Billy Batson Explains Current Affairs--Busing!!

The best reason to troll the quarter bin is that sometimes, you just can't freakin' believe what you end up reading. For example, check out Shazam! #28, 1977. Billy Batson is in Boston, and...well, just read it:




Thank you, Billy Batson, for using the wisdom of Solomon to explain the complex, frustrating and often violent issues of desegregating Boston schools!! (and yes, that was 100% of what was in the comic book as relates to the issue...)

And thank you, E. Nelson Bridwell and Kurt Schaffenberger, for presenting complex socio-political phenomena in a children's comic with no context or discussion of actual issues whatsoever!!

This is going to be a continuing series, kids. See Billy Batson discuss capital punishment!! Watch Billy Batson take on cloning and stem cells!! See Billy Batson deal with Identity Crisis!!

And that's all just in one issue...

Ding Dong!!

A silly activity page from Charlton's Abbott & Costello #19 (1971):

OK, not the silliest thing ever from a kiddie comic book, but still pretty silly.

Not silly enough, though, to keep me from filling out my own:

Now that would be a cool building!!

So who would you put in the building? Show your work...

A Hearty Welcome...

...from the DC Universe to the Archie Heroes. Specifically, a huge welcome to the green-and-yellow garbed standout, The Fly!!


Oops, wrong cover...how ever could I have made that mistake? Anyway, here's The Fly:

So, just out of curiosity...the whole point of Final Crisis is to bring Archie and Milestone into DC continuity? Why, you sly Grant Morrison...

Manic Monday--No Respect

Damn...Poor Harvey Dent can't even get no respect in the food spin-off category. Can't a man even get a fruit roll-up named after him, yo?

Excelsior??

Amidst the all the San Diego announcements that made DC sound like they were on a bad 90's acid flashback (Archie heroes?!? Milestone?!?), a thought occurred to me.

Geoff Johns is currently the Stan Lee of DC.

Whoa, whoa, back down, people. Let me clarify.

I'm not talking about in terms of creating a whole universe. And I'm not at all discussing in terms of talent. That's not what this post is about.

But just look at what we've got, in terms on impact on DC's output.

He's writing half the Superman Universe, and working closely in tandem with James Robinson on the other. He's writing Green Lantern, and directing all things Oan. He's writing the Justice Society, the cornerstone intergenerational legacy series of the DC Universe. He's writing the upcoming Legion of 3 Worlds, which is all about "building the Legion back up" and defining "who the Legion of Super-heroes are, and what the next step is for the Legion." (You'd think that would be a job for the man actually writing the main Legion title, which has led to plenty of speculation that Johns might be replacing Jim Shooter as the permanent author on Legion)

And now it's been announced that he is writing Flash: Rebirth, bringing back Barry Allen. And if you go by both the example of Green Lantern: Rebirth AND all of the plans Johns and artist Ethan Van Sciver discussed, it seems most likely that Johns will be taking over Flash, whatever form that mag takes.

Now, I'll emphasize again, I'm not here to discuss the pro or cons of Johns' plots, or writing style. But just look at how much DC he "controls" right now. He's in charge of Superman, Flash, Green Lantern, the JSA, and the Legion of Super-Heroes. In the modern comics' age, that's pretty darn unprecedented, isn't it? About the only thing missing from that portfolio is a Bat title. So many major properties, all in the creative hands of one man? And when you throw in the fact that DC seems unable to keep a creative on most of their other books for longer than 6 months at a time, well, it just looks more impressive by comparison.

I'm sure someone will correct me, but I think you have to go back to the late 60's, when Stan was writing or editing every Marvel title, to find the last time 1 creator had that much influence over the entire line of one of the Big Two.

Again, I'm neither approving nor disapproving. Hell, since DC editors don't seem capable, maybe having the same writer on so many titles will restore some sense of continuity to the DC Universe. I just find it curious that DC is putting so many of their eggs into one basket, as it were.

DC is Geoff Johns' world, and we're just living in it.

I Love It...

...when I'm right.

Comics I Wish I Had--Lois Lane #9

Dude, you have no idea how MUCH I want to read this issue!! Why??

A) Of course, there's the mystery reason Kal-El must use "all his superpowers" (really? Super-ventriloquism, too?) to prevent the song from becoming a hit. Aren't you dying to know it? Don't you just know that it's something ridiculously silly? Like, somehow it gives away his secret ID? Or somehow, the words and notes of the song just coincidentally mean something else in some alien tongue and will cause an alien invasion? Or somehow the song violates a pledge Superman made to Pa Kent? Then again, knowing DC, the cover is probably inaccurate, and Supes doesn't have to stop the song at all...

B) Pat Boone. I mean, Pat Boone. Somehow, I doubt "using all my super powers" means beating the crap out of Pat Boone or stranding him in the past, but we can hope.

C) The barely concealed arrogance of Superman assuming that any song about him will become a hit. Ego much?

D) The comically misdrawn guitar Pat is playing on the cover. I love you, Curt Swan, but is that a ukulele? Piano and ukulele duets must have been quite the rage in 1959. Or is Pat Boone a giant (or is the song itself mutating him??)?

E) Really, would putting Pat Boone on your cover move a lot of extra comics for you 1959? If so, that explains a heckuva lot about my parents' generation...

F) Then again, a mere 4 months after this issue appeared, Pat did get his own DC comics series...really!! So maybe he did move some issues...It lasted only 5 issues, but look at the clean-cut goodness!!

Bold Fashion Choices--Invisible Kid

Maybe I was sleeping, but when, exactly, did Invisible Kid end up with Invincible's costume??

Maybe there was a typo somewhere at the costume department...

Because the past Has Absolutely No Relation to the Future...

DC Comics' current attitude towards fans summarized nicely:

"Everybody should stop worrying about what came out, and be excited about what's coming out," said DiDio.

That a boy, Dan...keep 'em distracted with nonsense...

Batman HSM??

Where to go with the franchise after The Dark Knight? Only one direction seems possible:

Coming in 2011--Batman: Gotham City Musical!!

Silliness courtesy of Robin #175 (sort of)

My Head Just Exploded

From Newsarama:

"BOOM! Studios is also proud to announce Editor-in-Chief Mark Waid will be writing THE INCREDIBLES comic book, featuring cover art by DC: THE NEW FRONTIER writer and artist Darwyn Cooke!"

The Old Order Changeth??

There have been rumors floating around for months that Jim Shooter is going to be off the Legion of Super-Heroes.

Well, he's an interview with Geoff Johns, writer of the upcoming Legion of 3 Worlds, today at Newsarama:

Geoff Johns: Legion of 3 Worlds, while an epic on its own, sets up a lot of things for 2009 in the DCU. It’s grown out of my work on Action Comics, Justice Society of America, Green Lantern, The Flash, Teen Titans and Infinite Crisis. It’s strange, looking at it in the big picture. It’s a culmination in a sense for me and leads me to the next level and the next books.

NRAMA: So this story will have ramifications on more than just the 31st Century?

GJ: There are some major ramifications. Specifically in titles I’m working on and going to be working on. One will be announced in San Diego.

So, I'll wager 50,000 quatloos that the book announced at San Diego is the Legion. Any takers?

