We start, not with the usual Kid and Keeper lollygagging about, but with the oddest version of Strangers On A Train that you'll ever see:
It's at this point that our heroes become involved, because BOOKKEEPING!!
We haven't discussed the theology of Eternity for awhile, but how the heck does this work?? We know that everyone is destined to die at a certain time. Sure, Kid was taken 75 years early, but that was because of mistaken divine interference.
So, if it is predestined, how can Dan Doldrum die 40 years early? Is "the book" only a suggestion? Does everyone who has a little brush with peril get this kind of excited attention? Can anyone die "early"? Is there lots (and lots) of heavenly intervention to keep the "records" accurate?
Or is it all predestined, and Doldrum would have survived anyway had Kid not taken an interest?
Food for thought, as Kid gets there a bit late:
Not to worry, though, as Kid call upon...
And, she's into this post-death Tinder kind of thing!!
But Dan is still not satisfied!!
Now, from his clothing, I'm assuming that this is the first John Jacob Astor (1763-1848), America's earliest multi-millionaire, and not one of his descendants, like his great-grandson John Jacob Astor IV, who was also mega-wealthy, and died on the Titanic.
Now, I'm not sure how much I trust a guy whose been dead for a hundred years to give me modern investing advice, but hey, all's well that ends well!!
What?!? That was only 4 pages?!? 11 more to go?? WTF?!?!
Obviously, my concern about Astor's advice was wrong because Wall Street has a new darling:
Not everyone is pleased with Doldrum's successes:
He acts quickly...
...which sends all of Eternity into another tizzy!!
And also again, Kid is late...
But Grenade does lead everyone back to his bosses, because as we covered earlier, WORST HIT-MAN EVER.
It turns out our villains had a devious master plan!
Ah well...
Maybe it's just a shitty job of sound-proofing. Or maybe The Powers That Be fixed that little flaw in Kid's powers. Whatever, let's give a warm welcome to:
Unfortunately, while Achilles makes short work of most of the punks...
MAYBE DON'T SUMMON SOMEONE WITH THE SECOND-MOST FAMOUS VULNERABILITY IN HISTORY!!!!
Also...he bit his heel?!?! Biting?!?! Ewwww....
But one man can stop them from escaping!
WHAT?!?! We still have 3 more pages?!?! Dammit!!
What plot complications are left?!?
But at least he still has Cleopatra, right?!?
Goodbye, glamorous love!!
But...
The moral:
And the most important thing of all?
This was the 35th Kid Eternity story, so our standings are:
| Achilles | 4 |
| Mercury | 4 |
| Atlas | 3 |
| Corbett, Jim | 3 |
| Leander | 3 |
| Antony, Marc | 2 |
| Arthur, King | 2 |
| Bunyan, Paul | 2 |
| Cody, “Buffalo” Bill | 2 |
| D'artagnan | 2 |
| Ericson, Leif | 2 |
| Hercules | 2 |
| Holmes, Sherlock | 2 |
| Houdini | 2 |
| Milo Of Croton | 2 |
| Porthos | 2 |
| Robin Hood | 2 |
| Samson | 2 |
| Sullivan, John L. | 2 |
| Washington, George | 2 |
