Maybe Wonder Dog Ate Them, Too

Missing in action, Robin's supporting cast from his days at Hudson University:

Wow, not even a whisper from any of these guys in nearly 30 years. Good to see Dick Grayson has such fond memories of his days in New Carthage.

Of course, these weren't the brightest bunch of folk in the DC Universe. Dick Grayson leaves Gotham and starts attending Hudson at precisely the same time Robin stops being seen in Gotham and starts being seen in New Carthage...and no one has an inkling, including the head of security and the police detective. Sheesh.

Maybe Zatanna mind-wiped them...or maybe Wonder Dog just got hungry.

Related but unrelated question: why does the DC Universe have so many more fictional cities than Marvel? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Robin's college cast of characters pin-up is from Batman Family #6 (1976)

Well, There You Go, That Makes It All Right, Then

From an interview at Newsarama with Sean McKeever re: Teen Titans #62:

Yeah, poor Wendy and Marvin. But, you know, I hope it got to people because it's absolutely a story-based death and not one of these "shock death" things. The Teen Titans are on a journey, and this is a major part of it.

Other forthcoming "story-based" plots from McKeever:

• Ace the Bathound sodomizes the Spoiler...hey, it's a major part of Robin's journey, so lay off
• Snoopy devours Peppermint Patty and Lucy...hey, it's NOT one of those "shock death" things.
• The Legion of Super-Pets takes a conversion van on a cross-galaxy killing spree, leaving a trail of dead hookers in their wake
• "Marmaduke--OH MY GOD NO MARAMADU--ahegahahgsgs..."

Story-based. Yeah, you're a real Bill Shakespeare there, McKeever.

You see now why I don't read Teen Titans?

Friday Night Fights--Rising and Advancing Style!!

Shang-Chi, Master of Kung Fu, son of Fu Manchu, MI-6 operative, best pals with a dude who is the son of James Bond and the grand-nephew of Sherlock Holmes, trotting around the globe stopping eccentric billionaires from blowing things up...what's not to love? And he's equal opportunity...man or woman, he'll f you up.

Take, for example, whip-wielding, panther-commanding, thong-wearing Pavane:

Now, Shang-Chi at first takes her too lightly:

To his credit, he realizes his error, but doesn't have a lot of time. So he decides to go all brier patch on her:

And it works:

OUCH...the result:

Another dizzyingly odd foe goes down for the count. Well, played, Shang...well played.

Most people, of course, don't realize that Bahlactus means "the rising and advancing of my foot up your backside, fool."

Moench, Gulacy, and Adkins brings us this quickie in Master of Kung Fu #31 (1975).

Tangled Web?

Well, well, well.

After months (and months) of studiously avoiding the issue of exactly what the frell happened at the end of "One More Day," some info has finally started to trickle out.

First, in the freebie Marvel: Your Universe Saga (available free this week at Marvel Digital Comics, if your missed it at your local shop), which recaps the last few years of Marvel continuity, we get this gem:

Using his vast powers, Mephisto saved Aunt May's life--at the cost of Peter and Mary Jane's marriage, which the demon erased from history. Unaware of what he has lost, Spider-Man continues his adventures.

Now, one would hope Marvel wouldn't print that without it being kind of official. So it wasn't some amnesia spell--Mephisto actually rewrote history, and Peter Parker is unaware of it.

Which is interestingwhen we consider the other precept they laid down back in the first issue of Brand New Day: ""Absolutely no one knows that Peter Parker is Spider-Man. Not Daredevil, not the Avengers, not anyone." At the time, I wondered exactly how that would play out with characters who HAD to know Spidey's identity, such as Venom or Norman Osborn (unless gazillions of stories were wipe out of continuity). This made the situation sound more like a mind-wipe than an actual historical change. But now Marvel says nope, it's a historical change.

Which brings us to Amazing Spider-Man #569, where Norman Osborn is confronting Peter Parker (click to make it larger if you can't read it):

"Everything WE did?"

Second thing to note: Venom can sense old host Eddie Brock from blocks away, but can't sense that Parker was a former host when they're in the same room. And he remembers that he was bonded with Spider-Man, but not Parker.