BTW, if you're too lazy to read the interview, the 3 legions involved are the "original" Legion (don't get me started) as depicted in their recent Action Comics run, the Zero Hour Legion, and the current Shooter run (based off the Waid reboot).

An Opposing Viewpoint

Last week, I ragged on DC's first foray into digitial comics, the "Motion Comic."

Well, today Newsarama had an interview with a couple or Warner corporate weasels discussing the concept. So in the interest of fairness, I'll present the link to it.

Warning: if you're allergic to corporate double-speak, you might want to be careful. "Designed to maximize this medium?" "Leverage the strength of the digital experience?" "We do look at core art assets to make sure they can be effectively utilized?" Yeesh. DC has been taken over by the Borg.

I Remember It As If It Were Just Yesterday...

From Marvel's October solicits, as presented at Newsarama:

SPIDER-MAN: BRAND NEW DAY #1Written by DAN SLOTT Pencils & Cover by STEVE MCNIVEN Get on the BRAND NEW DAY bandwagon with the new ongoing series, reprinting the thrice-monthly AMAZING SPIDER-MAN in chronological order! Prepare for what promises to be the most pulse-pounding piece of four-color fiction to be delivered unto the Mighty Marvel Minions in decades! You asked for more Spidey! You demanded it! And, by Buckley, you're gonna get it! After the devastatingly heartwarming events of ONE MORE DAY, Peter Parker puts the past behind him and sets forth on a BRAND NEW DAY! Collecting AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #546-547.56 PGS./Rated A ...$4.99

So, let me get this straight. Marvel's going to publish an ongoing monthly series reprinting issues THAT AREN'T EVEN A YEAR OLD YET?!?!?!

Really? REALLY?!?

I mean, really?!?!!?!?!!?

UPDATED--A Man Alone?

UPDATE: It looks it was indeed Marvel policy to keep Brand New Day Spider-Man isolated from the rest of the Marvel Universe. Quesada at San Diego CC: "When we started 'Brand New Day,' we didn't want Spider-Man to start crossing over into the bigger Marvel universe. But now we're starting to bring in the old villains. You're going to see those guys in full force."

I love it when I'm right.

Back to the original post:

While reading Amazing Spider-Man #566, I noticed something.

Seeing Peter hop around in a spare Daredevil costume (what, Peter has no spare Spider suits?? One goes missing and he's out of business??), I realized that, since Brand New Day began, Peter Parker has essentially been isolated from the rest of the Marvel Universe.

There's probably a few good reasons for this, of course. Bendis' decision to make the Avengers mags all flashbacks about non-Avengers has certainly eliminated (temporarily, I hope) one of Spider-Man's main venues for interacting with other Marvel characters.

The directive that we have all-new villains has, I think, distanced Spider-Man, by not letting him interact with anyone who might have interacted with anyone else.

Unofficially, I wonder if the writers just don't want to deal with the headache of having to figure out exactly what Spidey's continuity is with other characters, what they're supposed to remember and what their current, Mephisto-altered relationship with the wallcrawler is supposed to be. Given that the Marvel "brain trust" seems to have yet to have decided exactly what's in and what's out after the retcon, it's maybe the wiser strategy.

But whatever the reason, until Daredevil showed up the past couple of issues, it's been pretty lonely for Spider-Man. And wasn't that always one of the great things about Spider-Man, that you could never tell who might turn up in his mag? Even without Marvel Team-Up, you could never tell when The Human Torch, or the Punisher, or Captain America, or Nightcrawler, or Daredevil, or gosh knows who might show up, even if only for a cameo.

But under Brand New Day (question: at what point does it stop being a brand new day??), it's almost as if Spidey were in some alternate pocket universe created by the Time Trapper, or a static warp bubble, or something. Is that what Mephisto did? Hmmm......

But really, I don't care. Dan Slott et. al., let's have Spidey start interacting with the Marvel Universe again. Please??

Hurray Me!!

Today is the one-year anniversary of this skeevy little blog. Yay me!!

I Object!!

From Final Crisis: Rogues' Revenge #1:


Talk about self-serving pablum. Let's go to the tapes, shall we?

SPOILER ALERT: Flash just vibrated through the floor)

(SPOILER ALERT: The Flash on the ground is really an evil Flash from a "mirror dimension.")

Look, the Rogues claiming that they never tried to kill the Flash has all the credibility of Luthor bawling that he never tried to kill Superman. The Rogues, individually or together, left him in death trap after death trap (after death trap) in virtually every issue of the Silver Age. We just saw them above making great merry because they thought they had blown him to kingdom come!! I could have posted panels from about 100 issues if mine Flashes weren't all buried right now.

So the big question is this: is this Geoff Johns writing the Rogues as experiencing extreme cognitive dissonance at finally succeeding at killing a Flash? Or is this Geoff Johns actually retconning 25 years of Barry Allen Flash stories, arguing that the villains never really were trying to kill him, that the Silver Age shenanigans were only just "a game?" That they "let" Flash escape all those dooms?

Either way, it's kinda lame, isn't it? Plus, of course, the title of the whole series is ridiculous. "Rogues Revenge?" The person they're getting revenge against is Inertia. Why? Because they helped him kill the Flash. HUH???

Silver Age panels from Flash #155 (1965) & #174 (1967), as reprinted in Countdown Special: The Flash.

Brace Yourselves...

...but I actually liked this week's Mighty Avengers!!

I know, I know, what is this world coming to?

A couple of notes:

A) Given that issue details the background of Skrullektra, who was killed and revealed in the New Avengers; and how she was behind the prison break on the Raft, which was the impetus for re-forming the New Avengers in NA #1; given that, shouldn't this particular batch of flashbackery have taken place in New Avengers rather than Mighty Avengers?? Or is there any rhyme or reason to the well-nigh infinite run of "fill in the past" stories in those two mags?

B) Hey, look, powered Skrulls actually using, you know, powers:


One of the biggest beefs I've had with Skrullapalooza and its spin-offs is that all we get are massive indecipherable melees, with generic Skrulls in amalgamated costumes (because, you know, Skrulls apparently can mimic powers only if the mimic costumes, too). Part of that is because of the artistic shortcomings of Leinil Yu, who couldn't draw a comprehensible fight scene if you paid him (oh, wait, they are paying him). Lots of dudes with Colossus arms and visors, not a lot of bamfing or actual power use.

So, thanks for throwing us this bone, Bendis and Pham.

C) Not to get all persnickety here, but with all of these flashback issues of NA and MA, don't you get the feeling that Bendis is just shouting at the top of his lungs, "Look how clever I am, look at all of these clues I've been planting for the last 3 1/2 years, and now I'm going to show you every single one of them in intense detail just to prove how clever I am."??

Bendis is sort of the anti-Morrison...Morrison would die before he would stoop to explain any of his references, and Bendis will sidetrack the entire runs of two separate mags to do it.

I'm just saying, enough, Bendis. We get it. You're clever. Can we please have some Avengers stories, with actual Avengers in them, again??

But I did like Mighty Avengers #16. Really.

DC Doesn't Get It

You've all heard me bemoaning the lack of any kind of availability of DC's archives in a cheap and friendly digital form. No matter what the drawbacks of Marvel's current formats, they sure as hell beat NOTHING. Which is what DC had.

