Manic Monday Bonus--Spelling Problems

If you know me at all, you know that instead of focusing on the pretty cover art...

...I'm just going to obsess on the cover blurb:

OK, I may not be a big shot comic book writer or editor, but I'm fairly certain that ABCD does not spell "death." Not even close.

And it's not just a crappy cover blurb. Nope, it's the title of the freakin' lead story:

And said story in no conceivable way fits or justifies that title.

Dudes, kids use comics to learn to read--don't confuse them with stuff like ABCD Spells Death.

Thank you for your attention.

Manic Monday--Who Shall Be Worthy??

From Thor #400 (1989), a comprehensive list of those able to lift Mjolnir:

Of course, there's been a lot of water under the bridge since then, and we need an updated list--here's one on Wikipedia--to cover everyone since, such as Eric Masterson, Thor's granddad and great-granddad, Superman, and Wonder Woman.

Yeah, yeah, some of that is outside of "mainstream continuity"--but if this (presumably official) splash page is going to count hypothetical-future Thor Dargo Ktor, I don't see how you can exclude Spider-Man 2099 Miguel O'Hara or Woden, Son Of Thor.

Tales From The Quarter Bin--Victorian Nut Cracker!

If you've ever wanted to see a Victorian era Two-Face kick Victorian era "celebrated criminologist" Bruce Wayne is the gonads...

....well, you've come to the right place!

(Also, if you want to see Victorian era Bruce Wayne take a chemical formula that gives him the strength to fight crime as Batman, but also periodically changes to into Mr. Hyde The Joker, well then, you're two for two with this story!)

From the Elseworlds one-shot Batman: Two Faces (1998)

Gotham's Rocking Charity Balls!!

Well, you all know my fondness for faux rock bands that appear in comic book stories.

So imagine my glee when I stumble upon this story, set in Batman's "Year One":

That's Gotham City Councilman Danzig, sadly, not heavy metal frontman Glenn Danzig. Although that would explain an awful lot about Gotham politics...

But we still have a performance by World Public Enemy to look forward to, right?

Well...um...I hope they kept their day jobs.

Surprisingly enough, despite the close-ups and costumes, these women did NOT turn out to be villains or henchpersons. They didn't appear any more at all in the issue, not even a single panel.

But actually, these guys have a history. Pre-Crisis, they were three small-time criminals that some Andy Warhol-type artist tried to turn into pop-art phenomena, well, because:

That was back in Batman #181 (1966). Yes, that was Poison Ivy's first appearance. She wanted the title of "World Public Enemy #1," so she kicked their asses.

That was their last appearance for 30 years, until that post-Crisis transmogrification into a rock band, in Shadow Of The Bat Annual #3 (1995). And yes, that was also the canonical first post-Crisis visit of Poison Ivy to Gotham. She never encountered World Public Enemy this time, though.

And then they vanished until Grant Morrison revived them in 2007 as members of Ra's al Ghul's League Of Assassins during the Resurrection of RaG story. Seriously. And Batman kicked their ass.

All in all, I guess they should have kept the jobs as rockers...at least then they weren't getting their asses kicked (except, perhaps, by the critics).

Friday Night Fights--Regicide Style!!

To make an omelette, you've got to break a few eggs. Or faces. Or heads.

The relevance to tonight's Friday Night Fight? Keep watching...

For reasons too complex to go in, Spider-Man has agreed to help Black Cat break into the Latverian Embassy--into Doom's very bedroom!!--to acquire a deadly MacGuffin before anyone nefarious can get their hands on it.

No problem, right?

Oops.

HOLY CRAP!!!

Oh...just a Doombot. Always a Doombot...

Spacebooger would like us to ask, "If Spidey's punch did that to a robot, what would it have done to the actual Doom? Murder, anyone?!?" To which the SPOILER ALERT answer is, of course, that the Superior Spider-Man has obviously been in place longer than any of us thought...

C. B. Cebulski, David Finch and Danny Miki show us that Peter (?) would outright murder Victor Von Doom if given the chance in Spider-Man Unlimited # 14 (2006)

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? It's not like you have anything better to do this week, right? So go vote!!

Hate-Monger

A public service announcement:

No matter how much Lex Luthor hates Superman...

...despite the seething contempt Dr. Doom holds for Reed Richards...

...regardless of the loathing everyone has for Jar Jar Binks...

...and as much as DC management hates Stephanie Brown...