Third thing, when Spider-Man confronts Osborn:

"This time, you have no idea who I am."

So, assuming everyone's been playing fair with us, (including the editorial staff in their "official" pronouncements):

Peter doesn't know about the deal with Mephisto, which actually altered the timeline (so this speculation would be wrong).
Osborn used to know who Spider-Man was, but doesn't anymore (so past stories DID happen, Peter remembers, others don't, at least not the revealing parts).
Everything "we" did is still "up and running." (so the reason for the lack of memories is due to some specific steps Peter and ? took)

So Mephisto changed history, but within that new history, Peter and someone did something to erase memories of Spider-Man's secret ID.

Who? Could be Professor X...he's got the mojo to wipe out that many memories. But a Spider-Man connection? And could he effect an alien symbiote like Venom?

Could be Doctor Strange. He's got the mojo, at least from time to time. And he was hangin' with Webhead, during the "New Avengers on the run" days.

But what about the Sentry? He's pulled this "everybody forget about me" shtick twice now, with his awesomely undefined powers and his ultra-super-computer CLOC (and with help from Dr. Strange the second time). He and Spidey were New Avengers together, and Avengers HQ was the Sentry's Watchtower.

So what if, after Peter reveals his identity publicly (but before he splits the official Avengers), he has second thoughts, and gets Sentry to help him undo that with his awesome memory-eras-o-vision thingie? Or, after he splits, he sneaks back in, and gets the Sentry to help him anyway (or someone else..."we"...Doc Strange, perhaps?).

Just noodling. But that's my guess: Sentry.

Now the real question. Was that part of the deal with Mephisto...perhaps what Mary Jane whispered to him? Or was it just a natural occurrence of the new timeline--without MJ's support he wasn't as confident of his decision to reveal his identity, so he recanted and rigged up a giant Zatanna for everyone?

Obviously, I think about these things too much...

Excedrin Moment #27

Dear DC and Grant Morrison,

Thanks so much for the pounding headache. Especially since the "4-D" effects a) were pretty darn unimpressive, b) added absolutely nothing to the story, and c) even if you argue they were impressive and did add to the story, they sure as heck didn't add $1.51 worth.

So please don't do that again.

Save the glasses, save the headache.

Love,

snell

P.S. Again with the Ultra-Man?

Decisions, Decisions

You know, in some very important ways, I really can't seem to make up my mind about Legion of 3 Worlds #1. Maybe you, my loyal readers, can help me out here.

Decision #1: Should I be happy that Geoff Johns has managed to go a whole issue without using any fake futuristic swear words?

Or should I be amused and depressed that he replaced it with fake 21st century swear babble?

Yeah, that's how you prove your street cred--replace "grife" with "$#&@&%??" Pretend we're talking tougher, but don't have the balls to really do it?

By the way, what's the over/under on how long until we get our first #$%^ from Barry Allen?

Decision #2: Should I be elated that the red hot team of Johns and George Perez is (hopefully) turning on lots of new fans to the Legion of Super-Heroes?

Or should I be concerned that Johns' hamfisted, one-note characterizations will make all those new readers go, "what's the big deal?" Example, Saturn Girl.

OK, that's nice to know about her...

Well, that was nice again, but you already told us that a few pages ago...

OK, now we're just getting silly. Repetitive much? What's the over/under on the number of times we get that little meme repeated again and again the rest of the series? (And don't get me started on the number of panels dedicated to proving beyond the shadow of a doubt that Garth is a hothead...we get it already, Geoff...)

Decision #3: Is it cool that all the villains of the 31st century have secretly worshipped Superboy-Prime for all these years?


Or should I be going "Hey, wait a minute--Superboy-Prime was never anything more than a lackey for other villains. He was the brainless muscle, the water carrier for Alex Luthor and Sinestro. The Legion of Super-Villains might as well be worshipping Chemo!"

You see the kind of decisions I have?

Manic Monday--Captain Triumph

Caleb recently wrote about some Golden Age heroes who need to be revived, and I've covered that idea a few times, myself. Well, what about Captain Triumph?!?

I mean, c'mon--look at that!! What a concept!! Magic birthmarks? Ghost twins?!? Invincible super powers?!? How can it go wrong??