Well, no more. Earlier this week, Warner Bros Digital Distribution announced this:

Wow. Talk about ridiculously underwhelming.

Instead of giving us what we want--just the comics, man--Warner is going to tart them up with narration and "motion." And charge us $1.99 per issue for the privilege.

No, I'm not making this up.

On the GIT Corp DVD-ROMs, we got 500+ comics for less than 50 bucks. Complete runs of Fantastic Four, Amazing Spider-Man, Avengers, etc.

Even Marvel's forthcoming DVD releases are giving us 50 issues for 50 bucks.

And you can. if you choose, subscribe to Marvel Digital Comics Unlimited online, and for a monthly fee have access to 27,000+ back issues, all you can read.

Again, you can quibble with Marvel's formats. But lordy, DC, you're making them look good. $1.99 per? Downloads for my phone (if I happen to have Verizon with VCast)? Relatively recent releases that almost everyone who cares to already has? With the craptacular "subtle motion" of panning a camera over a panel and using computers to move figures around? With one guy doing ALL of the voices??

Listen carefully, DC (or Warner...DC is mentioned just once in the whole press release!). You have in your possession the largest, most valuable store of comic archives in the world. And you're just sitting on them, releasing them in ridiculous teensy drabs, while Marvel is freaking eating your lunch. You're getting shut out of a growing market, a huge potential source of income, not to mention a way to attract new, younger fans. How many of your readers have never read a Golden Age JSA or Flash story, and don't want to spend $50 on an Archive? You want to attract new Legion readers? Don't just publish another randomly selected "Legion's Greatest Hits" trade...that's not the best way to hook people. They need to follow the month to month relationships and soap operas. Make 'em available on a cheap DVD set.

Use those archives, DC. Get creative. Find a way to use them that Marvel is missing out on. Can you imagine what the readership would be for an online reprinting of all the stories Grant Morrison is referencing in R.I.P. or Final Crisis?? Surely there are lots of innovations, far more creative than this con job you're pulling.

Issue #1 of Watchman "motion comic" is a free download for iTunes for a couple of weeks, so check it out if you're interested. But you won't be impressed.

R.I.P.

The editors regret to inform you that snell has passed on from this mortal coil, having expired from a massive, two hour and 40 minute nerdgasm.

However, given that his last words were "I'm going to see that movie every f#$%ing day for the rest of my f#$%ing life," we suspect an overly convenient and relatively painless resurrection is at hand.

Tales From the Quarter Bin--Dr. Fate????

I've done German comics, I've done Greek comics...but have I done Mexican comics? Let's take a look at Fantastic Four #84 (1969), in the familiar English:

And now the Mexican version:

Wait a minute...that can't be the right translation, can it? Here's the back cover:

Yup...although Google translator and Alta Vista Babelfish both disagree, the translators of this issue thought the proper translation of Doctor Doom is Doctor Fate (or Doctor Destiny).

These guys do know they're doing Marvel, right?

One more difference worth noting. Here's the original splash page:

And the Mexican:

Really makes you appreciate a good letterer, eh? It's surprisingly off-putting to see an entire issue lettered by typewriter.

And to my poor Mexican compatriots--in 1981 you were getting reprints from 1969 passed off as new? Man, that sucks...

Weekend News, Notes and Whines

Whew...I'm out of breath from Marvel 1968 Week...so just a couple of (relative) quickies before the All-Star break:

***They had me until they said Jim Lee:
I'm glad to see DC finally pretend to have an actual movie plan, even if at this point it seems a little too much like a "me too" after Marvel's summer success. Still, it's got to be an improvement over the embarrassing "on-again, off-again, let's spread casting/writing/directing stories and then cancel the projects" we've seen over the past couple of years involving DC properties.

Still, Jim Lee?

***Heaven forbid Marvel 1968 prevent me from bitching about Marvel 2008. Namely, Skrullapalooza. Let skip back to Secret Invasion #1, where the S.W.O.R.D. space station is destroyed:

And now, #4:

So, even if we grant that Agent Brand was grossly underestimating the amount of oxygen she had left, these scenes mean that the entire series has taken place over what, 15 minutes?? 4 issues, 15 minutes. Wow, that has got to be some kind of new record for slow paced.

In his review this week, Caleb said, "This is a much busier issue than the last." But it really wasn't. Everything that happened was already covered elsewhere, usually better (Ms. Marvel's battles), full pages were spent for "reveals" that were already revealed elsewhere (we already knew S.H.I.E.L.D. was infiltrated with Skrulls, so why spend one whole page recapping that Jarvis-Skrull wants Maria Hill to surrender??), and lots of scurrying around, signifying absolutely nothing (Nick Fury's Avenger Babies--what exactly they were doing or accomplished, nobody knows or cares). I'll have to admit, Bendis et al have concealed it fairly masterfully. But 4 issues in, and we've had one issue's worth of plot development, if that. 4 issues, 15 minutes...wow.

***Would it be wrong of me to say that I liked Hellboy I better than I did Hellboy II? Because I did. Sorry.

***I know that Geoff Johns is bound and determined to revert Superman's status quo to pre-Crisis. And more power to him, I guess. But this bit from Action Comics #867 bugged me:

What he have here is sort of the "Indy in the refrigerator" problem. E.g., in Indy IV, when your hero survives a freaking actual nuclear explosion in the opening bit, well, you've pretty much told your audience that your hero is invulnerable, so every other bit of "peril" for the rest of the movie seems trite and unconvincing.

Same deal here. I mean look at that--we have a solar flare or whatever that VAPORISED AT LEAST THE ENTIRE QUARTER OF THE PLANET that Superman was standing on. And he survived.

Is Superman really that strong/tough/invulnerable? Should he be?? I mean, come on...the next time the Toyman shows up, what's the point? Or even Doomsday. Now that we know that nothing on Earth except some stray kryptonite can kill him, has Johns made the character boring by making him too goddmaned powerful?? (And don't get me started on Brainiac being as powerful as the Death Star...)

I like the story so far, but I wonder about the long term consequences. And next time Johns shows Kal-El staggered by some crappy ray blast or such, well, we'll know he was just puffing this sequence up to make us go "wow!"

MEANWHILE...

I'm taking a personal All-Star break to recharge my blogging batteries. I'll be back Thursday (unless something really fascinating comes up). Peace out, y'all..and go, National League!!

Marvel 1968 Week--Captain America #103

It's time to bring our time travelling trek to Marvel 1968 to an end, as we take a patriotically infused swim into the waters of Captain America #103!!

We start of with a quiet dinner in a local restaurant for Steve Rogers and fascist S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Sharon Rogers:

Brought to us by, of course:

Steve shows why he's a man for all eras:

But, after a face full of knockout gas, a bunch of thugs kidnap the future murderer of Captain America:


Of course, Exile Island is the home of Red Skull and his troupe of exiled Nazi misfits:


What a fun looking bunch. What do they do for fun??


Please don't press the rod!! Uhh...anyway, Cap is swimming to Exile Island, using an oxygen re breather he claims Tony Stark invented, but that we know damn well came from Q in Thunderball:

And like S.P.E.C.T.R.E., the Skull has surrounded his island with uniquely cool but amazingly insane traps.

