Manic Monday--Archie Andrews NEVER Ran A Prostitution Ring...Really!!

Really, there has never been anything remotely lewd or licentious about Archie. Really.

OK, there was that one time Archie got himself a speeding ticket, and had no way to pay it.

Then, young Mr. Andrews notices the way boys have been reacting to Betty...

And a snarky, jealous put-down...

...leads to the greatest idea ever:

Yes, Archie Andrew's is running Riverdale's first escort service!!

Oh, don't worry, nothing too tawdry happens. In fact, due to Jughead's comical mix-ups, the first hook-up for "Heart's Desire" (yes, that's its name...it even sounds like a prostitution ring!) happens to be a disguised Archie and...

Miss Grundy! (In her first ever appearance!!)

Relax, it's all very G-rated. Although maybe, just maybe, we're veering a little too close to Law & Order: SVU territory:

Fortunately for all our mental health, this particular teacher/student tryst is never consummated...

From Pep Comics #30 (1942).