| Abu | 1 |
| Aramis | 1 |
| Arnold, Benedict | 1 |
| Astor, John Jacob | 1 |
| Athos | 1 |
| Attila The Hun | 1 |
| Attucks, Crispin | 1 |
| Baker, Lafayette | 1 |
| Barry's father | 1 |
| Barton, Clara | 1 |
| Bernhardt, Sarah | 1 |
| Bertillon, Alphonse | 1 |
| Blackhawk | 1 |
| Bluebeard | 1 |
| Bolivar, Simon | 1 |
| Boone, Daniel | 1 |
| Breitbart, Zishe | 1 |
| Bucephalus | 1 |
| Byron, George Gordon | 1 |
| Caesar, Octavian | 1 |
| Cagliostro, Alessandro | 1 |
| Canary, Martha “Calamity” | 1 |
| Cannon, John W. | 1 |
| Carden, Foster | 1 |
| Cherry Sisters | 1 |
| Clancy, Patrick | 1 |
| Cleopatra | 1 |
| Colt, Samuel | 1 |
| Columbus | 1 |
| Cronson, Gerald | 1 |
| Crusoe, Robinson | 1 |
| Custer, George Armstrong | 1 |
| de Leon, Ponce | 1 |
| Decatur, Stephen | 1 |
| Discus Thrower | 1 |
| Dockstader, Lew | 1 |
| Dracula | 1 |
| Drake, Sir Francis | 1 |
| Dupin, C. Auguste | 1 |
| Edison, Thomas | 1 |
| Emery | 1 |
| Frankenstein's Monster | 1 |
| Galahad | 1 |
| Gotch, Frank | 1 |
| Gothicus, Claudius | 1 |
| Grant, Ulysses S. | 1 |
| Greb, Harry | 1 |
| Griffiths, Albert | 1 |
| Hatfield, John | 1 |
| Hauser, Kaspar | 1 |
| Henry, Patrick | 1 |
| Hickathrift, Tom | 1 |
| Hickok, Wild Bill | 1 |
| Hippocrates | 1 |
| Hopkins, Matthew | 1 |
| Hyde, Edward | 1 |
| Hyer, Tom | 1 |
| Jackson, Andrew | 1 |
| Javert | 1 |
| Jeffries, Jim | 1 |
| Jones, John Paul | 1 |
| Jove | 1 |
| Khan, Genghis | 1 |
| Kidd, William | 1 |
| Lafayette, General | 1 |
| Lancelot | 1 |
| Laughing Cavalier | 1 |
| Lee, Robert E. | 1 |
| Leonidas | 1 |
| Lincoln, Abraham | 1 |
| Lister, Joseph | 1 |
| Marable, Fate | 1 |
| Masterson, Bat | 1 |
| Mix, Tom | 1 |
| Mulgrew, Jason | 1 |
| Murphy, Charles | 1 |
| Napoleon | 1 |
| Nation, Carrie | 1 |
| Nightingale, Florence | 1 |
| Noah | 1 |
| Nobody | 1 |
| Nostradamus | 1 |
| O'Brien, David | 1 |
| Og | 1 |
| Osceola | 1 |
| Paddock, Charley | 1 |
| Penelope | 1 |
| Pheidippides | 1 |
| Pinkerton, Allan | 1 |
| Plastic Man | 1 |
| Prometheus | 1 |
| Quixote, Don | 1 |
| Revere, Paul | 1 |
| Richard the LionHeart | 1 |
| Rin-Tin-Tin | 1 |
| Robespierre, Maximilien | 1 |
| Russell, Lillian | 1 |
| Rustum | 1 |
| Ryan, Paddy | 1 |
| Sandow, Eugen | 1 |
| Schleyer, Johann | 1 |
| Siegfried | 1 |
| Silver, Long John | 1 |
| Skunk, Jimmy | 1 |
| Socrates | 1 |
| Solomon | 1 |
| Tell, William | 1 |
| Thalfi | 1 |
| Thor | 1 |
| Thurston, Howard | 1 |
| Tiglath IV | 1 |
| Tut-ankh-amen | 1 |
| Twain, Mark | 1 |
| Ulysses | 1 |
| Uncas | 1 |
| Vercingetorix | 1 |
| Villa, Pancho | 1 |
| Vulcan | 1 |
| Webster, Daniel | 1 |
| Xanthippe | 1 |
| Zbyzko, Stanislaus | 1 |
NEXT--Lin-Manuel Miranda wishes his version of Hamilton were this good!!
From Kid Eternity #5 (1947)
Kid Eternity also secretly summoned BURNE HOGARTH (not dead then), who provided all those nifty swipes of semi-naked guys in action.
ReplyDeleteBAMBO! Best sound effect lettering job ever.
ReplyDelete