Cap (after blowing up part of the installation with a kamikaze speedboat attack) makes it to land, and starts to dispatch Nazi goons!


After Cap gets taken down by a sucker punch, the Skull begins to implement his master plan:

Oh, so that's the deal with the rod!

Skull and the hideously ugly exiles quarrel over exactly how to split up the world:

Cap and Sharon, his baby momma to be, escape, but convenient thought balloons let us know that the Skull is allowing them to escape, to better implement phase two of his evil scheme. He and Cap battle whilst discussing political philosophy, as only Stan and Jack can portray:



...he and Sharon blast off, as the Skull claims triumph:

You know, there is something so totally timeless about this issue...1848, 1968, 2008...it's Cap, dammit.

Given that there's been some talk on the blogs lately about whether or not comics would better be served by more stand-alone stories, I thought I'd present this 40 year-old letter from Bill Hayes:
There we go--case closed, 4 decades ago!!

MEANWHILE, ELSEWHERE IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE:

Feeling flush with the success of their empire, Marvel was going to try to push the boundaries a bit. From the Bullpen Bulletins:

Not a comic book?? A glossy magazine?!? Not shelved with the comic books, but with regular magazines?!?

Marvel put a ton of promotion into this, with Bullpen Bulletin items for months, a Stan's Soapbox ("an entirely new concept in superhero presentation!"), full page house ads...and yes, it did appear:

A collector's item? Well, sort of...the concept lasted a whole 2 issues. Sorry, Marvel, you can't win them all. (PRO-TIP: maybe you shouldn't have made that debut issue black & white, a fact that wasn't even mentioned in all the promotion...)

And so endeth Marvel 1968 week. What hath 40 years wrought? Some things have changed (the X-Men popular?!?), some remain the same (Cap Vs. Red Skull!!), and some are "startling" plot twists that just crop up every few decades (Jarvis betrays the Avengers?!). Some of this big issues we like to debate today--retcons, too much product published, stand alone vs. continued stories--were around back then; we just like to pretend they're new issues today.

Hope you've enjoyed the tour.

Friday Night Fights--Hulk 1968 Style!!

Even Friday Night Fights cannot derail our piercing the misty veils of time back to Marvel 1968!! Join us, as we gaze at Hulk #105:

Who's that guy? Well, you're not going to believe this...but Red Chinese underground nuclear tests freed and irradiated a "missing link." He grew big and mean, and the Chinese were only barely able to subdue him temporarily. So what did they do with the "Beast-Man?" Why, surreptitiously dump him in New York City, where he can damage capitalist interests!!

Well, by one of those Marvel coincidence, the Hulk is wandering around the Big Apple. So what happens when they meet??

Ouch!! But, of course, you can't keep a good Hulk down:

And how do you finish him off? Why, dump a building on him, of course!!

See, that's what would happen if anybody was crazy enough to let Hulk wander around New York City...

You know who else could tear down NYC? Let's just say there's a reason they don't let Bahlactus wander the Bronx...

MARVEL 1968 WEEK EXTRA!!

As those of you who have been tripping into the past all week with me know, I've been presenting a letter from each classic issue. Well, this may be Friday Night Fights, but I see no reason to stop. Today, Richard Howell gets the answer to a question that's always bugged me...or does he?!?

Certain postal regulations?!? Really? Can anyone out there explain to me??

Saturday--the 1968 finale, as we visit with a guy known as...Captain America!!

Marvel 1968 Week--Iron Man #3

Faithful fans, we're going to do things a bit differently today, as we head back 4 decades:

How different? Well, I won't be narrating the highlights of Iron Man #3 alone. No, I've brought along a special guest commentator: Mr. Tony Stark himself!!

snell: Well, Mr. Stark, are you ready to review this blast from your past?

Stark: Yes, I am, snell. And please, call me Tony!!

snell: So I shall. Let's start with the splash page from the issue in question:

Stark: Wow, that brings back memories!!

snell: How so?

Stark: Well, you see me thinking about Janice Cord (had her!!) She died in my arms awhile after this...what a tragedy...

snell: Perhaps if you'd been a registered hero, that tragedy wouldn't have happened.

Stark: What was that?

snell: Nothing. Let's look, as we always do, at the credits for this issue:

Stark (laughing): Good old Archie and Johnny!! Always good for a joke!!

snell: Huh?

Stark: Well, just look at it--they feature a shot of my iron-clad ass (and a nice ass it is, too), in the same panel they talk about the Uranus rocket!! Oh, what cards!! The nights we spent laughing about that at the night clubs...

snell: Now, now, Tony...remember your 12 steps. Anyway, tell us what happens next:




Stark: Well, Uranus is collapsing (laughing)--sorry--and I've got to catch it, or lots of innocent folks will die. But, my batteries were almost drained dry from the previous issue's battle, so it's going to be rough.

snell: That's right. A lot of are readers might not remember, but back in those days, your heart was severely weakened, and only your fully powered chest plate could keep it beating!

Stark: That's right. Medical science hadn't yet caught up with my fantastic technological abilities, so I was trapped in that damned chest plate forever. Try explaining that to the ladies!!

snell: And what's that Viet Nam reference? That would make you, what, in your 70s today?

Stark (coughing): Wha--?? No, no, obviously the letterer made a mistake... I remember clearly thinking "Afghanistan" in that panel.

snell: Well, it looks like you succeeded in rescuing those folks--

Stark (interrupting): Of course!

snell:--but at considerable cost to yourself! Still, doesn't it seem like you're over-dramatizing just a bit?

Stark: Hey, you try holding up a freakin' rocket with a defective ticker. When things start to go black for you, maybe you'll emote a little bit, too.

snell: But look at this:

snell: You walk past some people who could help you! Friends of Iron Man, who would be glad to plug you in!! Yet you keep all this pain to your interior monologue!!

Stark: Well, snell, the first thing to remember is, back in those days, women went for the strong, silent types. They weren't yet ready for men who wore their emotions on their sleeves. That's why I scored so many babes, as opposed to--just for example--Spider-Man. He whined all the time, and what did it get him?

Secondly, that's Whitney Frost. Doesn't she look hot? Well, I had her. So I guess I was doing something right.

snell: Let's follow along, as you make it to your lab and manage to save yourself:


snell: Do you still think you don't come across as a little melodramatic here?

Stark: Well, in my defense, in those days very few people knew my secret identity...so it's not as if I could go talk over my problems with someone. And without teammates around, well, all my emotions had to go into interior monologues, unless you wanted blank panels.

snell: Fair enough. Well, we saw that you temporarily saved yourself, but your heart was too damaged for your old armor to help anymore. So what did you do?

Stark: Well, as you know, I am a futurist. And as the panel above shows you, I pretty much invented integrated circuits back in 1968. Eat my shorts, Intel!! Hmmm, I think I'll buy them tomorrow!!

snell: Too bad the "futurist" hadn't upgraded the armor earlier, as now you were too weak to do it yourself. How did you get around that?

Stark: Well, fortunately, my good friend Happy Hogan figured out I was in trouble from press reports, and as he was one of the few who knew my secret identity, he came to help.

