Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Dial E For Eternity--Captain Morgan (The Pirate, Not The Rum...Well, Actually, The Rum, Too!)!!

Well, today we have intro Type B for Kid Eternity stories: guy in Eternity requests Kid's help:

They don't give us a lot of info, but I'm assuming that this is the actual Welsh privateer Sir Henry Morgan. He's the guy Captain Morgan rum was named after!!

So what's his problem?

Someone is trying to contact him from Earth? What's up with that?!?

A seance?!?

Sadly, that panel is the last we see of our spiritualist. Which is too bad, because there are lots of story possibilities here.

First, Kid could have been the finest fake-spiritualist-debunker ever, right? Just show up and scam seances and say, "Look, this guy hasn't summoned your mother--here's your mother!!"

The second thing is--maybe this spiritualist was real? Because Henry Morgan heard them calling!! But he chose to ignore it!!

Does that mean the deceased can hear anyone calling them from Earth? Or just genuinely talented spiritualists? Can they just ignore them--or, if the spiritualist is really talented, do the deceased have to answer?!?

Unfortunately, none of that is answered here, as we instead get sucked into yet another "help the descendant find the hidden treasure" tale:

This is the second time a dead guy has put a "my descendants can collect after centuries have passed" clause into effect. Was this a common thing? Does shutting out your immediate descendants in favor of great-great-great-great-great-grandchildren really make sense?

Anyway, FINALLY, Kid is going to do the super-smart thing right off, and immediately call the dead guy and ask him directly!

Sir Henry Morgan!!

Oh, man, dissed by an ancestor!

But at least we'll get the big reveal, right?!?

Look, A) It's certainly more than possible that Henry Morgan had more than one descendant, right? True, the real Henry Morgan had no children--his will left his wealth to god-children and cousins and his sister--so maybe they're both fakers! But come on, he was a pirate!! You just know there were lots of Baby Morgans out there! They could both be right, and equally entitled!

B) Who the hell is named Diggory?!?

Well, surely Henry can resolve this, right?

Yes? Yes???

What, you expected a pirate to play nice?

But although Kid wants to take sides, Mr. Keeper advises him that you can't just assume the nicer guy is actually the true heir...

So, while the claimants pound the crap out of each other...

Daniel Webster!! This is your second appearance!! You may recall that, in his first summons, Webster proved woefully inadequate, as his outdated legal knowledge and tactics proved unable to impress a modern jury. Will he do better this time?

Man, what a loser...this is nothing like an episode of Law & Order. Let's get some help from...

John C. Calhoun!!

These guys babbling on while the Morgans pummel each other in the background is fairly amusing, but not terribly helpful, so...

So, Garry and Diggory each take off to find the treasure...but they each end up purchasing half-interest in the same damn boat...and end up in a hurricane!!

Columbus!! This is his 2nd summons!!

Well, he gets them to a likely island...

That's one really really stupid theory.

That happens to be 100% correct!

Hey, Sir Henry--you said you weren't going to help!!

Of course, Diggory won't abide by the very same rules that he laid down!

We need the Star Trek TOS fight music here...

But Kid calls a mystery helper:

Who is it?


Who is this guy?!?

Tom Sayers!! Yet another fighter forgotten in modern day. Did Kid do nothing but study boxing history before he died?

He softens up Diggory, and...

Well, everyone is happy (except Diggory!), and Kid didn't have to intervene.

But Keeper reveals that he knew the truth all along...

Uh, Kid...we can hear you...