Absorbed when DC acquired Quality Comics, Captain Triumph has had a handful of appearances in modern DC (including a Grant Morrison Animal Man), but now's the time to bring him back full time!

Bonus #1: A Golden Age reference to threesomes:

Bonus #2: Logic at its finest:

With a crack support staff like this, it's a mystery why Captain Triumph never made the leap to the Silver Age...

Panels from Crack Comics (seriously) #42 (1946), as reprinted in 100-Page Super Spectacular #18 (1973)

Why DC Was So Successful In The 1940s

Two words:

Child labor.

"Comic studio" sweatshop on the ocver of Superman #25 (1943).

Guess What This Is?

That's right...

It's my...

...400th post...

I've been doing this...

...mostly daily...

...for 400 freakin' posts...

...and I haven't burned out (yet).

So thanks for hangin'...

...and I'll try to keep being vaguely entertaining for 400 more. Oh, and one more thing:

The Gombezi f@#$%ing rock!

Friday Night Fights--Price Check!!

I'm illin', so with a minimum of chatter, let's check out one of Barbara Gordon's first adventures as Batgirl:





Clean-up in aisle 3, Bahlactus!!

Batgirl's bodega beatdown courtesy of Batgirl: Year One #3 (2003)

Great Moments in DC Science--Dr. Togg!!

It's been awhile since we've examined evil scientists. I mean, after seeing Fu Manchu raise an ape's intelligence to near human levels, so he could drive it insane, just because he thought it was a cool idea, what's the point? We've plumbed the depths of super-evil science, haven't we?

Well, no. Because in the mists of the Golden Age, something new was invented, something so insane and unrelated to anything in the physical world as to have no doubt inspired Clarke's Law. I'm talking, of course, about DC Science.

While Silver Age DC Science had some pretty wonky moments, at some base level they were trying to be sort of scientific...they just weren't very good at it, and they weren't about to let that get in the way of a good story.

But the Golden Age? Man, the dudes working in the industry in those days treated science like magic...anything and everything they could think of doing, no matter how impossible or ridiculous, could be justified by plopping a "science" label on it. And since they were writing for kids, what the hell, right?

Which brings us to Doctor Togg:


Come on, Doc, focus. They? The world? All its goods? The police? You're all over the place here.

So, anyway, what's Togg's deal?


O M G

Wolves and buzzards? Dr. Togg, you've got my attention!! That's a nice start. But what else do you got?

Sweet mother of Minerva!! What shall you call these creations?

Gombezi? GOMBEZI? You have an upright dog with wing and claws that can talk, and you call it gombezi?? OK, what else special can they do?

Ah, super-slipperiness...perhaps they could try out for the Legion of Substitute Super-Pets. And you can create more at a moments notice. Good, good...but really, how tough can these gombezi be?




Holy shit!!

Wait...let's take a closer look at that last panel:

Yup...it's kind of hard to tell without squinting, but the gombezi pack heat!! They are now officially the coolest things ever!! However, the media is outraged:

Which means it's time for Hour-Man to finally get on the job. Or, rather, THE Hour-Man, as he's constantly referred to in this story. Take that, Bruce Wayne! But is he too late to stop the gombezi raid?

Like any hero, the Hour-Man calls upon a gang of adolescents to do his dirty work for him.

Wait for it...

Yup, these guys pack guns and bombs, and you're going to catch them in butterfly nets (which are apparently in copious supply, and large enough to catch dog-sized creatures).

Anyhoo, the Hour-Man tracks a gombezi back to Dr. Togg's lab, but don't think the good doctor isn't ready for him. How can the Hour-man ever take on wolf-buzzards??



Don't worry, science fans...of course Dr. Trogg escaped to menace the Hour-Man again a couple of years later, and he was resurrected for the recent Hourman series, and he even brought some gombezi with him. But it just wasn't the same. Our suspension of disbelief worked on a whole different level in 1999, and the flying dogs with claws were now merely silly, instead of sublimely brilliant. Although you DO have to love a story titled "Bride of the Gombezi."

Still, wolf-buzzards and super-slippery gombezi who talk and pack heat? Dr. Trogg, you win this round! Take that, Dr. Doom!!