Oh, and there's Pepper Potts, my once and former and once again secretary. Had her.

snell: Hmmm, I'd never noticed this before--Marvel had Happy Hogan and Hogun the Grim.

Stark (laughing): That's great!! Marvel should have teamed them up!! With Hulk Hogan!! Hogan's Heroes!! (Laughter)

snell: Well, you have Happy help you build and power up your new armor, but things go awry:



snell: Now, given that you're a futurist, couldn't you have foreseen that having Happy working with cobalt radiation could have a bad result, as it had turned him into the Freak once before?

Stark: I resent that! I was dying! Happy volunteered! And his disobeyed my orders by turning the device all the way up!!

snell: Well, Tony, it seems like you put Happy into an awful lot of danger over the years. Here, you even think so yourself:


snell: In fact, Happy dies from injuries received while working for you. And then in your recent movie, the character is given just a cameo. It almost seems like you're trying to marginalize him from the beginning, to give yourself a shot at Pepper.

Stark: I don't think I like the direction this is taking! Besides, have you seen Gwyneth Paltrow? No way am I letting Jon Favreau be her boyfriend in the movie. And, since I know what the next question is, yes, I had her. Can we move on to the last panel now?

Stark: See, all's well that ends well. I saved Pepper, and restored Happy. And as he was around for another 38 years, I don't think you can say I was trying to harm him.

snell: Well, before we go Mr. Stark, I just want to discuss some of your changes with you. As we see here, in the olden days you were in constant danger of over-taxing your heart, and your Iron Man identity masked a lot of real human frailty beneath it. Now, your body is in perfect health, and with Extremis, you're powerful beyond human imagining. You're also the driving force behind the biggest political revolution of modern times, the Super Hero Registration Act. And you've become Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. How do you feel about the path you've traveled?

Stark: Well, first of all, I'm not that powerful. Whenever comic writers amp up a character's powers, they almost immediately have to make up a bunch of new weaknesses, lest he become uninteresting. It's like giving Hal Jordan "the most powerful weapon in the universe" and then telling him he can't use it on yellow. In my case, despite Extremis, I've recently been slapped around by Doctor Doom, by Skrulls, hell, by Jarvis...so I'm not as powerful as everyone seems to think.

As to the other changes, well, as I said, I am a futurist. I saw the path the country was on if I didn't act, so I did. The rest just fell into place.

snell: But some have hinted that maybe you orchestrated some of the events of the so-called Civil War, to better the chances for the agenda you wished to push through. Is that true?

Stark (loudly): No comment! (He leaves).

Well, just me again. Sensitive guy for someone who effectively runs the free world these days. I didn't even get a chance to ask him to help me sort out whether or not S.H.I.E.L.D. is an American or international group...it seems to act like both, depending on what issue it is.

Anyway, here's this issue's letter:

I applaud you, David Hodgen, for being appropriately nerdy about your super-heroes. And, whoever edited the letter column, I applaud you for the implication that Iron Man is bi-sexual!!

ELSEWHERE IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE:


Ahhh, Gene Colan-drawn Daredevil....from the Bullpen Bulletins: "It had to happen! You are about to witness 'The Death of Mike Murdock!' But, what happens to Matt Murdock? And how does Daredevil battle the Exterminator and his Unholy Three? Well, why not see for yourself?"

You know, given the pathetic tatters of Daredevil's secret identity these days, a revival of Mike Murdock might not be a bad idea...are you listening, Rucka and Brubaker??

Stark: Sorry...just wanted to pop back in and say that I've invented a device that would help Daredevil regain his sight...if only he were registered...

snell: What a dick you are, Tony.

Marvel 1968 Week--X-Men #46

Of course, we couldn't do a whole week celebrating Marvel 1968 without taking a look at that comic book juggernaut, that publishing phenomenon known as the X-Men.

But, perhaps surprisingly to those too young to remember, The X-Men wasn't a juggernaut back then. Indeed, it was a back burner title, almost an afterthought. Mutant hysteria amongst comics fans was still a decade away. Believe it or not, there was one, and only one, X-title published in 1968, and that one was plagued by crappy sales. How crappy, you might ask? So crappy that in 1970, even though Neal Adams had been drawing the book for a year, the book was canceled, and was later resurrected as a reprint-only, bi-monthly mag. That's right, kiddies--for a 5-year+ period, there were NO new X-men stories. Kinda hard to believe, if you look at the comics shelves today.

So, getting back to 1968, we have a "chicken or the egg" question--did the X-Men have bad sales because lesser talents were being assigned to it, or were lesser talents being assigned to it because of low sales? Only Stan knows. But a look at the credits box for X-Men #68 shows us that none of the Marvel A-team were involved:

Not to pick on Gary Friedrich and Don Heck and Werner Roth, but Lee/Kirby or Thomas/Buscema this ain't, as we'll see.

We start at the funeral of Professor X:

Yes, his funeral. He's dead. Really dead. D-E-D. Kaput. Not a dream, not a hoax, not an imaginary story. How do we know this? Because the letters page tells us so:

Of course, this just goes to show us that retcons are nothing new...within two years a new regime would reveal that Charles had been alive the whole time!! Let's watch as our heroes pine for their late teacher:

What, Bobby Drake doesn't get to mourn?? That's just cold...This panel also show us that retcon-induced continuity snafus are nothing new, either...the same issue that revives Charles will tell us that Jean Grey knew all along that he was alive. Which means what, she was lying to herself in this panel??

We go off for the reading of his will (because he's really dead), and look, a special guest star:

Oh, Foggy, are you slumming again? Well, the will has no surprises, so let's skip ahead to...the Crimson Cosmos!!:

Ah, our good friend Cain Marko, Xavier's half-brother, the dreaded Juggernaut!! He's where the X-Men last left him, exiled to the Crimson Cosmos (home dimension of the Ruby of Cytorrak, don't you know?). Well, he's not getting out...

Uh-oh.

A brief interlude. I've always suspected that one reason the 1960's X-Men never caught on was their lame-ass costumes. The first set, all blue (or black, depending on the printing that month) & yellow and hideous, were not one of Jack Kirby's greatest moments, and subsequent artists couldn't make them look any better. Then they were these weird, discordant, day-glo colored outfits, and nobody particularly matched anybody, and they looked like refugees from a bad kiddie cartoon. And then came this, my personal nomination for the worst super-hero costume of all time:


Ah, Warren, that is...eye-meltingly bad. Shudder.

Back to our story. Marko's facing a big hurdle in his quest for revenge against Xavier:

Of course, he doesn't believe it, and since he was going to kill the X-Men anyway, well, his belief that they're lying to him just gives him extra incentive.

There follows a long, extended battle replete with ridiculously bad storytelling. This is a perfect example of telling instead of showing. Example one:

You'd think it was pretty clear from the artwork that Juggernaut was hurtling a piece of machinery at Scott. But either because he thought the art wasn't clear enough, or because he couldn't think of anything else to say, Friedrich has Scott narrate this to us as if it were a book on tape, instead of, you know, a comic book with pictures. Example two:

Same deal...instead of using dialogue to compliment the pictures, Friedrich is just using it to repeat what we already see. His words are adding nothing to the fight scenes!! And these are only two examples...this goes on throughout the book...Well, Juggernaut eventually discovers that Charles is dead (really! Truly!) and has a super-freak out, including a never before seen power (and never since seen, or even explained):


So how do our heroes defeat the unstoppable foe?