After 41 stories, our summoning roll call is:

Abu 1
Achilles 4
Antony, Marc 2
Aramis 1
Arnold, Benedict 1
Arthur, King 2
Astor, John Jacob 1
Athos 1
Atlas 3
Attila The Hun 1
Attucks, Crispin 1
Baker, Lafayette 1
Barry's father 1
Barton, Clara 1
Bernhardt, Sarah 1
Bertillon, Alphonse 1
Blackhawk 1
Bluebeard 1
Bolivar, Simon 1
Boone, Daniel 1
Boyd, Belle 1
Brady, Diamond Jim 1
Breitbart, Zishe 1
Bucephalus 1
Bunyan, Paul 2
Byron, George Gordon 2
Caesar, Octavian 1
Cagliostro, Alessandro 1
Calhoun, John C. 1
Canary, Martha “Calamity” 1
Cannon, John W. 1
Capulet, Juliet 1
Carden, Foster 1
Carpenter, Daniel 1
Cherry Sisters 1
Clancy, Patrick 1
Cleopatra 1
Cody, “Buffalo” Bill 2
Colt, Samuel 1
Columbus, Christopher 2
Corbett, Jim 3
Crockett, Davy 1
Cronson, Gerald 1
Crusoe, Robinson 1
Custer, George Armstrong 1
D'artagnan 2
de Bergerac, Cyrano 1
de Leon, Ponce 1
de Rais, Gilles 1
Decatur, Stephen 1
Discus Thrower 1
Dockstader, Lew 1
Dracula 1
Drake, Sir Francis 1
Dupin, C. Auguste 1
Edison, Thomas 1
Emery 1
Ericson, Leif 2
Frankenstein's Monster 1
Galahad 1
Gotch, Frank 1
Gothicus, Claudius 1
Grant, Ulysses S. 1
Greb, Harry 1
Griffiths, Albert 1
Hamilton, Alexander 1
Hatfield, John 1
Hauser, Kaspar 1
Henry, Patrick 1
Hercules 2
Hermann, Alexander 1
Hickathrift, Tom 1
Hickok, Wild Bill 1
Hippocrates 1
Holmes, Sherlock 2
Hopkins, Matthew 1
Houdini 2
Houston, Sam 1
Hyde, Edward 1
Hyer, Tom 1
Jackson, Andrew 1
James, Jesse 1
Javert 1
Jeffries, Jim 1
Jones, John Paul 1
Jove 1
Khan, Genghis 1
Kidd, William 1
Lafayette, General 1
Lancelot 1
Laughing Cavalier 1
Leander 3
Lee, Robert E. 1
Legree, Simon 1
Leonidas 1
Lincoln, Abraham 1
Lister, Joseph 2
Marable, Fate 1
Masterson, Bat 1
Mercury 4
Milo Of Croton 2
Minutemen 1
Mix, Tom 1
Montague, Romeo 1
Montezuma 1
Morgan, Henry 1
Mulgrew, Jason 1
Murphy, Charles 1
Napoleon 1
Nation, Carrie 1
Nightingale, Florence 1
Noah 1
Nobody 1
Nostradamus 1
O'Brien, David 1
Oakley, Annie 1
Og 1
Osceola 1
Paddock, Charley 1
Penelope 1
Pheidippides 1
Pinkerton, Allan 1
Plastic Man 1
Porthos 2
Post, Wiley 1
Prometheus 1
Quixote, Don 1
Revere, Paul 1
Richard the LionHeart 1
Rin-Tin-Tin 1
Robespierre, Maximilien 1
Robin Hood 2
Rogers' Rangers 1
Russell, Lillian 1
Rustum 1
Ryan, Paddy 1
Samson 2
Sandow, Eugen 1
Sayers, Tom 1
Schleyer, Johann 1
Siegfried 1
Silver, Long John 1
Skunk, Jimmy 1
Socrates 1
Solomon 1
Sullivan, John L. 2
Tecumseh 1
Tell, William 1
Thalfi 1
Thor 1
Thumb, Tom 1
Thurston, Howard 1
Tiglath IV 1
Tuck, Friar 1
Tut-ankh-amen 1
Twain, Mark 1
Ulysses 1
Uncas 1
Vercingetorix 1
Villa, Pancho 1
Vulcan 1
Washington, George 2
Webster, Daniel 2
Xanthippe 1
Zbyzko, Stanislaus 1

NEXT--An actual, honest-to-gosh super-villain!!

From Hit Comics #48 (1947)

1 comment:

SF said...

Sayers isn't completely forgotten in modern days -- or at least, I've got four recordings of the song "Heenan and Sayers" in my music collection. (for instance, there are very different versions out there)