GORR!!

Have I ever mentioned that the second issue of the Fantastic Four that I ever purchased for myself featured them fighting a giant golden gorilla?

See, Gorr's spaceship crashed in Central Park, and, well, he had a bad reaction to earth's atmosphere because comics:

And then he did the whole King Kong bit...which I'm sure had absolutely nothing to do with a brand new King Kong film coming to theaters soon...

So, yeah, it was George Perez drawing the FF fighting a giant (golden) gorilla:

Well, Sue's force field cut off whatever made him big and fighty...

...and he revealed wy he had come to Earth and sought out Reed Richards and company:

Yeah, I was hooked.

See, the High Evolutionary "created" Gorr, and sent him to Earth, so he could bring back help to fight off Galactus.

And not only was Gorr super-evolved and intelligent and talkative...

He was hella strong.

And he had clothes:

...and Perez drew a great talking golden gorilla...

Man, that's already better than anything they've ever given us in a Fantastic Four movie...

Anyway, after the Counter-Earth/Galactus dust-up, Gorr stayed with the High Evolutionary. He had a glorified cameo in a Marvel Two-In-One story in 1980. And then he was kidnapped by the Stranger during a Quasar storyline in 1990, because Mark Gruenwald...and he hasn't been seen since.

Marvel...you've got a super-strong intelligent golden gorilla (who can sometimes grow to giant-size) in your menagerie of characters--and you haven't used him in 25 years!! What the hell?!?

I expect the All-New, All Different Gorr #1 soon, guys.

From Fantastic Four #171-172 (1976)

Friday Night Fights--Sound Effects Style!!

You know who I don't feature enough around here? Plastic Man, that's who!!

Well, this week's Friday Night Fights will begin to fix this.

Some crooks are trying to steal the film from the projection room at a theater, because evil.

But they'd better be careful trying to get away down those stairs...

This next panel might be too graphic...

Thanks for the save, Woozy!!

Spacebooger is busy trying to cast Eel O'Brien for the Flash show...

KA-WHOOM! EEEEEEEOOWW! is from Plastic Man #14 (1948), by Bill Woolfolk, Jack Cole, with inks possibly by Andre LeBlanc

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? Sound effects, baby. Sound effects! So go vote!!!

The Trial Of Lois lane Part XVI--The Twist!

And the verdict is...

WAIT!! 

Wait...this was a trial for first degree murder. Why in the hell wouldn't an autopsy have been performed?!? As a defense attorney whose case hinged on it being an accident, why did Batman wait until after the trial to notice/care that there had been no autopsy?!? Good gosh, Batman, you are a terrible lawyer!!

Shouldn't you have done that before closing arguments? You know, as evidence DURING the trial? I'm just saying...you suck!!

"Why didn't I notice this before?" Maybe because there was no autopsy? Or you're an idiot who probably shouldn't have a special exemption to practice law everywhere?

Fair point. But the judge ain't buying it yet...

And what about the lie detector?

Oh, so that explains the lie detector...huh?

Look, the android spent an entire night underwater in the river, presumably some time in the morgue, and at least several days underground. Why would her "internal temperature" still be 104.2?!?!? And my internal temperature is 98.6, even during a Michigan winter--am I really from the dessert?!?

Wait...what?!?!?!?

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!

So, to summarize--a race of alien androids with no right thumbs (no explanation is ever given) is playing some crazy-ass chess game that effects real people, but one of them cheated so they executed her and replaced Lana Lang with her and...

WHAT?!?!?!

Anyway, Supes routs the androids, and...

Well, it's not such a mystery, right? We know the jury was 11-1 in favor of conviction earlier, and it doesn't seem likely that 11 changed their votes so quickly, especially given the craptacular defense Batman put on.

And let's not think of all the crime committed while Superman and Batman were tied up in the farce that never should have happened if anybody had done an autopsy....

That's it. Thank you for putting up with this the past two days!!

From Lois Lane #100 (1970)

The Trial Of Lois Lane part XV--The Verdict?!?

Well, Lois certainly didn't help her cause on the stand, did she?

No hugging in court!

Well, it's time for closing statements:

And Batman?

Bag of tricks?!?! Dude, you're losing so bad you have no idea!!

As the jury deliberates, Superman is completely 100% unethical!

It's so bad, Batman doesn't even show up to hear the verdict!!

And so...

Welp, that's it for this post.

Yes, I'm a stinker.

Tune in a half-hour from now for the final result--no surprise twists!

SPOILER ALERT: There's a surprise twist.

From Lois Lane #100 (1970)

The Trial Of Lois Lane Part XIV--Batman Should be Disbarred!!

How bad a defense attorney is Batman?

He let this happen:

NOW you object?!? You chowder-head, you're supposed to object before the test is administered in front of the jury!

Matt Murdock never would have let that happen...

From Lois Lane #100 (1970)

The Trial Of Lois Lane Part XIII--This Never Happened To Jack McCoy!!

Superman is a little bit harsh to Lois during cross-examnation:

Slapping the prosecutor is a bad thing. Slapping a prosecuter whom you know from personal experience is invulnerable is just stupid!

From Lois Lane #100 (1970)

The Trial Of Lois Lane Part XII--The Gotham Way!

It's a break in the trial, and Superman is offering Lois an alternative to the electric chair:

Well, it is Gotham City, after all--90 percent of the people Batman captures end up pleading insanity, right?

And there is a basis for Lois to plead that way...

Batman the great detective hadn't looked into Lois' past at all before the trial. Worst. Defense. Attorney. Ever.

You would think that some in-between charges like manslaughter or negligent homicide might be thrown out here, as compromises. But nope, It's Arkham or the chair for you, Lois!!

SPOILER ALERT: She refuses the generous offer.

From Lois Lane #100 (1970)