Ah, yes, the from-beyond-the-grave deus ex machina.

Anyway, this FBI agent has been trying to meet with the X-Men all issue and kept getting interrupted. Well, now is our chance to find out what the hell he wanted:


Whaa??? Aside from the torrent of illogic here...no, not aside, let's look at the illogic. How does what happened here "prove" that they'll become a target for evil mutants? Juggernaut isn't a mutant, and he didn't come back because Xavier was dead--quite the opposite!!

Not to mention, what power does an FBI agent have to order the X-Men to disband? But, pussies that they are, the X-Men agree, giving us one last bit of Scott/Jean soap opera before they leave:

Don't you just want to smack their heads together??

The last few pages of the book are taken up by the regular back-up feature of this period:

Now, you'd think that, since they're mutants, the origin would be: "They're born, The end." But they're actually looking at when their powers first manifested, and how they got recruited to the X-Men. This issue features Cyclops rescuing young Bobby Drake from a lynch mob. Meh.

All in all, pretty tepid, non-involving stuff, with lackluster art, terrible storytelling, an ineffective super-team, and a lame ending. But in a few months, Roy Thomas and Neal Adams would come on board, and at least things would get prettier and more interesting before the end.

For some cheap irony, here's Stan's Soapbox from the month:

Given the amount of books Marvel has been releasing lately, and the amount of grief they've been getting for it form some quarters, I find it amusing that Stan had to apologize in 1968 for putting out about a dozen non-reprint super-hero comics per month. Hell, I'm too lazy to count, but I'm willing to wager that there will be more X-related books released this month than Marvel's ENTIRE monthly line in 1968. My, how things change in 40 years...

MEANWHILE, ELSEWHERE IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE:

At least one corner of the Marvel Universe wasn't stagnating into mediocrity, as were the X-Men; Steranko was going NUTS over in Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.E.I.L.D. From the Bullpen Bulletins: "On an incredible island--amid such danger as mortal man has never witnessed--the redoubtable leader of Shield must must defeat the monsters who defied evolution--or perish!" The story's title was "So Shall Ye Reap...DEATH!" Steranko would come on board to do a few X-Men covers and (I think) just one interior before the year was out...

Thursday, in the 40-year retrospective that no one could stop, we'll take on--Iron Man!!

Marvel 1968 Week--Amazing Spider-Man #62

We continue our look back at Marvel 1968 with the help of the GIT Wayback Machine, and this time we're focusing on Amazing Spider-Man #62:

Now, I have to be honest here...this is not one of Stan's finest moments on the Webhead. Spidey is an easily manipulated dufus, Medusa is a poorly written pain in the ass, the "villain" is stupider than Jupiter...well, more as we go along. As the splash page says, why waste a second?

Wait, you guys really think Medusa is "the most fabulous super-powered Glamazon in the history of comicdom?" I think Wonder Woman or Supergirl might have a thing or two to say about that!

Oh, and let's not forget our credits:

So who cut his webline? What, you didn't look at the cover? Medusa!!

Oh, so it's Spider-Man's fault that you almost ran him over, Medusa? Get used to that attitude, people. So what's she doing there, anyway?

I think you can already pick up on the problems here. Medusa not only doesn't seem to be written in character, but her dialogue seems to be virtually indistinguishable from any other Marvel arrogant, regal figure who likes to talk trash about humanity. Namor, the Surfer...Stan could write this kind of diatribe in his sleep, and he really seems to be this issue.

Anyway, Medusa files off on her merry mission, when Larry Tate (OK, not really) spies her flying by:


Meanwhile, Medusa lands her aircraft right in the middle of a New York City intersection. And she's shocked--shocked, I tell you--that people are afraid of an unknown costumed figure with crazy hair and mystery agenda lands in their midst with no explanation:

That's when Darrin Stevens (no, not really) makes the pitch:

Yeah, like you've worked a day in your life, your highness. Meanwhile, Peter Parker's soap opera is going on. Gwen Stacy is ticked at him because he punched her father (while he was brainwashed by the Kingpin)...

And Norman Osborn is starting to have those memories again:

Of course, since we're told that, as a result of One More Day, NO ONE knows Spidey's identity, I guess Norman's not really having those memories after all. Yup. Makes sense to me.

But back to her red-headedness. She makes a deal with the ad agency.

"Your word is your bond"?? Please, girlfriend. Just two pages later, Medusa gets bored, trashes the studio and walks out.


So, lying, welshing on a deal, and unprovoked property destruction. Yeah, Medusa, those humans have nooo reason at all to fear and distrust you Inhumans, do they?

Our ad man won't take this lying down, though. He sees Spidey swinging by, calls out to him, and spins one bodacious lie:

Now, Peter Parker may be smart, but man, is he dumb. He buys the story hook, line and sinker, and sets off to stop Medusa from "destroying the city," never bothering to ask why her alleged campaign of terror began at an ad agency. Well, no one said he had the proportional intelligence of a Spider, after all. Meanwhile, the ad exec sends all his photographers to the city's rooftops, the better to take advantage of all the free publicity the upcoming battle will create for the hair spray. Yes, he's stupid. Just wait for it...

Anyhoo, the wallcrawler catches up to Medusa, and it wouldn't be much of a comic if she didn't immediately respond with violence:

A terribly non-interesting battle takes place, featuring the most obnoxiously sexist line of 1968:

Oh, Spidey...(and oh, Stan)...

As must inevitably must occur, Medusa and Spider-Man learn the truth, and she takes off to find the footlights, and he takes off to find the sky. She leaves, issuing yet another broadside about how awful humans are, how violent and suspicious. Pot, meet kettle. In every single situation, Medusa has shown no empathy whatsoever for anyone, has broken her word, and reacted with violence to every frustration. But that's humanity's fault. Yup.

And our weasly ad executive? He gets his:

What, is that the fastest sales reports ever? The battle took place just hours ago, and already we know that sales have dropped?? That's internet fast, baby, not 1968 fast! And Larry Tate never, ever figured out that having a violent, speciest, out-of-control arrogant princess as your spokesman might not be good for sales?? Sheesh.

And Peter's personal life? Well, his relationship with Gwen isn't even cold yet, and Mary Jane is already moving in for the kill.

Cold, Mary Jane. Cold.

So, this wasn't a great issue. Boring, cliched, and silly, actually. But look what we missed next issue:

D'oh!!

Our letter of the month is a missive from Don Gembala, who is going to be very disappointed by the next 4 decades of Spider-Man:

Sorry, Don, whatever happiness Peter had coming, was wiped out by death, idiotic retcons, and deals with Satan.

ELSEWHERE IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE:

Apparently, this was Medusa Month, as Marvel Super-Heroes #15 featrued an all-new 25-page Medusa story, by Archie Goodwin and Gene Colan. From the Bullpen Bulletins: "Having whetted your appetite for the lady with the living hair in SPIDER-MAN, we now present the exciting Inhuman in her own full-length thriller!" The only flaw with that theory, of course, is that my appetite was not whetted one whit. Still, the Colan artwork on the cover looks enticing... I hope Archie made her a somewhat more appealing character than Stan did.

