EXCLUSIVE--Rejected Script From DC's Doomsday Clock!!

As we all know, both the UN Security Council and the Illuminati have banned me from writing comic books.

Still, I feel compelled from time to time to try and sneak some things through the anti-snell firewall.

Case in point--DC's forthcoming Doomsday Clock, which will feature Geoff Johns giving every fan what they've always wanted: Alan's Moore's beloved Watchmen characters explaining why it's not Geoff John's fault that the nu52 sucked really hard.

On the sly, I submitted a script. Of course, despite a jaunty pseudonym, I couldn't disguise my writing style, and the script was swiftly rejected. And shredded. And burned.

Still, I had the foresight to save a copy. So here is a crucial scene from the 1st issue of my proposal for Doomsday Clock.

DOCTOR MANHATTAN: Behold, Kal-El, I have come to--

SUPERMAN: Hold on a second...you're just a Captain Atom knock-off!

RORSCHACH: Hrrrmmm.

BATMAN: And this guys just Travis Bickle meets The Question. Seriously, how can characters so derivative be a threat to our universe?

BOOSTER GOLD (whispers to SKEETS): Yeah, like those Metal "Dark Multiverse" Batmen weren't derivative...

OZYMANDIAS: I think you're underestimating the sheer genius I bring to the table!

BATMAN: Some genius. You kept your entire masterplan--unencrypted!!--on a computer with the password Ramses II. I mean, how stupid was that? Even the lame Nite Owl was able to crack that!

NITE OWL: Now wait just one--

FLASH: Who are you even supposed to be, anyway? Are you Batman, are you Blue Beetle...?

BOOSTER GOLD: I knew Ted Kord. I worked with Ted Kord. You, sir are no Ted Kord.

DOCTOR MANHATTAN: Listen, men of Earth-0. We successfully deconstructed the super-hero genre on our Earth, and now--

HAL JORDAN (Makes raspberry sound): Please. You had one person with super-powers in the entire universe. Even the earliest Golden Age publishers had more than that. All you "deconstructed" was the Charlton universe, and, well, there's a reason that failed multiple times!!

OZYMANDIAS: I think you're overlooking how brilliantly I manipulated the world into peace!!

SUPERMAN: Congratulations. You invented fake news. Well done. We already have enough of that here.

BATMAN: Don't forget the thousands and thousands of deaths he's responsible for. Which he conveniently didn't have to pay any price for.

RORSCHACH: Soon you will come to us for help. And we will look down and whisper--

FLASH: Don't you idiots realize that you're the villains? You're. The. Bad. Guys. You screwed up your tiny little universe with one planet and only one guy with powers. You couldn't handle even that much, so you took your world to the brink of annihilation, killing millions--and you want extra credit for that? Get bent.

DOCTOR MANHATTAN (clearing his throat loudly): A-HEM. As I was saying, we have come to... [drones on in background]

BATMAN (whispers to SUPERMAN): Keep him talking. My tachyon suit is almost ready. I'll take care of him.

BOOSTER GOLD: (whispering to SKEETS): Yeah, as long as Doc Manhattan doesn't have a mother named Martha...

Well, it just goes on like for 12 issues.

I wonder why they rejected it?