Thursday, September 25, 2008

Child Abuse

Ego, the Living Planet, keeps on getting larger:

Don't bend them, Franklin!!What? Once again, please...














So, Franklin Richards reads Kick Ass and Wanted?? Really?? And Reed and Sue are cool with the beheadings and rape and dismemberment etc etc etc?

Mark Millar, ladies and gentlemen--so desperate to plug his own books he'll show scenes with little children reading them. Next up--passing out copies of War Heroes to kindergartners, and unrated DVDs of Wanted to Girl Scouts.

Meanwhile, the rest of this is a SPOILER ALERT for Fantastic Four #560, so if you don't want to know the ridiculous plan the "New Defenders" have been working up to, tune out now.

Really, I'm going to SPOIL here...

So, in the future these guys build a time machine, but don't have enough power to run it. So they kick Galactus' ass, and use him to power it. But...and this is a big but...even then they only have enough power to send a few of them back...they'll establish a base in the past, and build a bigger time machine, get more power, and bring all 8 billion people from 2509 back to 2008.

This begs a few questions:

A) Dr. Doom built a time machine, which required nowhere near the power of Galactus to power (not to mention Kang, etc). Is that technology lost 500 years in the future?

B) If the "New Defenders" were powerful enough to subdue Galactus, don't you think they would have had enough power between them to power the time machine anyway? It's not like they just punched him, is it?

C) The power of Galactus is insufficient to bring back 8 billion people...but "the combined energies contained in (the Human Torch), Doom and Galactus" are enough?!? Really--do Johnny and Doom come up to more than the tiniest infinitesimal fraction of the power of Galactus? Is it reasonable to suppose that they'd be enough to tip the balance??

D) Nitpicky here, I'll admit, but "the Earth was dying and flashing like a beacon.It was only a matter of time before (Galactus) showed up." ?? Uhh, Galactus is usually attracted to vibrant worlds full of energy, not dying, resource stripped worlds as Earth 2590 is presented as...I'm just sayin'.

E) Hulk Jr, dismissing the notion that his "big machine" might be a spaceship: "...there's nowhere suitable for a million miles." Obviously, Bruce II is as deficient at astronomy as he is at time travel technology.

Special bonus points go to the Thing and She-Hulk, for not even noticing that the Baxter Building is on lockdown, including all the lighting having gone red. Perceptive, they're not...Maybe they're color blind?!?

No, Jen, it's just mood lighting...

2 comments:

  1. Thanks for reinforcing my decision to drop the Millar/Hitch F.F. run after the first issue.

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  2. Could the Time Variance Authority (or maybe Kang) have changed the rules regarding time travel? That's about the only explanation I can think of to this rather silly plot.

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