One final note: please note, from this web site covering The Hour-man's career:

Principal Adversaries
Doctor Glisten (Adventure Comics #72): unknown
Doctor Iker (Adventure Comics #64) - reformed, employed by Tyler Chemical
Doctor Togg (Adventure Comics #57): - reformed but extremely aged
Doctor Kobalt (Triumph #1) - died of cancer in prison
Doctor Darkk (Adventure Comics #65): unknown
Doctor Slight (Adventure Comics #56): unknown

That's the complete list, kids. So, Rex Tyler--problems with your HMO, or what?? Or did you just settle in a town with an excessive number of evil PhDs?

Gombezi massacre comes from Adventure Comics # 57 (1940), as reprinted in 100-Page Super Spectacular #18 (1973).

Astronomers Are Sick, Sick People

Likely story department: Al Pratt, the Golden Age Atom, has to think very quickly when his girlfriend drops by work:

Accidentally.

A huge observatory telescope. Meant to be looking up at the stars. And you just happened to, somehow, look into an apartment window.

Sure, whatever you say, Al.

Anyway, they see a murder, a whole Rear Window thing follows, it revolves around a cross-dressing evil twin (seriously!). None of which can distract us from the fact that:

Golden Age Atom=Peeping Tom.

He's just lucky Mary hadn't come in the night before, when he was checking apartments downtown...

Golden Age perversion courtesy of Flash Comics #90 (1947) as reprinted in 100-Page Super Spectacular #18 (1973). At least we now know where Hitchcock got the inspiration for Rear Window...

The New Elongated Man?

From the November solicit for JSA #21 (due out Nov. 26):

The penultimate chapter of the epic "One World, Under Gog" explodes here...

Penultimate issue?!? Great googly moogly, you mean to tell me that this story will still be going on at Christmas?!?

I won't accuse Geoff Johns of padding things, or of having things in his books happen at a particularly leisurely pace...but between this and having the "secret origin" of Hal Jordan last 6 issues, the man certainly does know how to stretch his stories out. Maybe he's using Gingold ink?

Maybe he can do an even longer version of the Trial of Barry Allen...

Deliverance

From the November solicit for Age of the Sentry #3:

Unfamiliar with Ozark ways, our hero is also bound by the Code of the Hills to marry cousin Ellie!

Because that's what we really need from Marvel right now: cousin marriage!! A good hillbilly story will finally make the man with the power of a million exploding suns popular with the readership...

Of course, I would have thought that you wouldn't have needed anything extra to make a man with the power of a million exploding suns interesting...but what the hell, a Hee Haw sketch can't hurt!!

Prediction for issue #4: Each of the Sentry's personalities asks a different girl on a date--AT THE SAME TIME!! Hilarity ensues...

Manic Monday--My Fingers Are Making Trails, Dude

Comic book cover most likely to be featured on Battling Seizure Robots:

Wow...my head is exploding.

Odd note from the solicit: "Retailers please note: This issue will ship with two covers. For every 25 copies of the Standard Edition (with a cover by Alex Ross), retailers may order one copy of the Variant Edition (with a cover by Tony Daniel)."

Really, what kind of world is it when Tony Daniel is your so-special-we-can-charge-a-lot-more-for-this-cover artist?

Quote of the Week--Test Monkey Timmy

Genetically altered test chimp Timmy tells it like it is:

Testify, brother.

Incredibly cool shit that nobody else seems to be talking about comes from Jonathan Hickman & JM Ringuet in Transhuman #3. Just be glad I didn't show you the really cool part...

Deus Ex Vita Forma Inlex

Caleb has done a fine job of ripping Secret Invasion #5, so I don't want to belabor the point too much. There are, however, two things I've got to say:

First, as Caleb notes, we FINALLY finish the confrontation between the Skrull Captain Marvel and the Thunderbolts that started way back in Skrullapalooza #1 (remember...5 issues in, and only 20 minutes have elapsed. Wondrous pacing).

