The Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame, Brought To You By Hostess

You know, aside from News Kids On The Block, there are three things I love more than anything else:

*Comic Book rock bands
*Compressed storytelling
*Hostess products

Well, folks, you're about to get all three.

For those not young enough to remember, in the late 70s and early 80s, just about every Marvel and DC comic featured an ad where, in the space of a single page, one of their heroes prevented nefarious villains from doing nefarious thinks by giving them Hostess snacks.

Yes, really.

And while the stories were often childish and poorly (if not bizarrely) written, they were usually drawn by some of the companies' regular artists, and they did feature our favorite heroes. And, most amazingly in this era of decompressed writing for the trades, they featured an actual story (sort of) that was done in one page.

I'm telling you, if DC and/or Marvel were to put out a trade of these things, I would buy it in a heartbeat. Until then, I heartily endorse this site, where Seanbaby provides virtually every superhero Hostess ad ever, along with detailed analysis therein.

But there's one we need to analyze more closely, as true nirvana is reached when you combine the insanity of the Hostess ads with the joyous rapture of faux comic book rock:

You can click to embiggen if you like, but allow me to provide you a guided tour.

First, allow them to set up the story, as "The Three Bottles," who are absolutely no relation to the Four Tops, perform with a new keyboardist:

Then, Batman provides us some exposition, while also laying out his theory of the case:

So, we've gotten more done in two panels than most comics get done in 2 issues these days. I'm just sayin'.

Oh, and please, please please note the musicians who have disappeared: Rich Jaggard, Jim Colorado and Elfish Hipsley.

Oh, subtlety, thy name is Hostess ads.

Fortunately, in the very next panel, we learn the Muse's deadly (?) secret:

....OK. Insane. I grant you that. But more insane than your avergae Bob Haney script? You decide.

Fortunately, Batman isn't phased by the sight of living people being transformed into musical notes and sucked into a synthesizer. Plus, one of the pouches on his utility belt is clearly for snack items:

So once again a sweet tooth is the villain's downfall, as it was in 100% of these ads. Thus enterprises of great pitch and moment see their currents turn awry:

And then, in the capstone, one of the greatest moments in comic book history--The Four Tops The Three Bottles, Mick Jagger Rich Jaggard, Bob Denver Jim Colorado and Elvis Presley Elfish Hipsley sing a rock and roll tribute to Hostess Cup Cakes.

Do you see why I turned out the way I did? Because how could anything, in any other medium, ever come close to that?

This ad was in Hercules Unbound #8 (1976/1977), and surely in many, many other DC Comics as well.