All of that hatred combined is NOTHING compared to how much the 1990s hates you.

The 90s. WTF, man?!?

From Spider-Man Unlimited #13 (1996)

Offer Refused!!

Some cures just aren't worth it:

EEEEWWWWWW!!!!!!

No thank you. No pimple licking for me!!


Ad from Headline Comics #50 (1951)

Question Answered, 7 Years Earlier

Cover blurb question:

Cover blurb answer (?):

Wait...does that mean Jimmy Olsen is the Green Goblin? Flash Thompson is Superman's pal? I'm so confused...

The cover to Action Comics #570 (1985) is by Eduardo Barreto. The cover to Amazing Spider-Man #176 (1978) is by Ross Andru & Frank Giacoia

The British Post-War Crime Wave!!

From the True Crime files of Headline Comics #50 (1951):

A) Well, that's pushes Jack The Ripper out of the #1 spot, eh?

B) Damn you, European socialist governments, for your oppression of itinerant peddlers!! Your regulation is throttling the growth of the itinerant peddler industry!!

C) This would make a pretty good Sherlock Holmes story--The Adventure of The Extra Ounces. Much to the chagrin of Miss Almathea Winthrop's fiancee--a promising young clerk in the War Office--a spy from Balkania has stolen a sample of a new explosive. She hires Holmes to find it before her husband-to-be is cashiered. Holmes, of course, correctly deduces that the spy is disguised as an itinerant peddler, trying to smuggle it to confederates by use of a scale allowing him to give out an extra ounce and a half! Holmes foils him when he disguises himself as a itinerant peddler inspector, and England is saved!

Yes, I'm an idiot.

Season's Ungreetings!

Another year, another repeat of Slay Monstrobot's annual tradition:

Unmerry Christmas, dummies!!

We're dark here tomorrow, come back Wednesday for more of the same old crap!!

Tales From The Quarter Bin--Superman Family Headlines!!

For no particular reason--just because they amused me--here are the titles of all the stories from Superman Family #209 (1981):

Linda Danvers gets a job as a soap opera actress--and quells a mysterious riot at Yankee Stadium!

Clark Kent's first boss--George Taylor, former editor of the Daily Star--is murdered because he knows Superman's secret identity! (No tricks-he did know, and he does die! Earth-2 was a brutal place, kids...)

Uhhh....there's a bust...on a bus!! Way to go, Clark Kent!!

Oh, Lois, always sensationalizing your headlines to try and get that Pulitzer!!

Jimmy Olsen's date finds a real diamond ring in a Crackerjack Krispy-Snax box!! Hilarity (and crime!) ensue...

52 pages!! For $1!! And no ads!! Those were the days...

The Superior Spider-Jerk

As we prepare for a "new" Spider-Man, let's remember...

Peter Parker could be a real jerk sometimes...

(See, when Captain Marvel came to New York, looking for Reed Richards or the Avengers for help controlling her new powers before she exploded, she accidentally knocked Spider-Man on his keister, so he decided she must be a villain, and...well, you can figure the rest out.)

From Amazing Spider-Man Annual #16 (1982)

Panel Of The Week: What The?!?

After a very silly week, sometimes only a very silly panel will do:

No, I don't understand it wither. But that's the way life is sometimes...

From the preview for G-Man: Coming Home in Super Dinosaur #16

Friday Night Fights--Pussy Galore Style!!

By now you're all aware of my ridiculous pride in being the #1 Google result for "man-on-animal action."

And most of you are aware of what an obsessive James Bond nut I am.

Well, as the commercial said, those are two great tastes that taste great together!

So, as we turn to tonight's Friday Night Fight, we travel across the pond, to the long-running James Bond daily newspaper comic strip. [Please excuse the occasional cut and/or skewed panel. The book these are collected in is not terribly conducive to being scanned...]

So, James Bond is being held captive (along with as nearly naked woman--go figure!), when the bad guys make the typical Dr. Evil mistake of not just putting a bullet in his head. Nope, they've got to kill him with a big cat:

Ouch!!

Spacebooger was expecting Bond to make some terrible cat pun after the kill.

The panels are from the "The Girl Machine" storyline in The Daily Express (the best I can come up with is an approximate date, probably during October of 1973), script by Jim Lawrence, art by Yaroslav Horak.

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight!! Why? James Bond, no gadgets, vs. a big-ass cat. I mean, duh. So go vote!!