What The #$%^?--Everybody Loves Zatanna

Yesterday I discussed how Justice League of America #87 was insanely wonderful because of Batman's delusional laughing. But there was another reason this issue was so disturbingly delicious: Zatanna.

Now don't get me wrong: I love Zatanna's fishnet and top hat look as much as any other red-blooded American male. I don't get obsessive and fetishy over it, though. Unlike the male members of the JLA (not to mention writer Mike Friedrich, artist Dick Dillin and editor Julie Schwartz). Why do I say that? Because they go freakin' nuts over her this issue. NUTS!!

Let's set the scene: Superman, who's broody because he's lonely with the "curse...of superpowers," heads up to the JLA satellite to hang. And then Zatanna pops in for a visit:

Wow.

I don't want to rain on anyone's parade, but mightn't the writer be waxing just a little bit over-poetic here? Over-praising her admittedly inestimable charms? This is Zatanna, not Aphrodite, or even Angelina Jolie...

Then again, maybe that's just Friedrich (who, amazingly enough, wrote this while on summer break from UC Santa Clara, according to the Direct Currents in this issue). Surely, Superman himself would be a little more mellow. He's worked with plenty of females before. Nope, Kal-El will take it all in stride. Wrong.

Oh, dear. This would sure make Lois jealous.

"Just by being near her, I feel so comfortable...?"

Hmm, that makes me wonder just exactly what type of "magicking" Zatanna has been up to. Maybe, just maybe, she was getting and advance jump on all that magical brain-washing we found out about in Identity Crisis...hmmmm.

By the way, Superman, just for the record, where exactly is your left hand in this shot? Hmmmm...

Well, this could still be an isolated incident. The rest of the male JLAers won't act like lovestruck puppies when they see Zatanna, will they? They're all adults, they all have girlfriends or wives, they hung with females in costume before...Wrong. Very, very wrong.

Long story short, after Zatanna helps diffuse a tense standoff with an alien superhero team (which, sadly, is both very lame and has NOTHING to do with Batman being King of the World), this is what we get:

See, Ray, size doesn't matter...

Wow. I mean wow. I mean, "Amen?!?!?!" Amongst the many questions we have to ask:

• Do male DC Superheroes have to attend sexual harassment seminars?
• Think about Identity Crisis again, folks....hmmmm....nope, we're not acting overly worshipful, are we?
• Where, exactly, are Flash and Green Lantern's hands in this shot?
• What are these guys like when Wonder Woman comes to meetings?
• Why do I suspect that the post-mission debriefing on the satellite is just going to become one big Cinemax After Dark, with superpowers?
• No wonder Jean Loring went postal...

Lesson from this issue: We really need to let the guys hang around costumed women a little more, so they don't get so oddly ga-ga over a female guest-star...
Oh, and EEEYA--HAHAHA!