Wednesday, August 1, 2018

Dial E For Eternity--Kid Eternity Vs. The Planet Of The Apes!!

No lies--this isn't just the bestest Kid Eternity story ever,,,it the bestest comic book story ever!!

It takes a while for Kid to get involved--because first we have SCIENCE--Golden Age science!!

See, I bet you never realized what the hell was going on every single time you gazed in the mirror. Well, Hans Von Kelm is about to show you!

"The linear curves of space"! SCIENCE!!

"The convexity of the spatial line!" SCIENCE!!



So if the mirror isn't a mirror any more, what is it?


Uh-oh...


You say that like it's a good thing, doc!


OMG, he talks!!!!!!!

Well, apparently the bureaucracy in Eternity has gotten a lot more streamlined, because Von Kelm is only dead a couple of minutes before he goes screaming for...



Kid and Keeper are skeptical...until they head down to his lab and find:

How to stop the invasion of talking interdimensional apes?


Perseus!!

Unfortunately, while he's pretty good at killing gorgons, Perseus is crap at killing talking interdimensional apes...

Kid's not having much more luck...

But how?



Wait--now they're telepathic talking interdimensional apes!! OMG!

Good one, Kid!!

But Perseus is still in trouble!





Smash the mirror, Tommy Kid Eternity!!

Time for theorizing...

SCIENCE!!!!

But Dr. Zaius hasn't gone far...



Well, he tracks down Von Kelm's rival...

The monkey-man is a bit homicidal...


Well, everyone knows that the only person who can track down telepathic talking interdimensional apes is...

Nostradamus!! This is his second summoning!!

And he's quite helpful...

But are they too late?


OMG, this story is so good, it's like they filmed my dreams!

But if you can't stab them or shoot them, whom do you call to conk these beasts on the head?

Generic Neanderthal!!



But Dr. Zauis gets away--again!




Wow, thank heavens that happened off screen!

Time for more theorizing!

So, their world became uninhabitable when, for example, a talking human set off a doomsday nuclear device that shattered their planet? Just for example...

Meanwhile, back in Eternity...


Wait wait WAIT!!!

Keeper knows the future?!? How?!?

And if history is preordained, why did you bother stopping the telepathic talking interdimensional apes from invading? They couldn't have succeeded anyway, if it's all set, right?!?!

And if Keeper is correct, someone who is turning 30 this year is going to solve the problems of the linear curves of space-time, and we could be facing another invasion of telepathic talking interdimensional apes!! We're doomed!!

This was the 45th Kid Eternity story, and here are our standings:

