...Even To The Edge Of Doom

It's no secret that my favorite comic of all time is the Fantastic Four. And it's also no secret that I'm not particularly thrilled with the way that Millar and Hitch are handling my foursome.

First, there's the dour, dank and depressing art. This is the Fantastic Four, for heaven's sake!! Things should, at least on occasion, be bright and colorful, right?!? Not so. With the artwork by Bryan Hitch and assorted inkers, and colors by Paul Mounts, the Fantastic Four have become the Fotorealistic Four, or the Fairlymonochromatic Four. Everything is washed out and drab, as if photographed through a damn filter. During this run, have we had a single scene set during daylight hours? (Please don't respond--I know the answer is yes--but...). Everything takes place at night, or in dimly lit rooms, or on glum and overcast days, or in a snow storm. This is the FF, by thunder, Marvel's first family, the World's Greatest Comic Magazine, "adventurers, explorers and imaginauts"...would it kill them to at least go out in the sunshine once? To actually have some color and excitement? Just looking at the pages these days--regardless of what is happening--is damn near sleep inducing. And that stinks.

And then there are Millar's plots, which manage to be both terribly predictable and terribly boring. I think that he thinks he's being awfully clever, but he telegraphs his punchlines months ahead of time, and what he plans to be big "ta-da!" moments turn out to be "uh, we figured that out several issues ago, sir" moments. Example: in the first storyline of his run, we're given an artificial replica of Earth being created in a parallel dimension, for when our Earth becomes uninhabitable. The next storyline features the "New Defenders" come from the future, seeking refuge for the 8 billion inhabitants of depleted Earth 2509, and planning to move them all onto contemporary Earth. Now, it seems pretty obvious that you're going to give this "Nu-World" to them, right? This was clear from minute number 1, no? Apparently not, as Millar spent five issues pretending that no one could figure out the only possible resolution.

And then there is the "Death of The Invisible Woman" storyline, in which we're introduced to an elderly Susan Richards come from that future...yet somehow we're not supposed to know immediately that the future Sue is the one who is going to die, as Millar continues to give interviews pretending that it's the present-day Sue who's going to kick the bucket. Perhaps he believes his audience is too stupid to figure out the obvious answer to his silly conundrum. No stupider than the rest of the Fantastic Four, I suppose, as we're supposed to believe that none of them recognized future Sue. Apparently, someone who looks sixty bears absolutely no resemblance whatsoever to someone in their forties (must be all the dim lighting Hitch and Mounts are giving them).

But the capper came this week, as it becomes apparent that Millar has absolutely no idea how to write Doctor Doom. There's certainly room for variations, for slightly skewed takes on the good Doctor. But there's also a certain baseline, you would think.

But in this week's FF #562 (only 3 months late!!), Reed goes to visit Von Doom, who is being held in the Hague awaiting a trial for crimes against humanity:


It's obvious what Millar was trying to do here--he wants to impress us about how scary forthcoming Villain X is, by showing that even Victor is in awe of his power. Bendis tried the same tactic (and I can't believe I'm saying this, but he did it much better!) with the mysterious "figure behind the door" in Purple Reign #1.

But...but...whereas in PR Doom sat silently, here he praises villain X as his "master," as "the one who taught me everything I know." Which, of course, is never, never, never how Victor Von Doom would do it. Ever.

This is Victor Von Doom, who, when confronted with the near-infinite power of the Beyonder, didn't grovel or declare him "master"--he decided to seize that power for himself!! This is Doctor Doom, who is willing to face off against Galactus, his heralds, Mephisto. With any being of such power as Doom describes Villain X, can there be any doubt that the lord of Latveria would simply try to seize the power for himself?

And note (from Doom's origin in FF Annual #2 (1964)):


Doom clearly didn't learn "everything he knew" from Villain X (unless, of course, he had been one of the monks...hmmmm). And when Doom learned from you, he surpassed you, and became your master--not vice versa!!

And especially in front of Reed Richards--would Victor acknowledge any being to be his superior? Admit indebtedness to him for knowledge? Even as a ruse. Doom's ego wouldn't let him do that.

So thanks, Mark Millar, for reducing Doctor Doom to the Darth Vader to Villain X's Darth Sidious, for turning Marvel's greatest villain into a lackey. Well played.

Oh, and by the way...if you're holding Doom prisoner, wouldn't you at least make him take off the damned armor? Hell, let him keep the mask--although that's a pretty terrible idea:

...but for crying out loud put him in prison wear and get rid or the armor!! I'm just saying...