Tales From The Quarter Bin--Iron Man And Wonder Woman, Sitting In A Tree...

And then there was that time that Tony Stark was totally putting the moves on Diana Prince:

Oh, wait, that wasn't Tony Stark, that was Major Keith Griggs, who was working with Diana in the Special Assignments Bureau and was a regular in the book immediately pre-Crisis.

It's easy to understand my confusion--this was drawn by Don Heck, who invented Tony Stark. And we're so used to his renderings of Stark that any time he draws a some other dark-haired guy with a mustache, our minds are going to tell us it's Tony.

But obviously...wait, what?

Damn...he has all of Stark's moves, too. Is that really you, Tony? Hopping the multiverse looking for anonymous super-lovin'?

From Wonder Woman #320 (1984)

Tales From The Quarter Bin--Wonder Woman #320 Makes My Brain Explode

I have a lot of obscure comic book knowledge stored in my noggin.

But the beauty part of comics is, there's always more to learn, always something that you didn't already know.

And sometimes that new knowledge will blow your mind.

Steve Trevor, for example. I mean, I already knew that he had a weird history. Died twice, resurrected twice, merged with other Trevors from the multiverse, and...well, weird.

But I had no idea how weird.

So I'm reading Wonder Woman #320 (1984), which comes right near the end of the book's pre-Crisis existence. And what do I find?

Wait...what?!?

So, wait...you're telling me that Steve Trevor had an invisible gremlin pal, who dressed like movie-era Captain Kirk and talked like Bug from the Micronauts, who buddied up with him for the better part of two years?!?!?



And no one ever told me this why?!? Seriously, how could I not have known this?

Glitch the "gremlin" turned out to be an alien stranded on Earth, and he made himself invisible to everyone except Trevor (and "some children," Wikipedia helpfully tells us).

Eventually, in an adventure involving the Atomic Knight (!) he let Wonder Woman see him, and found a ride home.

Of of course, was promptly forgotten post-Crisis.

So can we bring him back in the nu52? To help Steve run JLA? Or maybe as part of the Green Team? Please?

#&^%...Or Maybe Not

We saw earlier that Thunderstrike had been duped by S.H.I.E.L.D. into hunting Luke Cage.

Let's see what happens when they meet. If the past decade has taught us anything, this should be filled with plenty of fake swears and, ahem, inner- city dialect...

You know, I've critiqued Tom DeFalco's writing before, especially on the Fantastic Four and Legion Lost.

But damn if he didn't just write Luke Cage better in 5 panels than Bendis did in a decade. I'm just sayin.'

(and I always like his Thor/Thunderstrike work better than I did the rest of his stuff).

From Thunderstrike #13 (1994)

The Hidden Downside Of Seuquestration

As you're sick of hearing this week, "sequestration"--mandatory across-the-board government budget cuts--may kick in next Friday.

I try to keep it relative apolitical around here, but there is one enormously negative consequence if sequestration goes through:
 

Yes, that's right, if Congress doesn't act now...

S.H.I.E.L.D. is going to have to hire Thunderstrike to hunt down framed heroes, instead of doing the job themselves. And we don't want that, do we?

Brought to you by the Society To Prevent Secret Spy Organizations From Farming Out Frame-Up Jobs To Lame Heroes. Together, we can make a difference.

From Thunderstrike #13 (1994)

Plow That Metaphor Deep, Boys

"War is hell" isn't a sufficient enough simile, apparently.

Because during the history of war comics, practically every other "war is like ..." metaphor has been used.

Few, though, were as persistently bludgeoned into our heads as is this story from Our Army At War #271 (1974), by Bob Kanigher and Russ Heath.

As they trudged through an extremely cold winter to prevent the Germans from blowing up a damn, Easy Company is joined by two new "greenies," Pvt. Krull and PFC Rankin. And what do they talk about the whole march?

Relax. That's the first panel, kids...this metaphor is going to get pounded for the 12 pages...

When 3 of the company die from landmines:

Yeah, I'd be about ready to put a bullet in Krull right now, too.

But wait, there's more: when Easy is pinned down by some Nazi entrenched in a gully, they take the out with...snowballs?

See? Everything in war is a farming metaphor!! Everything!!

Later, when Easy Company is pinned down by a Nazi fighter (Easy gets pinned down a lot, don't they?), Krull uses his farming skills...

Man, you have to wonder if George Lucas read that panel in 1974 whilst preparing a certain screenplay. "One shot in a million?" "Just like shooting womp rats?" And Luke was a farm boy...

Anyhoo, Ranking is beginning to be converterd by Krull's cult-like tunnel vision of seeing everything as akin to farming...

But their mission is already over. For you see...

The plane Krull shot down crashed into the damn, just as the German demolition team was in a "small depression" at the base of the dam, and they were "weighted down with TNT," and the water turned to ice "real fast," so...

Sadly, that was the end of the story, so we were denied even more comparisons of farming and war.

Next issue: Easy Company picks up and accountant and a lion-tamer, and we get pages and pages of "war is like a spreadsheet" and "war is like a circus" metaphor. Just kidding (probably)...

Manic Monday--Chivalry Is Dead...Or Is It?

Poor Superboy is befuddled, as a mysterious girl with magical powers made him look silly. What, prey tell, is he to do?

Let's ask the Kents!

Uh-oh!!

Good job, Clark--making your parents fight!!

Hmmm, let's see what Lana has to say:

Lana's got your back, Clark!!

Fortunately, Kal-El never has to worry about hitting a girl, as he uses the old "toss her magic book into orbit so she loses her powers AND her memories" trick.

From The New Adventures Of Superboy #35 (1982). Just for the record, other issues make clear this series takes place in 1966.

For Those Of You Wanting To Play The Prisoner At Home

From Eerie #16 (1968):

Because making your neighbors "run screaming" is always a good thing...

Nobody Loves The Hulk (A Slight Reprise)

So, I'm skimming the back-up features in Hulk Annual #18 (1992)...because what else am I supposed to do when I'm illin'?

And what do I stumble across but this:

Wait a minute wait a minute WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!

As you may remember, a couple of months ago we examined what is unquestionably the greatest rock & roll song of all time, "Nobody Loves The Hulk." Go read about (and listen to it).

So what the hey? Well, aside from sharing a title, and some similarities in the chorus, the songs are pretty different. A coincidence? Or did Brevoort and/or Kanterovich know of the original song, and were just riffing on it?

Regardless, this little ditty...well, let's be polite, and just say that it's NOT the greatest rock & roll song of all time.

Let's listen in:

Here's a hint, Rick...don't give us 11 verses before getting to the the chorus...

Let's here what a more...prominent...critic has to say:

The end indeed...