Marvel 2005 Week--Incredible Hulk #85!!

Remember that one time in 2005, when we had the best President ever?

What the...??

Oh, yeah.

You can't discuss Marvel 2005 without discussing the House Of M event. Which, just to be random, would have been much cooler if it was House Of Monkeys, a reality show starring Hugh Laurie doctoring to a tribe of super-powered apes. Sigh.

But for those who've blacked out the pain, House Of M was an event wherein the Scarlet Witch, who used to point her hands at things to make boxes fall apart before the bad guy could throw them, essentially became the world's biggest cosmic cube, and remade all of reality into a world where mutants dominate. Hey, Wanda, haven't you seen the comics racks? We were already there...

Anyway, aside from the House Of M mini-series proper, most of the Marvel series played along, either by running House Of M miniseries of their own, or running HoM stories in the series proper for an issue or two. And Incredible Hulk jumped into the deep end, devoting 4 regular series issues to the adventures of Bruce Banner in the HoM universe.

And who created this?

Ahhh, Peter David. You just can't keep him away from the Hulk, can you? After his nearly-decade-long run, he comes back for a year, sandwiched between Bruce Jones' run and the Planet Hulk stuff. And he throws himself into this House Of M stuff with gusto.

First of all, Hulk is the president...of Australia.

Mutants rule the world, and the government of Australia (Exodus, Pyro, the Vanisher) were particularly oppressive, rounding up and exterminating uncooperative humans. At the same time, Bruce Banner is hanging with an aborigine tribe in the outback (the one that doesn't have Bloomin' Onions). They have adopted him as one of their own as he is learning to be at piece with himself--hence, the snake tattoo. Obviously, there's going to be a clash, as the evil government forces chase some mutants into native territory. Bruce Hulks out, and ends up teaming with Monica Rappacini, leader of A.I.M., and her daughter, the new Scorpion, to oust the mutant and take over Australia. Which become the sole human-run government in the world, and a refuge for the growing exodus of humans who want to get away from mutant rule. And that's only the first two issues...phew...

And that scene with Hulk freaking out over paperwork? Didn't really happen...

What? Bruce Banner in bed?? With a woman?? Well, yeah...but he's still as broody as hell:

But, when you're knocking boots with a hot evil scientist, AND it turns out its not the first time you've hooked up, well, I guess there are some advantages of a re-worked reality.


Meanwhile, Scorpion finds some of her moms goons rousting a human refugee...


Man, A.I.M. gets to dress a lot better in this universe. No beekeeper suits?!?

Anyway, we find out not everything is wonderful at the heart of Hulk's outback paradise:

Now, some scenes of a man who can't be bothered to put on a shirt while ruling a country:

And when the world's mutant governments are refusing to trade with Australia?? Bruce breaks out the diplomacy.

You know, for a guy who's constantly moaning about what hell it is to be the Hulk, Bruce is sure willing to play the Hulk card an awful lot...

Yet when his advisers suggest that the people would like the Hulk to make an occasional appearance, Bruce flips out:

But, when Scorpion comes to him with tales of evil experiments, Bruce goes undercover with her to investigate. And again, for a guy who likes to whine that a "stubbed toe" could set off the "atomic bomb" inside of him, Bruce sure likes to put himself in situations where that stubbed toe is damned likely. Ahh, the screwed up psychology of Robert Bruce Banner...

They discover the cliched hidden entrance to evil labs...

And after a couple of pages of "humorous banter," they find the mother lode:

Yes, Hulk's girlfriend, the leader of an evil scientific organization, is performing evil science. Who woulda thought??!? I mean, building a cyborg army out of unwilling refugees isn't that evil, is it...?

I've been skipping over a lot of David's trademark funny stuff, so let's take a look:

Haha, because alarm klaxons that are easy to ignore would be a good thing, right, Bruce?? But, despite all his earlier reservations, Banner throws himself right into Hulk smash mode:





And as he confronts the head scientist at the complex:



And of course, because it's Peter David, we can't help but end the issue on a joke:

Hahahahaha, it's funny because she's making a pop-culture cliche reference to a ten year old movie, which is obviously still hilarious to David...and it's a movie which probably would never have been made in this universe (we'll learn elsewhere that man reached the moon in 1955 in this universe, and the program was never named Apollo, and...)!!! Hahahahaha!!!

Then again, it's probably a fitting final line, because House Of M ends with the world's biggest re-set button being pushed (unless you were a mutant), and none of it will have any repercussions, and it will all have never happened, and Peter David will leave as soon as House Of M is over, so since none of it matters, why bother to come up with an original or funny joke--or even one that makes sense??

That's what you get from publishing an "event" that is functionally only a big-ass issue of What If?--it's pretty hard to care.

Beware--there will be more House Of M later this week...

ELSEWHERE IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE:

Or, actually, in another alternate universe...

I always liked Tony Bedard's run of Exiles, because man, could he go nuts. In this issue, the Exiles team helps Curt Connors' Science Squad (Connors, Tony Stark, Hank Pym, and Boilvar Trask) on Earth-3752 use the giant mecha Red Ronin to fight Fin Fang Foom.

And there's no re-set button in sight.