The Haneyverse, Chapter 3--Spielberg & Lucas Owe Bob Haney A Lot Of Money!

It is one of the facts of the universe that every single pop culture idea of the past 60 years has been ripped off from Bob Haney. Haney did it first, folks.

Let's take Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade.

Our hero is approached by a gorgeous blonde archeologist...

(Dr. Ingrid BORG?!?! Great, now Star Trek is ripping of Haney...)

...and, thinking with his nether regions, our hero joins her on her quest...

......to get into an impenetrable fortress and claim an artifact that grants eternal life.

So, nothing at all like Haney's story here.

Also, Lois Lane in Man Of Steel talked just like she does here:

"I'm a Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter!" "I am a noted archeologist!" Haney women (and the women in movies that rip off Haney) don't do humble brag--they go straight to "gratuitous résumé blurt"!

Anyway, to continue our story, Indiana Jones Scott Free obtains the immortal life-granting totem for Elsa Schneider Ingrid Borg, and then it comes time to turn on him:

Ladies: make sure you ask your high school guidance counselors why they never told you that "hired adventuress" was a career option...man, even Tomb Raider ripped off Haney...

So she kills him...

...except Haney just makes up a new super-power for Mister Miracle:

So "lightning reflexes" means "moves as fast as The Flash"???

Which of course leads to...

Ah, well. The irony of dying just as you've obtained the item that grants eternal life is not at all like what happened in the third Indiana Jones movie...not a thing.

Disney, get those royalty checks in the mail...

BONUS: Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull makes a hell of a lot more sense if you think of it as a Bob Haney story...

From The Brave And The Bold #112 (1974)