Anyway, my question is this--since the Skrulls' haven't announced themselves to the world yet...and these Skrulls are supposedly completely undetectable (except by Reed Richard's magic ray gun, which he hadn't invented yet)...my question is this:


How does Norman Osborn know that Mar-Vell's a Skrull? What, he assumes that Mar-Vell is a shape-shifting alien with Mar-Vell's powers, instead of the usual mind-control option? Osborn's not telepathic, but even if he were, these guys can't be detected telepathically. Is he just guessing? Or is it just that Bendis can't be bothered to remember his own premise when he want a "dramatic" scene to play out? Some would call that cheating.

Secondly, we've established multiple times that ALL Stark tech and ALL S.H.I.E.L.D. tech are down. All communications are down, the internet is down. S.H.I.E.L.D. itself is lousy with Skrulls. Bendis has established this time and time again. So how do we get Maria Hill out of her tense (and by tense I mean 3 issue-long 2 minute conversation...) situation:

Yup, all Stark and S.H.I.E.L.D. tech is down...except for this one thing, which we suddenly reveal (without prior hint or clue) has somehow magically not been compromised, and we unveil this only at the moment when it can save Maria and kill the Jarvis Skrull. Life Model Decoys to the rescue!!

That's not only cheating, that's piss-poor story-telling. (And yes, I get the irony of beating the Skrulls with undetectable doubles...but since it blatantly contradicts the situation Bendis has laboriously set up, it's nay so much irony as cheating...plus, the Skrulls brilliantly took down everything Stark/S.H.I.E.L.D., but somehow forgot LMDs??).

Bendis: he loves you...just not enough to play fair in his story-telling.

Friday Night Fights--Potato Salad Style!!

The scene: Danny Rand, in costume, has come to visit Misty Knight's crib.

BUT Misty's roommate is Jean Grey, you see (because everybody knows everybody in the Chris Claremont universe). And Wolverine is sitting outside her apartment being a whiny stalker boy. So, inevitably:

Now, our kung fu billionaire manages to hold his own for awhile.



But Jean was going to be holding a dinner party, you see, so of course the rest of the "all new, all different" X-Men are showing up. And, being the 1970's, no one is willing to stop and talk things out. So:


Not bad, holding your own against Wolverine, Nightcrawler and Colossus.

BUT WAIT A MINUTE, you're screaming at your screen right now. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE LADIES' NIGHT!!

Oh, it is, my friends....because look who shows up next:

So she'll end this quick, right?

Uh-oh. That's not gonna go down well, is it?



So, Wolverine is finally man enough to lay hands on Iron Fist when someone else is holding him down...

So who will save the day? Well, it is Ladies' Night, after all:


Yeah, Phoenix, put 'em down!!

Even Bahlactus wouldn't throw potato salad on Storm...would he??

Heroes mistakenly fighting heroes for a whole issue comes from Iron Fist #15 (1977)...which was the last issue of IF's original run, as well as (I believe) John Byrne's first ever artwork depicting the all new, all different X-Men. And it has potato salad....

Seriously, Would YOU Want To Work There??

Regarding Action Comics #868:

1) Does Supergirl routinely use her X-Ray vision on the chests of women she's just met?

a) If the answer is yes, uh.....why?

b) And if so, does Geoff Johns seriously expect us to believe that this is the first time she's encountered the concept of breast implants??

c) If it's not something she usually does, why is she doing it here??? Pretty creepy...

d) I know this is supposed to set up the enmity story arc between Supergirl and Cat Grant (because that's exactly what the Supergirl comic has been missing...her own J. Jonah Jameson), but since Cat was boasting about her bosom-enhancing surgery two issues ago, I'm pretty sure that someone daring to mention it shouldn't set her off.

e) Whatever our explanation, it's a hell of a long and awkward set up for a "joke" about fake boobs.

2) So we've bought Cat Grant back just to make her an unpleasant celebrity attacker and a skanky ho? Gee, thanks, we really needed that...

(And I leave the debate to others whether or not the venerable Daily Planet, under the auspices of editor Perry White, would be printing a gossip column as venal as the one Cat describes, and whether Lois and Clark would continue to work, without any comment whatsoever, for a paper that printed such stuff).

3) Steve Lombard, @#$%^. Again leaving aside the question of whether such a lout could actually rise to the position of sports editor of the prestigious Daily Planet...

Gee, between Cat and Steve, Geoff Johns' has transformed the DP into one of the more unpleasant work environments imaginable, eh?