Final question: Medusa vs. Doctor Octopus: why haven't we seen this yet?

Marvel 1968 Week continues Wednesday with: The X-Men!!

Marvel 1968 Week--Fantastic Four #76

We continue our look at the 40th anniversary of Marvel's July, 1968 output by focusing on Fantastic Four #76:

We're looking at the 3rd part of a four-part epic, so let's allow Stan and Jack to fill you in:

In case you didn't feel like blowing that up, the sitch is this: Galactus is a dickweed. After exiling the Silver Surfer to Earth (back in the officially classic FF #50 --Bashful Brian), the big G was shocked to find that our sector of the galaxy is nearly barren of life, so he's starving to death. And since he apparently can't wipe his own butt without help, he's come back to Earth to force Surfer to work for him again. Surfer, not keen on the idea, has used Reed's shrink-o-matic machine to shrink himself down into the Microverse, so Galactus can't find him.

Before we go on, let's acknowledge the World's Greatest Comics Team:

Thanks, guys. Anyway, Reed and Ben and Johnny hop into Reed's "reducta-craft:"

Where, you might ask, is Sue at this time of crisis? Well, she's very very pregnant:



Yeah, it's still 1968, so the women folk still have to be protected and sit around worrying about the men folk.

Two notes: first, for somebody "so near" to delivery, Sue looks skinnier than Crystal. I wonder if that's some dumb-ass Comic Code restriction from the day, no showing any actual fat bellies with pregnancy.

Second, despite all the married couple in the comics universes, we have damn few offspring. Lois and Clark, nope. Silver Age of Hawkman and Hawkgirl? Nope. Ralph and Sue Dibny? Nope. Jay and Joan Garrick? Nope. Barry and Iris Allen? Yeah, sort of, in the future, I don't think we've ever actually met them post-Crisis, and who knows where they stand now? Hank and Jan Pym? Nope. I wonder if super-powers increase infertility (or, more likely, many creators are too chicken to deal with real life stuff like children). But unless I miss my guess, Reed & Sue were the first heroes to actually have offspring, and anyone who was "earlier" was retconned well after Franklin was born. Once again, Stan and Jack were way ahead of everyone else.

Anyway, back to our story, as Stan and Jack create the Micronauts:

Meanwhile, the Silver Surfer is joyous, having discovered that in the Microverse, he is king of infinite space in the nutshell...he's got a whole new universe to explore!!

Our boys find the Surfer, and rush off to battle in a way that brings joy to all our hearts:

Sadly, the Surfer kicks the FF's asses, and flies off. And then the microscopic menace, Psycho Man shows up, ready to whoop some intruders.

He sends his indestructible android to destroy the Fantastic Four, and obviously inspires Pete Townshend to write Pinball Wizard:

Meanwhile, back in the full-size-a-verse, Galactus proves what a cosmic-level dickweed he is, by violating his pledge not to eat Earth once it becomes inconvenient:

Back to our boys. Their losing, hard, but deus ex Surfer shows up to save the day.

Yeah, Surfer, because you forgot the other 28 times the FF demonstrated "indomitable gallantry." You're a jerk, too.

Surfer heads back to Earth to deal with Galactus (SPOILER ALERT: next issue, Surfer arranges some weird-ass "comet hits a lifeless planet and unleashes all sorts of energy that Galactus can consume" event. Yeah, it's lame, but it's still better than the outcome of the second FF movie. Galactus really, really ups his dickweed quotient, because instead of rewarding the Surfer for saving his life, he banishes him back to Earth, so the big G knows where to find him the next time he can't be bothered to find his own food. Convenient, as the Surfer's solo title started up the next month...)

As for our boys? There's one last threat to overcome:

Oh, and Reed "sets the controls to maximum penetration."

Here's a letter writer with a profound proposal:

It's interesting, because this was printed in an issue where clearly "the loss of one team member" did NOT "immobilize the whole team." Really, Joe Momberg, you wanted less teamwork in a team book??

ELSEWHERE IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE:

From the Bullpen Bulletins: "It's a fight to the finish between Mar-Vell and the strangely sinister Super Skrull! What's more, we tossed in a minor nuclear holocaust or two--just to keep things hopping!!"

I guess the tag is correct--at the time Mar-Vell was Marvel's only space-born super-hero. The Surfer didn't have his own mag yet, and as we just saw, wasn't exactly a hero. It's interesting, because DC was full of "space-born" heroes--Kal-El, J'onn J'onnz, Katar Hol...it probably doesn't mean anything, just interesting.

Next time: the Amazing Spider-Man!!

Marvel 1968 Week--Avengers #54

All summer long, I've been hearing all about 1968, and that it's the 40th anniversary of this, celebrate 40 years of that, blah blah blah.

OK, I was too young to remember anything from 1968, but as long as we're in the spirit of celebration, we might as well make it a theme week around here, and celebrate what was happening in the Marvel Universe 40 years ago (sorry, DC...if you would put put some complete series DVDs you could play, too). So, courtesy of my nearly complete set of GIT DVD-Roms, it's Marvel 1968 week here at Slay Monstrobot, as we check out the July 1968 titles from the House of Ideas.

Let's start with, randomly, Avengers #54:

Oooh, a fight!! The Avengers roster in that period consisted of exactly 4 members: Goliath, Wasp, Hawkeye, and Black Panther. Yup, just 4...and not a particularly powerful 4, either. And no, there wasn't a second team...no Mighty, no New, just The Avengers. Let's set the scene:

And our creators:

One other thing to note from the splash:

Really? Black Knight took Marveldom "by storm?" Must have been simpler times. Anyway, aside from installing new alarms and security, what's going on with our Avengers?

Nice soliloquizing there, Jarvis. "Faceless masses who have grown to manhood in such tenements?" You're trying to hard, Roy...you got the job, already. And why is our faithful butler skulking around?

Uhhh...Roy and John...you've already told us with both the cover AND the title on the splash page that our villains are the "new" Masters of Evil. So it's really not such a big reveal here. Really, was everything in a Roy Thomas mag always so breathless? And then there's the mastermind behind the MoE:

Time out. I know that some of you are asking, I thought the Black Knight was a good guy. Sure enough. But before Dane Whitman took up the mantle, his uncle, Nathan Garrett, rode the skies as the evil villain Black Knight, and fought Iron Man and the Avengers as a member of the original Masters of Evil. When his uncle died, Dane inherited the key to his uncle's post office box, and found the Crimson Cowl's invitation for Garrett to join the new MoE. So Dane decided to accept, infiltrate them, and warn the Avengers. And how, exactly, did Dane pass the Crimson Cowl's in-depth security check:

Yup, in 1968 a smart mouth carried you much farther than you would have thought possible.

So it turns out that Jarvis needs some money (reason undisclosed in this issue) and sell the Cowl all the blueprints for the Avengers' new security systems. What, Jarvis betray the Avengers?!?! That would never happen today!!

