Yesterday we saw that Hank Pym was being a little more unstable than usual, lashing out at the Giant-Man fan club and sneaking into East Berlin in one of the more ridiculous disguises possible.
But you see, there's a reason for this odd behavior: his buddy has been captured as a spy.
But wait--there's more:
So, after skulking around completely inconspicuously, Pym realizes that this is no job for Giant-Man!!
Wait a minute...can Pym speak German ant??
Oh, well then.
Now, you might want to be sitting down, because we're about to get the big reveal on what the commie secret weapon is. Are you bracing yourselves? Seriously, you are so not ready for this...
What??
Yes, the Red secret weapon is...monkeys who can read.
Hmmm...can I just say that this army isn't that formidable...they don't have guns, they don't have superpowers. Nick Fury could take down a whole platoon of them with as single "WAHOO!!!" Hell, even Hank Pym could take one down!!
See? But what about 6?? (And where, exactly, do they find all of these gorillas in East Berlin?? Must be from Octopussy's circus...)
Ahh, you mean the time for cowardice, don't you, Hank??
Anyway, Pym has (somehow) deduced the solution to this gorilla crisis. Hang on folks, because it's time for Marvel Science, Pym Style!!
Wow, he didn't even have to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow--the machine just happens to work the opposite on humans!!! Lucky guess, or brilliant discovery? You make the call!!
Fortunately, Pym is now able to destroy the way, and it turns out the effect was only temporary. The world is safe!! Now Giant-Man and his pal just have to escape from East Berlin. How, you ask?
MR. PYM, TEAR DOWN THAT WALL!!!
Wow, that makes me all warm inside. How about you, Lee Kearns?!?
Bonus panel: The Wasp psychoanalyzes her boyfriend:
No, Jan, it's because he's an unstable, self-absorbed emotional recluse who will beat you...hey, wait a minute, what did she mean by "first wife?!?!" Pym wouldn't marry Janet for years yet!! Was there some secret second marriage we didn't know about?!?!?!?
So that's Pym--unstable and broody, even back then. But at least he could beat up commie super-intelligent gorillas and talk with German ants...
This Tale To Astonish brought to you in issue #60, 1964, by Lee and Ayers.
But you see, there's a reason for this odd behavior: his buddy has been captured as a spy.
But wait--there's more:
So, after skulking around completely inconspicuously, Pym realizes that this is no job for Giant-Man!!
Wait a minute...can Pym speak German ant??
Oh, well then.Now, you might want to be sitting down, because we're about to get the big reveal on what the commie secret weapon is. Are you bracing yourselves? Seriously, you are so not ready for this...
What??
Yes, the Red secret weapon is...monkeys who can read.
Hmmm...can I just say that this army isn't that formidable...they don't have guns, they don't have superpowers. Nick Fury could take down a whole platoon of them with as single "WAHOO!!!" Hell, even Hank Pym could take one down!!
See? But what about 6?? (And where, exactly, do they find all of these gorillas in East Berlin?? Must be from Octopussy's circus...)
Ahh, you mean the time for cowardice, don't you, Hank??Anyway, Pym has (somehow) deduced the solution to this gorilla crisis. Hang on folks, because it's time for Marvel Science, Pym Style!!
Wow, he didn't even have to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow--the machine just happens to work the opposite on humans!!! Lucky guess, or brilliant discovery? You make the call!!Fortunately, Pym is now able to destroy the way, and it turns out the effect was only temporary. The world is safe!! Now Giant-Man and his pal just have to escape from East Berlin. How, you ask?
MR. PYM, TEAR DOWN THAT WALL!!!
Wow, that makes me all warm inside. How about you, Lee Kearns?!?
Bonus panel: The Wasp psychoanalyzes her boyfriend:
No, Jan, it's because he's an unstable, self-absorbed emotional recluse who will beat you...hey, wait a minute, what did she mean by "first wife?!?!" Pym wouldn't marry Janet for years yet!! Was there some secret second marriage we didn't know about?!?!?!?So that's Pym--unstable and broody, even back then. But at least he could beat up commie super-intelligent gorillas and talk with German ants...
This Tale To Astonish brought to you in issue #60, 1964, by Lee and Ayers.
This story aint as crazy as it sounds! Well...Pym is crazy but the story has a semblance of truth! Stalin was rumored to be working on a way to breed humans and apes...so that he could build an army of em! Have you seen the average Russian woman? He may have succeeded.
ReplyDeletePym actually did have a first wife, named Maria I believe, who was killed behind the iron curtain. Jan was a dead ringer for her.
ReplyDeleteChris--Good job...now you've got Putin pissed at us. And I thought the average Russian woman looked like Maria Sharapova...
ReplyDeleteAnon--Yes he did. But my point was, until Pym remarried, would you refer to Maria as his "first wife"? I would think you wouldn't call her "his first wife" until there was a second one, right? Otherwise, you'd just say "his wife' or "his dead wife."
Okay, so you were right -- as Giant Man, he DID still need the stupid antenna. Harumph. :-\
ReplyDeleteI'm most amazed at the guy not guessing Ant-Man was also Giant-Man.
ReplyDeleteI mean, seriously...