Geoff Johns: restoring the Bronze Age to Superman's mythos, but making it cruder than hell. Again, thank you.

Comics That Don't Need a Converter Box

It turns out that Jack Kirby invented HD:

The world's first wide screen comic (oh, sorry...wide scream) courtesy of Blue Ribbon Comics #1 (1983), reprinting Adventures of the Fly #1 (1959), by Simon and Kirby. Sadly, that 2-page splash panel was the only thing "wide screen" or remotely special in the 7 page story. Except, of course, for the oddly costumed Spider Spry, aka The Spider!!

Welcome to the DC Universe, Spider...stay obscure enough, and someday Grant Morrison may base a maxi-series on you...

Bold Fashion Choices--Supergirl Again!

The "winners" of the design a costume for Supergirl contest, illustrated by Mike Sekowsky, as presented in Super DC Giant #24 (1971):



Oh, wait, I almost forgot about this last one...

Manic Monday--More Stuff My Parents Never Bought Me

From Superman #206, 1968:


OK, I know it was a scam...but I really want to know how it "penetrates solid barriers."

Not to mention, I'm dying to know the native language of whoever wrote this ad copy, because it couldn't have been English. "Your Man From Uncle Spy Pen is a master of Precision Engineering"???

And hey, it comes "complete with simple how-to-use instruction booklet"! You'd think that would be standard, and not a "special feature" (rather like DVD's that list "interactive menu" as a special feature...'cause those NON-interactive menus make it kinda hard to play the damn movie...).

And gosh only knows how much those autographed pictures of Robert Vaughn and David McCallum are going for on eBay right now....

Little Known Facts About the DC Universe

#1 (as presented in Final Crisis #3):


#2 So, I guess instead of sitting around using his heat vision "to keep her heart beating," or going of with the Monitor Lady for a tour of the multiverse, Superman just could have had Wally run faster than the speed of light with Lois, and voila, she's saved?

#3 In the future, when mankind has faster-than-light travel, no more death!! Hyper-drive=immortality!!

#4 Of course, Wally can travel faster than the speed of light, but he couldn't travel faster than the mysterious time bullet...so he can outrun death, but not the thing that causes death??

The moral? Just have Zatanna says some magic spell and bring him back next time...it's a lot easier and doesn't reduce everything in the universe to the anti-sense equation.

Friday Night Fights--Sugah Style!!

Ladies and gentleman, get ready for an old-fashioned butt-whooping, courtesy of Chris Claremont and Walt Simonson.

Let your minds drift back to the halcyon days of 1983. Rogue, who has been nothing but a evil mutant to this point, comes to the X-Men seeking help, as her powers have begun to rage out of control. One problem, though:

Carol Danvers had her memories and powers stolen by Rogue. Carol Danvers is now the ultra-powerful Binary. Carol Danvers is hanging out with the X-Men. Something tells me this is gonna be painful:


How hard was that punch?

Yup, Carol put her into frakkin' orbit!! Still, you can't keep a good mutant down, can you? Or a bad one...surely she'll smack the former and future Ms. Marvel a good one?


Nope. Rogue...stay down. For your own good.

It's ladies' night, because the ladies love Bahlactus!!

Severe beatdown from Uncanny X-Men #171, 1983

The Tao of Iron Fist

Prescient words from 33 years ago:

I really, really hope that scene is in the next Iron Man movie...

By the way, how long has it been since anyone has called Iron Man "The Golden Avenger?"

Kung Fu billionaire vs. armored billionaire in Iron Fist #1, 1975.

Why Earth-S Was a Lousy Place To Live

An alternate universe I wouldn't care to live in:

Yup, it's Chris Sims' greatest nightmare: a world where facekicks have no meaning.

His reaction would surely be something like this:




Welcome back from vacation, Chris.

Depressingly useless facekick is from Shazam #28, (1977), and I promise it's the last thing I'll ever post from that issue...

Digital Comic Update--Star Trek

Well, we've had a number of discussions here about how DC hates us, and how Marvel hates us but still wants our money so at least they're giving us something, on the issue of digital comics.

