Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Let's set the scene: Superman, who's broody because he's lonely with the "curse...of superpowers," heads up to the JLA satellite to hang. And then Zatanna pops in for a visit:
Then again, maybe that's just Friedrich (who, amazingly enough, wrote this while on summer break from UC Santa Clara, according to the Direct Currents in this issue). Surely, Superman himself would be a little more mellow. He's worked with plenty of females before. Nope, Kal-El will take it all in stride. Wrong.
Well, this could still be an isolated incident. The rest of the male JLAers won't act like lovestruck puppies when they see Zatanna, will they? They're all adults, they all have girlfriends or wives, they hung with females in costume before...Wrong. Very, very wrong.
Long story short, after Zatanna helps diffuse a tense standoff with an alien superhero team (which, sadly, is both very lame and has NOTHING to do with Batman being King of the World), this is what we get:
See, Ray, size doesn't matter...
Wow. I mean wow. I mean, "Amen?!?!?!" Amongst the many questions we have to ask:
- Do male DC Superheroes have to attend sexual harassment seminars?
- Think about Identity Crisis again, folks....hmmmm....nope, we're not acting overly worshipful, are we?
- Where, exactly, are Flash and Green Lantern's hands in this shot?
- What are these guys like when Wonder Woman comes to meetings?
- Why do I suspect that the post-mission debriefing on the satellite is just going to become one big Cinemax After Dark, with superpowers?
- No wonder Jean Loring went postal...
Lesson from this issue: We really need to let the guys hang around costumed women a little more, so they don't get so oddly ga-ga over a female guest-star...
Oh, and EEEYA--HAHAHA!
Saturday, July 28, 2007
I mean--just look at it!! Batman on an insanely high chair--with a Bat symbol(!) and a complex control panel (what do all those buttons do?)--and a giant robot slave killing superheroes for him!!! Are the enough exclamation points in the world?!?!
Best of all, though, is the laugh. This laugh would give the Joker the willies. It starts out with the half-scream "EEEYA" and goes on to finish in "HAHAHA!" I vote that as the greatest laugh in the history of comics. And it's trotted out right there on the cover for you!
But even better: This is not a hoax or dream. This scene ACTUALLY occurs inside the comic. No, really!! Look:
OK, so Batman's laugh is delayed until the next panel, and on it's face it's a seemingly more mundane "HA HA HA HEE HEE HA HE HE!" But he does get to personally declare, "I'M THE KING OF THE WHOLE WORLD!" Plus, unlike the cover, we've got Zatanna's dead body to join the others.
And to prove that this all really happened, just look at the title to this epic:
SPOILER ALERT: Batman isn't really King of the World. The JLA really aren't dead. Batman gets better.
But for the really strange thing about this issue, see my next post...
Cover and panels from completely insane Justice League of America #87
Friday, July 27, 2007
...MUST BE THE TRUTH!!
We report, Bahlactus decides!!
SPECIAL BONUS: SHERLOCK'S PANEL-BUSTIN' SKILLZ
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
I'm a major industrialist who recently has undertaken a program to help make life better for everyone in America. I've sacrificed a lot, spent billions of my own money, and risked my own safety and sanity to bring about a better world for all.
My problem is that no one seems to appreciate what I've done. Many of my friends have abandoned me, and many of my former business allies have acted to undermine me. I used to have a lot of fans, but now I receive tons of hate mail every day.
My question is, why have my friends turned on me, when I only had their best interests at heart? How can I win my friends and fans back, Monstrobot?
Stop being such a mamby-pamby whiner. I've been following your career, and you've made impressive progress. Why, over the past year you've:
*killed dozens of people just to advance your political agenda
*imprisoned hundreds while denying habeus corpus and due process
*taken effective control of several your government's most powerful agencies
*committed acts of war against a sovereign nation
*invaded another dimension
Shellhead, this is a resumé that Victor Von Doom would be proud of!! Don't fret about a few hurt feelings amongst those obviously inferior to yourself! Instead, embrace your inner Monstrobot. Slay a few miscreants, remove a few more rights from your countrymen, and invade Canada!
You're already one of the most promising megalomaniacs in years. Please don't let a few hurt feelings by former "fans" stop your progress! Cowboy up, slay, and rule--it's your destiny!!
Monday, July 23, 2007
Kontinuity Kop here--I've heard we've got an infraction from one of last week's books.
What's the charge?
Countdown #41: last page of the main story.
Complaint: if this really is the "original" Legion of Superheroes, with Wildfire and Sensor Girl and Dawnstar, then why does Karate Kid refer to Luornu as "Triplicate Girl?" Val Armorr had joined the Legion AFTER one of her bodies was killed, and AFTER she had renamed herself Duo Damsel. So why would he refer to her as Triplicate Girl? He never knew her by that name! And even if he had, she had been Duo Damsel for a long long time by the point Sensor Girl showed up...
Defense: Karate Kid's memory was still somewhat addled by time travel/brainwashing from the "Lightning Saga."
Prosecution: Please. If you're going to do a story so dependent upon past continuity, couldn't the writers/editor have at least bothered to actually look something like this up? And before anyone makes the argument: if this Legion somehow has a different continuity than the "original" Legion, than what's the point?
Verdict: Guilty as charged. DC, if you're going do a storyline attempting to restore a past "deleted" continuity, you have the burden to actually get it right. And don't get me started over how Superman suddenly knows this Legion....DC needs to start actually editing their authors, and not just let them randomly "wiki" their continuity whenever they feel like it.
Sentence: 3 severe finger wags.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
But now, after a silly adventure with the real Nightwing, he's all better. And somehow it was all the fault of a Lazarus Pit. Oh joy.
But despite the fact that he's a killer, Batman hasn't hunted him down, Superman is helping Jimmy Olsen get interviews with him, and now he's a prime player in the ridiculously poorly conceived and written Countdown. Donna Troy's hanging with him like everything's cool (well, I guess because she's SOME relation to Wonder Woman--who knows what these days--she's forgiving of executing criminals). The whole DC Universe will just pretend nothing ever happened.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
a) because it's one of my favorite comics quotes, from Master of Kung Fu #75. I mean, really...when you've got the son of Fu Manchu, working for MI-6, being pursued by a cute little killer robot, who is in turn commanding his giant aquatic robot minion (in convenient monster form) to kill Shang Chi, well, how can that not be your favorite quote? I still blurt this out randomly in public, much to my friends' chagrin.
b) I've got some heavy duty slaying to do.
I love comic books. I loooooooooove them. I spend about a gazillion dollars a week on them. I get cold sweats and palpitations when I can't make it to my local comic shop early Wednesday afternoons. I can't remember my own phone number, but I can tell you the civilian names of all of the Legion of Superheroes (all versions).
So when I whine about how, recently, Marvel and DC have been engaging in a race to see who can flush themselves down the crapper fastest, I say it with love. And when I say mean, vicious things about some of the writers and artists and editors and publishers, it's because I care about the medium, about the art form, about the characters I love, and used to love (I'm talking about you, Tony Stark...).
And since I'm such a good-hearted fool, I'm sure I'll have plenty of good things to say, too. Because sometimes, a Monstrobot from the Deep can slay with kindness, too.
2nd thing: I've never written a blog before, I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't know HTML (am I the only one in the world who pronounces that "hate mail?" Once again, I chagrin my friends...). This is all new to me. So things will be a little rough around the edges until I get my feet wet.
There...that's probably the only apology you'll ever read from me. So on with the slayage!!
PS--bonus karma points who can guess my second favorite Master of Kung Fu quote ever. HINT: it's on the cover of that particular issue...