The MoE attack Avengers mansion, turn their security systems against them, and whup 'em. But first a fashion note: is this the worst costume for Janet Van Dyne EVER??


Poorly dressed and a terrible fighter. How does Klaw take her out?

Yup, he slams a door. Sheesh. Wasp may have come a long way, but back in 1968 she was still Queen Wuss.

You know how folks complain about the way Vixen in the JLA is colored? That would never happen in Marvel 1968:

Yes, that's T'Challa on the left, from the brief period where he didn't wear a full face mask. Exact same shade as Hawkeye's shoulder.

And now, the big reveal of the Crimson Cowl's true identity:

Tu-wubba who?

Just so I won't leave you hanging, next issue it turns out that Jarvis wasn't really the Cowl...he was hypnotized by Ultron in his first appearance. Jarvis needed an operation for his mother, and he only sold the information to the MoE because he was certain that the Avengers could beat them( bad call, Jarvis). But he escapes, hooks up with the Black Knight and frees the Avengers. Because he risked his life to help them, they declare that "squares accounts," (huh?!?) and all is better!! Yay!!

In the letters page (remember those) we have a familiar pair debating Shakespearean dialect:

Finally, another ad proving how deprived I was as a child:

ELSEWHERE IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE:

The second issue after Doc had taken over Strange Tales. According to the Bullpen Bulletins: "For years, you've demanded it! And now it's here--the return of the reprehensible Nightmare, in the mystically magnificent tale we couldn't resist calling--"To Dream...Perchance to Die!!"


Man, that's a great title.

Tomorrow: The Fantastic Four!!

Hancock

I've got to be honest, I just don't get the critical disdain for this movie (only 36% on Rotten Tomatoes??).

For what it's worth, I really liked it. I can't get too far into why without offering some spoilers. But you know how some movies give away everything in the trailer? Not this one. Kudos to the studio, because I believe there was not a single scene from the second half of the movie in the previews, when things take a left turn and we find out what the movie is really about.

I won't oversell this...I wish the script were about 10% better, and the climax a bit better filmed. But if you like superhero movies, I think you're going to like this one. Plus, you get to see the Bond trailer on the big screen.

As to the critics? Maybe they were expecting this:

Eats Like a Bird?

When we first see Tim Drake in the pages of Batman #678, he's sitting around snacking on some chips. No problem...a teenage hero has to keep up his energy, right?


Then Tim is attacked by costumed thugs, included an evil mime who attempts to garrote him while he's on his bike.

So, after barely escaping, where do we next see Tim? Feeding his face again.




Seriously. Guess that garroting didn't hurt your throat too badly.

Even though he's being pursued by goons who know his secret identity, even though he hasn't "shaken" them yet, he stops for a burger. And parks his very visible and identifiable bike right in front. And sits by the window. Yeah, that'll shake 'em, Tim.

So, apparently all the tradecraft Batman taught him goes out the window whenever Robin's jonsing for some fast food. And if Tim become Batman, I'm predicting lots of McDonalds endorsements...or maybe Weight Watchers...

Quote of the Week--Bacon!!

From House of Mystery #3:


Remember, kids: Jean Paul Sartre + bacon=comedy gold!!

My Childhood Vacations Were Never This Cool

From the back cover of 5-Star Super-Hero Spectacular (1977):

Wait a minute:

Aside from wondering why the hell they didn't suit up Aquaman for this...there are 3 reasons I really wish I had seen this:

A) I want to know how dorky the costumes looked

B) I want to see what how close the actors looked to the heroes

C) I figure there's what, a 30% chance that Shamu eats Robin?

Total Eclipse Of the Heart

Hey, look what I found buried in one of my long boxes:

So let's take a look at what solicited by Eclipse Comics for June of 1990, shall we?

Coup D'Etat: The Assassination of of John F. Kennedy Trading Cards (art by Bill Sienkiewicz!):

Eclipse put out a whole bunch of these sets--many with a decidedly liberal bent (Iran-Contra Scandal Trading Cards, Friendly Dictator Cards), some highly controversial (Serial Killers, True Crime Trading Cards), and many just plain interesting (Heroes of the Blues with art by Robert Crumb, Congressional Medal of Honor Trading Cards).

One thing that always bugged me, though...since most of these were sold as complete sets (e.g., Coup D'Etat was sold only as a complete set of 36 cards in a small box), how can you call them "trading cards?" Everyone who has them already has a complete set...what's to trade??

Zot! #32:

I love Zot! And I really miss the book. I'm not going to cry for Scott McCloud to start doing more Zot stories, because I don't know if there any more to tell. But that doesn't make me miss the book any less.

Good news department: This month, Harper Collins will be publishing a mammoth Zot! omnibus, collecting all the black and white run of the mag (#11-36), for the ridiculously low price of $24.95 list. Great chance for you poozers who haven't read these issues to find out why Zot! rocked so hard. Now if only somebody would get the first ten-issue color run back in print...

Orbit #2:

Comic adaptations of stories from Isaac Asimov's Science Fiction magazine. Along with Clive Barker's Tapping the Vein, Eclipse was a leader in trying to push comics adaptations of genre short stories. No one seems to be doing that anymore...it seems like a no-brainer to me. Hey, Dynamite, are you paying attention?!?! This seems like your cup of tea...

Winterworld:

A collection of a 1997 Chuck Dixon/Jorge Saffino miniseries. I mention this mainly because the solicit describes Dixon as "the Sam Peckinpah of comics," which just makes my head spin for several different reasons.

Update: Chuck Dixon is no longer employed in any capacity by Eclipse Comics.

The Death of Anti-Socialman:

OK, I know this might be hard to believe, but back in the late 80s/early 90s, if you self-published mini-comics consisting entirely of stick figures, well, you could get published by a "mainstream" indie. Seriously.

I always thought Cynicalman was funnier and more entertaining than Anti-Social Man. But ASM was funny, too.

Tales of the Beanworld #17:

Another much missed title. Silly yet deep at the same time. As I mentioned a couple of months ago, Larry Marder will be resuming the title in 2009 with Dark Horse, who will also be reprinting the original 21 issues in some format. Huzzah!!

You see, there's these beans...and Mr. Spook has this big fork...and a musical group called the Boom'r Band...

OK, some things just defy explanation...

Teenage Dope Slaves and Reform School Girls:

A B&W reprinting of some ridiculously camp comics (think Reefer Madness in panel form) from earlier decades, including a Harvey Kurtzman story about the perils of venereal disease!! At 128 pages for $9.95, this was a heckuva deal. Why didn't I buy it?

Miracleman #19:

Deep sigh.

The saddest part of the astonishing legal black hole that has swallowed up the Miracleman Family is that these comics, especially the early ones, are just completely unavailable to many readers, so we've got an entire generation of comic fans who've never read any Miracleman. Fortunately, I'm a million years old, and I own the floppies, so I think I'm going to go destroy their collectability a little bit more and re-read them again...

So, that was (most of) Eclipse, June 1990. They were a spunky little company, published a wide (and bewildering, at times) selection of books, gave a lot of creators their first breaks, published what is regarded by most as the first original graphic novel, and made the comics market a more diverse place until their collapse when everyone's bubble burst in 1994. I miss 'em.

And just think of the trading cards they could publish today...