But they're not the only players in town. Coming September 1st from our good buddies at GIT Corp:

Yup, every Star Trek comic EVER, from 1967-2002. From assorted publishers, including Gold Key, Marvel, DC, Wildstorm, and Malibu. TOS, TNG, DS9, and Voyager. Annuals, mini-series, one-shots. Doesn't include the stuff published under the current IDW license, but man o man...And unlike one of the more annoying aspects of their Marvel sets (no issues from crossovers that happened in "other" titles, so you get incomplete stories), this time they've got it all.

Yeah, there's some real crap in there--you ever read any of those Gold Key Star Treks??--but 500 issues of Star Trek on one DVD-Rom?? You can't beat that with a stick. So order it from Amazon, or bug your comic shop to get it. And GIT Corp...keep on keeping on.

Memo to DC: Are you at all embarrassed that other people are putting out digital versions of comics that you published, while you're giving us nada? Dudes...wake up!!

Confidential memo to Siskoid: This is what you do when you're done with the episodes...review one Star Trek comic per day...it's perfect!!

Manic Monday--Reed Richards In a Nutshell

Too bad you couldn't be so clever when it came to that Civil War nonsense, Reed...

Reed Richards expands the Dewey Decimal System in Fantastic Four: True Story #1

An Open Letter To Joe Quesada

Regarding Spider-Man: Brand New Day--Extra!! #1.

Mr. Quesada (may I call you Joe?), do you actually read the comics that go out with your name on them? Because I simply can't believe you let this one go through.

Now note, on the cover, this comic is "Rated A," which, according to Marvel's own website, means the books in question is "appropriate for ages 9 and up."

How then, do we explain this scene, wherein Spider-Man is mocking the gangster/villain Hammerhead for having a flat head?

Really.

So in an A rated book, it's alright to make none-too-veiled references to terrifically bad (not to mention demeaning) jokes about oral sex?

And to do this in a Spider-Man book, which is probably particularly likely to be picked up by kids?

And before you or your minions try to claim it's somehow not a reference to the distasteful fellatio joke, explain why Spider-Man gives us the sotto voce "You'll get it when you're older."

I'm not a prude, Joe. But I don't believe that a comic you've approved for nine-year-olds is an appropriate place for bl#$%^b jokes. And somehow, I don't believe that Peter Parker would stoop to that type of humor, either. Then again, since you had him sell his soul to the devil, maybe his standards in humor have become corrupted. Is that why we have Brand New Day--so Spider-Man can make coy references to sex acts in front of the children??

So congratulations to Joe Kelly (writer) and Stephen Wacker, Tom Brennan, Tom Brevoort, and you (all listed as various levels of editor on this story). You've dragged Spider-Man down to the level of a sniggering Hustler cartoon. Thanks a lot.

snell

Billy Batson Explains Current Affairs--Identity Crisis

So, continuing with Shazam #28 (1977), as Billy Batson teaches all about the world.

The scene: Black Adam has returned, but fortunately, he's so stupid that even Uncle Dudley can outwit him:

But what's to stop him from saying the magic word again ??


"That should do it??" How??

Oh, yes, of course...the amnesia punch!! Hit him precisely right, and he forgets all about being a bad guy!! And you can do it at will!!

You know, Identity Crisis would have been a lot more fun if this was how they brainwashed people. Not actually good, mind you...but more fun. Nothing against Zatanna, but a good ol' punch beats talking backwards any day.

Two lessons to take away here:

A) Stop kvetching about heroes brainwashing people!! It's a good thing!! Captain Marvel says so, and he's got the Wisdom of Solomon!! (Unless, of course, old Shazam meant the wisdom of Solomon Grundy...??) If Captain Marvel says it's good, it must be good!!

B) Evil Mary Marvel had better watch out...

Friday Night Fights--Warrior Princess Style!!

Friday Night Fights is back, and by royal proclamation, it's the ladies' turn.

So what better way to start than a little Xena/Callisto action??




Sadly, as this point Gabrielle steps in and stops them from fight more, for some godforsaken reason.

But if Bahalactus had been there, well, it would have been total Thunderdome, baby!

Warrior princess versus faux warrior princess action from Dynamite's Xena #2, 2006. We miss you, Xena...