady, Diamond Jim 1
Breitbart, Zishe 1
Bridger, Jim 1
British Tank crew 1
Caesar, Octavian 1
Cagliostro, Alessandro 1
Calhoun, John C. 1
Canary, Martha “Calamity” 1
Cannon, John W. 1
Capulet, Juliet 1
Carden, Foster 1
Carpenter, Daniel 1
Cave Man 1
Cherry Sisters 1
Christian, Fletcher 1
Clancy, Patrick 1
Cleopatra 1
Colt, Samuel 1
Corcoran, Peter 1
Crockett, Davy 1
Cronson, Gerald 1
Crusaders 1
Crusoe, Robinson 1
Custer, George Armstrong 1
d'Aubigny. Julie 1
Daedalus 1
Dagger Dan 1
Davis, Richard Harding 1
de Leon, Ponce 1
de Rais, Gilles 1
Decatur, Stephen 1
Discus Thrower 1
Dockstader, Lew 1
Dracula 1
Drake, Sir Francis 1
Dupin, C. Auguste 1
Edison, Thomas 1
Emery 1
Fagin 1
Fairbanks, Douglas Sr. 1
Faraday, Michael 1
Fink, Mike 1
Frankenstein's Monster 1
Franklin, Ben 1
Galahad 1
Goliath 1
Gotch, Frank 1
Gothicus, Claudius 1
Grant, Ulysses S. 1
Graymalkin 1
Greb, Harry 1
Griffiths, Albert 1
Gulliver, Lemuel 1
Hamilton, Alexander 1
Hatfield, John 1
Hathorne, John 1
Hauser, Kaspar 1
Henry, Patrick 1
Hermann, Alexander 1
Hickathrift, Tom 1
Hickok, Wild Bill 1
Hippocrates 1
Hodges, Joe 1
Hopkins, Matthew 1
Horatius Cocles 1
Houston, Sam 1
Hyde, Edward 1
Hyer, Tom 1
Ikhnaton 1
Ismail, Yusuf 1
Jackson, Andrew 1
James, Jesse 1
Jeffries, Jim 1
Johnson, Martin 1
Jones, John Paul 1
Kamehameha 1
Kidd, William 1
Lafayette, General 1
Lancelot 1
Larsen, Wolf 1
Laughing Cavalier 1
Laveran, Charles 1
Lee, Robert E. 1
Legree, Simon 1
Light Brigade 1
Lincoln, Abraham 1
Marable, Fate 1
Marshall, John 1
Masterson, Bat 1
Merlin 1
Mesmer, Franz 1
Minutemen 1
Mix, Tom 1
Montague, Romeo 1
Montezuma 1
Morgan, Henry 1
Mounties 1
Mulgrew, Jason 1
Murphy, Charles 1
Napoleon 1
Nation, Carrie 1
Nefertiti 1
Neptune 1
Nightingale, Florence 1
Noah 1
North Wind 1
O'Brien, David 1
Oakley, Annie 1
Og 1
Orpheus 1
Osceola 1
Paddock, Charley 1
Pasteur, Louis 1
Penelope 1
Perseus 1
Pied Piper 1
Pinkerton, Allan 1
Plastic Man 1
Pocahontas 1
Post, Wiley 1
Prometheus 1
Quixote, Don 1
Revere, Paul 1
Richard the LionHeart 1
Robespierre, Maximilien 1
Roc 1
Röntgen, Wilhelm 1
Russell, Lillian 1
Rustum 1
Ryan, Paddy 1
Sandow, Eugen 1
Sayers, Tom 1
Schleyer, Johann 1
Serra, Junipero 1
Siegfried 1
Skunk, Jimmy 1
Socrates 1
Solomon 1
Stanley, Henry 1
Stogie 1
Tecumseh 1
Tell, William 1
Thalfi 1
Thumb, Tom 1
Thurston, Howard 1
Tiglath IV 1
Tuck, Friar 1
Tut-ankh-amen 1
Twain, Mark 1
Ulysses 1
Uncas 1
Valjean, Jean 1
Vercingetorix 1
Villa, Pancho 1
Villon, Francois 1
von Helmholtz, Hermann 1
Vulcan 1
Watson, John H 1
Whittington, Richard 1
Xanthippe 1
Zbyzko, Stanislaus 1

NEXT--Once again, the hills are alive--with the sound of MURDER!!

From Hit Comics #54 (1948)

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