Achilles 4
Mercury 4
Atlas 3
Corbett, Jim 3
Leander 3
Antony, Marc 2
Arthur, King 2
Bunyan, Paul 2
Byron, George Gordon 2
Cody, “Buffalo” Bill 2
Columbus, Christopher 2
D'artagnan 2
Ericson, Leif 2
Hercules 2
Holmes, Sherlock 2
Houdini 2
Lister, Joseph 2
Milo Of Croton 2
Nostradamus 2
Porthos 2
Rin-Tin-Tin 2
Robin Hood 2
Samson 2
Silver, Long John 2
Sullivan, John L. 2
Washington, George 2
Webster, Daniel 2
Abu 1
Aramis 1
Arnold, Benedict 1
Astor, John Jacob 1
Athos 1
Attila The Hun 1
Attucks, Crispin 1
Baker, Lafayette 1
Barry's father 1
Barton, Clara 1
Bernhardt, Sarah 1
Bertillon, Alphonse 1
Blackhawk 1
Bluebeard 1
Bolivar, Simon 1
Boone, Daniel 1
Bowie, Jim 1
Boyd, Belle 1
Brady, Diamond Jim 1
Breitbart, Zishe 1
Bucephalus 1
Caesar, Octavian 1
Cagliostro, Alessandro 1
Calhoun, John C. 1
Canary, Martha “Calamity” 1
Cannon, John W. 1
Capulet, Juliet 1
Carden, Foster 1
Carpenter, Daniel 1
Cherry Sisters 1
Clancy, Patrick 1
Cleopatra 1
Colt, Samuel 1
Crockett, Davy 1
Cronson, Gerald 1
Crusoe, Robinson 1
Custer, George Armstrong 1
de Bergerac, Cyrano 1
de Leon, Ponce 1
de Rais, Gilles 1
Decatur, Stephen 1
Discus Thrower 1
Dockstader, Lew 1
Dracula 1
Drake, Sir Francis 1
Dupin, C. Auguste 1
Edison, Thomas 1
Emery 1
Frankenstein's Monster 1
Franklin, Ben 1
Galahad 1
Geronimo 1
Gotch, Frank 1
Gothicus, Claudius 1
Grant, Ulysses S. 1
Greb, Harry 1
Griffiths, Albert 1
Hamilton, Alexander 1
Hatfield, John 1
Hauser, Kaspar 1
Henry, Patrick 1
Hermann, Alexander 1
Hickathrift, Tom 1
Hickok, Wild Bill 1
Hippocrates 1
Hopkins, Matthew 1
Houston, Sam 1
Hyde, Edward 1
Hyer, Tom 1
Jackson, Andrew 1
James, Jesse 1
Javert 1
Jeffries, Jim 1
Jones, John Paul 1
Jove 1
Khan, Genghis 1
Kidd, William 1
Lafayette, General 1
Lancelot 1
Laughing Cavalier 1
Lee, Robert E. 1
Legree, Simon 1
Leonidas 1
Light Brigade 1
Lincoln, Abraham 1
Marable, Fate 1
Masterson, Bat 1
Minutemen 1
Mix, Tom 1
Montague, Romeo 1
Montezuma 1
Morgan, Henry 1
Mulgrew, Jason 1
Murphy, Charles 1
Napoleon 1
Nation, Carrie 1
Neanderthal 1
Nightingale, Florence 1
Noah 1
Nobel, Alfred 1
Nobody 1
O'Brien, David 1
Oakley, Annie 1
Og 1
Osceola 1
Paddock, Charley 1
Penelope 1
Perseus 1
Pheidippides 1
Pinkerton, Allan 1
Plastic Man 1
Post, Wiley 1
Prometheus 1
Quixote, Don 1
Revere, Paul 1
Richard the LionHeart 1
Robespierre, Maximilien 1
Rogers' Rangers 1
Russell, Lillian 1
Rustum 1
Ryan, Paddy 1
Sandow, Eugen 1
Sayers, Tom 1
Schleyer, Johann 1
Siegfried 1
Skunk, Jimmy 1
Socrates 1
Solomon 1
Tecumseh 1
Tell, William 1
Thalfi 1
Thor 1
Thumb, Tom 1
Thurston, Howard 1
Tiglath IV 1
Tuck, Friar 1
Tut-ankh-amen 1
Twain, Mark 1
Ulysses 1
Uncas 1
Vercingetorix 1
Villa, Pancho 1
Villon, Francois 1
Vulcan 1
Xanthippe 1
Zbyzko, Stanislaus 1


NEXT--Kid Eternity Vs. The Mole Man!!

From Hit Comics #49 (1947)

4 comments:

  1. Hokey smokes, you weren't kidding! what a great KID ETERNITY story! And as always, your commentary is the only possibly improvement on the comic. I love that you keep trying to figure out the theological/narrative rules of Eternity even though it's clearly hopeless. (Now Keeper knows the future, and it's apparently preordained? That changes everything! And I bet we never hear about it again!)

    ReplyDelete
  2. So do the interdimensional apes have their own eternity? I notice they didn't show up in ours after they bought the farm.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Did physicist Hans Von Kelm create a Boom Tube? Note the sound effect in that panel.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Smurf--Could be. We've seen Kid summon non-humans & animals before. Perhaps each dimension has their own Eternity. Which has given me inspiration for the second arc in my Kid Eternity And The Legion Of Super-Heroes project...

    Andy--could be!

    ReplyDelete